I grew up with the tradition that you leave heirlooms to your children, sometimes quite valuable, sometimes just pieces of family history. So as time has passed I’ve accumulated a few pieces of furniture which I’d like my three children to have, including a grandfather clock.
Suddenly its become apparent that in the global economy we live in, I’ll be lucky if one of the three even stays in the same country as me. Shipping a long case clock to India or Sumatra for my daughter (who wants to work with tigers) just doesn’t seem likely to happen. Even the Victorian rocking chair (from my grandmother) is too large to easily move around. And neither item is of high value.
So I’m curious - what are other people doing in the 21st century?
Even if they don’t want it now, they (or their children will want it in the future. Value isn’t just monetary. Leave it to someone else in the family who can use it until your kids move back to the states or can have it shipped. As long as it’s still in the family, like with a cousin, niece, aunt, etc.
I think you’re supposed to live long enough for your kids to settle and establish roots. That’s when you go on a cleaning binge and foist “heirlooms” off on them (this Billy Bass used to lull your grandfather to sleep! Trust us. Take it. Oh, and this bag of Sporks was from the KFC your mother and I met at for lunch that one day…).
I don’t know that any of these quite qualify as heirlooms, since none are 100 years old, but I have my paternal grandmother’s Singer treadle sewing machine - got it when I was still in high school, so I’ve had it for over 40 years now. I’ve also got a print that used to hang over the mantel at my maternal grandparents’ house - it’s just department store “art” but it has a lot of meaning to me. Since my dad died 10 years ago, my mother has been gradually distributing some of her stuff, but I’ve mostly declined - it would just become “stuff” in my house. None of the things were part of the household when I was a kid, so it’s hard to be sentimental about it.
My husband asked for and got an old wall clock that belonged to his maternal grandparents. Again, pretty much a department store electric clock and not worth anything to speak of, but full of childhood memories for him.
I look around and try to imagine what, if anything, our daughter will keep and pass to any children she may have. Probably not much. Maybe we’re just too practical and not very sentimental…
Good thread…I have a few items that I kept from my grandparent’s home-a cloisonne jar of my grandmothers, a beer stein of my uncle, etc. But my mother is getting very old-and most of the stuff she held dear is nothing my kids would want. Saddest of all, the big box of old photos of the older generations-almost all of these people are long dead. I realize that once my mother is gone, nobody will really remember any of these people-and their photos will all be discarded.
Sic transit!
The pattern in both my family and my husband’s is that the smaller the item, the more likely the next generation will want it. I have passed on some beautiful pieces of furniture because they were bulky, hard to move, didn’t have sentimental value to me, and I was already established with a house full of furniture of my own.
I do have some nice pieces of china and crystal though. My husband really pissed off his sister and mother by giving me a cut-glass snuff box with silver repousse lid the first summer we knew each other. What his mother and sister didn’t know was that we already knew we were going to get married
I think a lot of the idea of “heirlooms” was due to the fact that a lot of things are expensive, so if it was nice and in good shape, it got gifted to the next generation. Back in the day, it was typically furniture and furnishings.
Nowadays, it’s rare to find furniture that’s both nice enough, not so dated, and worth enough to be an heirloom rather than a big-ticket item at an estate sale.
You still see heirloom stuff all the time with things like watches, guns, knives, jewelry and the like- my wife has an old sewing machine, and I have some things of my grandparents as well- fishing reels, golf clubs, guns, tools, etc…
Yes, as a trend it really is so last century. While working as an appraiser of fine and decorative art properties I had many clients who, upon reaching a certain age, were downsizing their houses and wanted to leave items that had been in the family for generations, but their adult children were not interested, and so much of that went to auctions. The American Society of Appraisers has, in the recent past, noted this trend in articles on their website, more in the East Coast and Midwest of the USA than on the West Coast. So, generally speaking, yes.
Ehhh… it’s a generational thing. Don’t expect your kids to have the same values as you do.
And a sentimental thing.
Some people (like me) just don’t care about things that much. I don’t give a hoot whether I’m sitting in Great Grampa’s shaker chair or a (more comfortable) chair found at the curb.
My sister just hit that age where she reeeeeally needs to have big talks with everyone about what she’s going to get when my mom dies. The rest of us are like “Well, you care and we don’t; take whatever you want…” But we still have to have another big family meeting and I bet there’ll be a spreadsheet of all mom’s major possessions.
I’m getting the impression she thinks we’re heartless because we don’t have dinner while rubbing “Grammy’s” table, reminding everyone else (again) of how many people we got around that table for Thanksgiving back in Ought-Two…
Hey, sis, you want a lot of stuff in your tiny apartment, we look at it as clutter: win-win!
So do let your kids be honest and say “That old thing? I really don’t know where we’d have room for it …”
Most of us don’t want it. We have smaller homes and less space. If you know your child is the sentimental type, sure, save it for them. I personally just don’t care much about stuff, especially stuff that can’t be easily moved. I’m not even 40 yet. Chances are I’ll still be moving again. We don’t all buy houses at 25 now and settle down - we’re constantly on the move.
I would ask your kids and see if they are even interested. On the face of it sounds cool - a grandfather clock and a rocking chair! But on the other hand, it sounds horrible to move and maintain and care for and now I have to find room for it and blah blah blah…you know.
I know you are sentimental about these things, but not everyone is.
Most folks do not leave specific bequests, but a significant number do.
