This has bothered me for some time, and this seems like a good place to ask.
I was at a company Christmas party a few years ago, and after dinner, the DJ cranked up the music, and most everyone got on the floor to dance. Let me be clear, I DO NOT dance. Period. I never have. I never will. Nothing against dancers or dances, I just know I’m not good at it and have no desire to learn. I can and do appreciate watching other dancers if they’re good, but it instills no desire in me to learn.
A few coworkers at this party asked me to dance, and I politely declined. But, this apparently was not ok. Eventually, more and more coworkers kept asking me. I kept declining as politely as I could. At one point, the company owner tried to physically drag me out onto the dance floor. He is physically much smaller than me, so I literally overpowered him (picture a tug-o-war) and remained in my chair, although it was no small task and almost certainly made a scene to anyone who happened to be watching. I tried very hard to laugh it off, maintaining a smile throughout the ordeal, but WOW, did it make me uncomfortable. I left the company only a few months afterwards, and while this incident was not directly responsible, I was glad to be gone so as not to have to face a repeat of this at future events.
So, my question is, Was I out of line by refusing to dance, or were “they” out of line by refusing to take my polite “No” for an answer?
As I said, this has bothered me for quite a while, and I’m truly interested in what others think.
Many people think that the only reason someone doesn’t accept a dance invitation is they want to be coaxed, and if they would only try it, they’d have the time of their life. They can’t accept the fact that some people just don’t enjoy it.
It reminds me of this dialogue:
Mom: Want some asparagus?
Me: Mom, I don’t like asparagus.
Mom: Try it, you’ll like it!
Me: Mom, I don’t want to try it and I don’t like it.
Mom: You liked it last week. Come on!
Me: Mom, you have never seen me eat asparagus, ever, because it makes me throw up. Even the thought of it makes me puke.
Mom: You don’t know what you’re missing. Everybody likes it! How about just a little bite first? Maybe with some cheese sauce?
I’ve had the same thing happen to me at weddings. The mother-of-the-bride and me almost came to blows. And not the good kind. Like nogwart, I’m perfectly happy to be at a place where other people are dancing, but leave me alone about it.
I was just going to say, this reminds me of the thread where people were being coerced into eating foods they did not like (or foods that could potentially kill them).
Some people are assholes who won’t take no for an answer. They insist that you eat this food, or that you dance with them, despite all your protestations. I wonder how they feel about date rape. Do they think it’s OK to pull someone’s underwear down and forcibly penetrate them, all the while cheerfully repeating “c’mon, this’ll be fun, let’s do this, don’t be such a partypooper, try it, you’ll enjoy yourself, I promise!”?
Procrustus also beat me to the punch. As a kid, I hated attending weddings with my family because it was guaranteed that someone - usually one of the bridesmaids - would try to drag me out onto the dance floor, sometimes using substantial physical force, even after my polite refusal had transformed into a repeated, semi-terrified “NO.” And yet somehow I just knew I would be the one in trouble if I kicked them in the shins or spit in their face.
To the OP, I can empathize with the awkwardness of turning down an insistent request like that, but you are absolutely within your rights to do so and I hope you don’t ever feel guilty about it.
You can say no, of course. But at a work function, I think it’s better to suck it up and go along with what the boss wants, within reason. The people the boss likes and thinks are “fun” are the ones who will be the best off. Maybe not fair, but that’s how it typically works.
I just don’t understand why people don’t accept no for an answer. I was at a wedding of an old college roommate, and talking with some other college friends I hadn’t seen in a few year. And I was super happy talking with these friends, and glad to catch up with them. But after we had declined once again to dance, the bridal party dragged us onto the dance floor, and I grinned and beared for a few songs with it rather than cause a scene. I could maybe understand if I looked lonely, or if my friends and I were looking at the dance floor wistfully then they might urge us to dance. But we were enjoying the party! We weren’t trying to kill anyone else’s joy in dancing. It’s like there’s some ritual that must be performed and the marriage isn’t official unless all able-bodied people are dancing.
Also, I do like to dance sometimes. But one of the things that makes me not want to dance is if someone insists on it. Maybe I’m a bit stubborn, but I think it’s a common human trait.
I have this thing about dancing. I’m not saying it’s rational. But yes, for me, I would probably quit the job instead of risking going off in a much more inappropriate way that would get me arrested or at least fired. The more I’m “encouraged” to dance, the more I will refuse with every fiber of my being. Unless you are my daughter and it is your wedding day, do not even ask me to dance. Luckily, my wife knows this about me and puts up with it.
yes. I will not be coerced into embarrassing myself simply because some asshole can’t understand that other people don’t find enjoyment in the same things.
Thanks for all the responses, folks. You’ve made me feel better about how I reacted, and confirmed my impression that they were kind of being jerks about it. [heavy sigh of relief]
This is pretty much why I avoid company parties. Nothing good ever seems to come from them. I’d rather take the fallout for not attending than wind up in a confrontational situation.
I’m not a good dancer but don’t mind joining in. However, it’s quite tacky to insist somebody else do so–and would probably fit into some category of harassment in a real company. (That is, where there’s no one “owner” & there is an HR department.)
In Texas, you could just claim to be Southern Baptist. But you need to avoid that Open Bar if you want them to swallow that story.
Is it OK to say no to dancing? Yes, it is OK.
Is your boss a creep for trying physically force you to dance? Yes, he is.
That said, if you just go stand on the dance floor with them and make normal office party conversation for the duration of a 3 minute song while they dance, they’ll probably drop it.
When one of my female friends was planning her party people were pushing her to have the money dance, and some stupid chicken line dance, and some shitkicker line dance. She didn’t want dancing at all at the party.
She dumped the DJ and changed to one that would play background environmental music. She wanted her wedding to be people chatting, taking pictures and eating [ok and drinking too, they had a lovely open bar. That white sangria they had was amazing.] I wish I had a picture of her cake - the absolute classic white 3 tier. Pretty much like this one, with the classic bride and groom topper. A very old school quiet small wedding.
