Is is ok to bug people about RSVP?

My daughter’s 5th birthday party will be in one week and we gave invitations out 2.5 weeks ago. This is the first year that she’s been able to name specific kids from nursery school that she likes, so this will be her first birthday party with other kids. We only invited 5 kids and their siblings. I put down my phone number and email on the invitations, but I’ve only heard from 1 parent.

One of the kids we invited has a gluten allergy and I put a note for her parents in her invitation saying that I would be more than happy to make a gluten-free cake. And I really don’t mind, but if she’s not going to be there, I’d rather just pick up a pre-made cake at the store.

I really don’t want to be rude, but I’d really like to know how many kids are coming to the party. Is it ok to ask the parents this week when I run into them dropping off or picking up the kids if they’re going to be able to make it? Or is that really rude to ask them to their face to come up with an excuse if they don’t want to come.

Absolutely. The rude people in this circumstance do not include you.

No problem, just a quick “Hey, are you planning to come to the party? No big deal if you’re not, I’m just trying to figure out how much ____ I’m going to need”
They’ll probably give you a quick apology and a yes or no right then and there. I don’t think anyone would see that as rude. I think most people just don’t reply right away because frankly a birthday party for someone elses 5 year old isn’t terribly important to them and they don’t want to be committed to it if something more important comes up. They were probably planning to RSVP when it got closer and then forget. Ask them when you bump into them, I don’t think anything will think twice about it.

It’s not rude to ask if people are coming to the party. A kid’s birthday party would not register to me as one of those things you have to RSVP to. More like a “Here’s the date and time, let me know if you can’t make it” sort of thing.

Absolutely not rude. Due to a blip in communication between our split family, I hadn’t heard of my daughter’s invite to a birthday party, and my ex hadn’t RSVPed. I wasn’t at all offended when the parents asked me at school pick up if she was coming. I honestly hadn’t gotten the invite!

Ok, you’re all making me feel a lot better. I know it’s not a big deal to anyone else but us. :slight_smile: And I know that a couple of the kids have 2 sets of parents that they go between from week to week. I hadn’t thought about the invite not getting passed along.

My daughter is behind in her speech and it’s been hard for her to make friends. I guess I’m just worried that other kids or their parents don’t like her and I’m over-thinking everything. I was so jazzed when she got her first birthday party invite that I rsvp’d right away. It’s nice to hear that it’s just me being in my own head about this.

Yeah, it’s not you. :slight_smile: It’s that the parents meant to RSVP, got distracted, and now need a reminder. Or the invitation didn’t get passed along, or something…

That habit rich people once had of spending an hour every morning answering correspondence was a good idea. We don’t have that now and we get way too distracted.

If the invitation actually included “RSVP,” then it certainly would be. It would be rude not to, and additionally rude to show up without doing so.

I don’t have any kids but I’m an expert on this, 'cause I’ve seen every episode of Leave It To Beaver.
And according to June Cleaver; and she knows since she went to a private boarding school, back east yet, always made it clear to Wally and the Beaver that they had to respond to invitations immediately and anything less was considered bad manners.

Like when Beaver was going to wait till tomorrow to phone the girl, June insisted that the Beaver call her right after dinner as it’s not proper for a girl to wait. “Why she might be sitting by the phone right now waiting for you call.” And I can name at least five other episodes where June insisted the boys call back right away

So obviously none of these parents have seen Leave It To Beaver, so once again, you’ll have to phone them ask :slight_smile:

I thought that would have been obvious, so I didn’t put “unless it says RSVP in the invitation”.

The thread title says “RSVP,” but the OP just says the contact information was on there, so it’s not entirely clear in this case.

Certainly the parents of the gluten-free child ought to have responded either way, with thanks for the special consideration.

I don’t think asking once for clarification is bugging someone. Were you to text/e-mail them/leave voice mail every day between now and the party, that would be bugging them. You’re fine with the former, though.

If the person inviting you needs to know if you (or someone in your family) are coming or not, you need to RSVP. It does not have to be specifically spelled out - if your action (or lack of action) affects someone else, you need to communicate with them, not just show up (or not show up) without letting them know one way or another.

Yes, this IS a pet peeve of mine - I run into this every time I try to plan a party or a dinner - some people never let me know one way or the other, and I never know if I should include them or not.