There are a few problems with specific bequests, with the biggest being that you don’t know what you will still have when you die.
Of those who leave specific bequests, most bequests are for items of particular sentimental value.
Only occasionally will specific bequests be for items of high value, such as houses. In these matters there is usually a favoured child and an out-of favour child.
Most couples make mutual wills, leaving everything to their surviving spouse, or if their spouse dies first, then leaving everything equally to their kids. In blended marriages this gets more complicated, and sometimes includes specific bequests. The most common type of specific bequest in a blended marriage is a life interest in the matrimonial home made to the surviving spouse, while the residual is split between the surviving spouse and the kids.
Under the general theory of it being best to die broke, many people distribute much of their estates, particularly heirlooms, prior to their deaths, such that there is no need to have specific bequests in their wills. This works very well if properly documented at the time of the gifting, but can lead to a bit of a schmozzle when the survivors start knowing on each other’s shins as to whether the transfer prior to death was a gift, or a loan, or made in trust. In my country, Canada, it used to be presumed that a transfer from a parent to an adult child was a gift, but a few years ago the Supreme Court of Canada decided that such a transfer is deemed to be made in trust, meaning that the recipient is just holding the asset in trust for the parent or the parent’s estate, and must return it on demand. Folks giving stuff to their adult kids should document it as being a gift, to prevent this issue from raising its ugly head.
People who do neither pre-gift nor make specific bequests tend to have families in which their children get along well enough to decide for themselves who should get what.
I guess it just depends on the family and individual members. I love antiques and have gladly accepted items handed down so far, mainly from my grandparents. One owned an antique shop and a lot of these items are the best of the best.
I have two adult sisters and our parents are getting along in years. Almost all mom & dad’s home are wonderful antiques and all will be handed down to us. What mom did was take a photograph of every item and put them all in a book. Then each of us went through it and marked #1 - #3 as to our preference for each piece. She’ll then go through and decide who gets what based on our desire for that piece and overall fairness.
The appreciation for stuff is just less nowadays. Stuff is cheap. We’re only willing to spend more (money, energy) on stuff if it had adds value. That can be value because it is just to our taste and needs. Or because our stuff says something abouts us we like (I’m wealthy! I’ve got great taste! I’m quirky and unique!). Or our stuff can remind us of happy times, traditions we are a part of, and people we love.
If we don’t particularly like being gifted with grandma’s old rocker, it can be because we didn’t like Grandmas taste, or it can be because we didn’t particularly love Grandma and didn’t particularly enjoy the holidays we spent at Grandma’s.
I think some of the painful talks over heirlooms that get pushed on heirs is that Grandma wanted everyone to love the memories associated with her rocker, while the grandkids…don’t.
Oh, and boxes of photo’s are just clutter without the stories of who these people were, and how they relate to the one who will inherit the box of photos.
My problem is, EVERYONE bought stuff to “pass on.”
Take silver. My mom has four sets, I have a set, my husband has a set, older relations are always offering us more silver and are startled when we refuse. Jesus Christ, how much silver does a girl need?
Similarly, my mom possesses four full sets of china she got as “heirlooms.” I only personally like two of the sets and you can be sure when its my turn the others are going to auction, if not the dumpsters, because I don’t keep grandma’s ugly things, when I have great-grandma’s & great-aunt’s pretty things and they’re already more than I need.
So that’s the other thing. Fewer children = fewer people to receive the things everyone thought they’de leave to the kids. Even if the kids are interested, the volume is overwhelming. And frankly, china doesn’t represent memories I had of these people. I treasure my grandma’s rolling pin and yes, her electric handmixer way more, though many people would find small electrics an odd heirloom.
I think it’s just rarer to have heirloom quality furniture these days - I know plenty of people who are either giving or expecting smaller heirlooms, though. My mother was going to give me her mother’s engagement and wedding rings when she died, but I got them early since I wanted to wear them myself. My dad wants my nephew to get his watch. There’s a lot of heirloom china and silver wandering around town, that sort of thing.
Then you score high on the Reiss profile trait of Honour.
Oddly, there seems to be be a combined psychological basis for the traits of appreciating a set of values and traditions (like patriotism or most ethics) and the interest in the values of one’s ancestors and family.
My grandpa gave me their old hi-fi stereo a few years ago while decluttering. It’s a big, gorgeous old cedar cabinet piece, although the record player inside no longer works. We now have it in the basement and one of these days we’re figuring to restore it to some of its former glory.
The only other thing I’ve been bequeathed to date came shortly after my grandpa passed away; I was given a ring of his that matched rings given to his two sons (my dad’s has since gone missing in questionable circumstances involving my sister’s deadbeat ex-husband, but that’s a whole nother story). It’s a gold ring with a ruby face, his initial, “J” in silver on the face, with a wee little diamond chip in the “J.” Actually quite a nice ring, which I wear every now and then.
My extended family has always lived fairly modestly, so there isn’t a whole lot of stuff worth bequeathing to anyone, but the really nice stuff is being passed down the line, which I think is a nice way to connect to our past.
Really, this is wishful thinking nonsense. I know tons of people who’ve inherited all kinds of crap from their parents, and they have no use for it, no room for it, and don’t even like it. But they have this emotional attachment to it because they feel connected through it to their parents, so they don’t feel they can throw it out. The end up shoving it down in the basement or putting it in a storage locker.
