“I’ll dance if you do karaoke.”
I’ve never understood the appeal of company parties or picnics. It’s my free time, but I’m still surrounded by you assholes! Nobody remembers the guy who blew off the company picnic, but they remember the guy who got drunk at the Xmas party and puked, or the guy who refused to dance. There is absolutely no upside to going to work functions.
If the boss disrespects me this much, then yes. This behavior is the problem with mixing one’s work and social life, especially where such “social” events as this party are not voluntary.
I never go to work-related “social” events, because where I work they are voluntary. I might want to socialize with one or two of my co-workers, but I would prefer to do that on my own terms (even if I wanted to socialize with lots of my co-workers).
If someone had done that to me, I would not have been smiling when I said “Let go of my arm, please, and leave me alone! What the hell is the matter with you?”
Roddy
Both.
The company culture was that you were expected to participate, and it wouldn’t have hurt you to spend 10 minutes joining in.
The boss was completely wrong in dragging you, but it’s hard to believe you hadn’t picked up on the “you are 100% expected to participate in this activity with us unless both of your legs are broken” expectation they were clearly broadcasting.
Do they judge people on their dancing skills at these parties? If they’re not then swaying in one place while holding a beer with one hand and half-heartedly waving the other will qualify as dancing.
They were being jerks. No question.
My suggestion is, if they don’t take no for an answer, it’s time to say, “Well, thanks everyone, time for me to go.”
That makes it clear that their behavior is unacceptable, without having to say anything to their face, and giving them a good face-saving opportunity should they choose to accept it.
I prefer the truthful response to the white-lie dodge, not so much because of ethics, but because it never blows up in your face.
I agree that both sides share some blame.
Dancing is truly a joyful and fun experience. And takes zero skill. I feel sad for people who can’t share in the common experience of dancing together. It’s really a fundamental human experience undertaken by all cultures throughout time. I would encourage people to give it a try.
That said, it’s not okay to force people to do things they don’t wish to participate in.
I would have done exactly this, except that I was in the group of “out-of-towners” who flew in from out of state for the party. All of us stayed in the same hotel, and had to ride together in the one rental car. The rest of the group had no intention of leaving until the whole thing was over, so I was stuck there until the end. Yeah, it was not fun. I tried a few times to find a “hiding place”, unsuccessfully. At one point, I pretended to take a very long bathroom break (just sat in a stall) just to get away for a while. When I reappeared, the same coaxing resumed.
Here’s one response: “I haven’t the slightest idea how to dance, having never received any instruction or experience, and don’t like the idea of learning to dance in front of everyone with amateurs as teachers. Please ask someone else.”
Try that one on for size.
Speaking as someone who has been the biggest person at the party on many occasions, I gotta say that when you feel like you’re the “look at the fat woman dance!” for everyone else, it’s NOT a “joyful and fun experience”. And people DO go home and talk about the fat woman dancing, it was the funniest thing ever hahaha. Trying to get a big woman to dance is often not about “helping her have fun”. It’s really about asking her to humiliate herself so everyone else can get a good laugh.
That would never work. Someone would just say something like “It’s so easy! You don’t need to know how to dance at all! C’mon!” or “I’ll show you, it’s no problem.”
The best options when refusals don’t work are to hide, be busy with something else, or fake an injury/illness. At some parties there might be a card game or some other activity going on, so sometimes you can use that to get away from dancing. When my company has a party, there’s sometimes karaoke, but I’m not bugged into joining in if I’m playing spades with some other people. Or for a somewhat casual party, sometimes there’s things that need to be done, like getting the desserts out, starting to clean things up, or other little chores like that. If you help out with things like that, then you’re a team player and you’re busy doing work and can’t go dance.
Don’t cry for me. I don’t need the “common experience” of dancing with other people. I actually did a fair amount in my college days. (once or twice a month or so). I may have had moments of “joyful and fun,” but I’m simply not interested anymore. It’s not a lack of skill (although I don’t claim any skill, I agree it’s not required), but a lack of interest. I simply don’t want to. Anyone over the age of 18 has had enough opportunities to know if dancing is something they wish to do. No “encouragement” necessary.
I can’t say I’ve ever had that experience, but I would note that you can only control what you do and the attitude your bring to situations. My advice would be to dance and have fun and screw all the jerks who may make fun of you. I would also point at that you’re assuming the worst in people. They may return home and comment on a large person’s bravery and determination to have fun in the face of potential mocking.
Of course, I have not been subject to the years of mocking that you imply, so I can understand any reluctance.
My response:
Just in case that doesn’t work, try this:
Alternatively:
If that doesn’t work, go home. They’re assholes.
This sounds like the most reasonable plan.
This has never happened in the history of forever.
The boss is clearly wrong to physically force someone onto the dance floor. However, at the point that someone is grabbing your hand and pulling you up from your seat, there’s no use in resisting and making things into a tug-of-war on the dance floor.
At the point they are dragging you with them, just stop resisting and walk with them. Walk through the crowd of people who are tripping the light fantastic, proceed with deliberate speed through them and to the other side of the floor (you might want to do a little head bob or something to really convince your attackers that you’re “into it” and buy a few second of time), then circle the perimeter of the ballroom, grab your coat, and make a beeline for the door.
On edit: If that ploy doesn’t work, you can always go with this handy phrase that I use a few times a week: “Unhand me or I will punch you in the balls.”
I can see that it must be for you. Which is lovely for you, of course.
But it certainly is absolutely no such thing for a lot of people. The OP, for one and my other half for two. He’d sooner chew off his own legs and eat them raw than dance.
Can’t say that I buy it taking no skill, either. You only have to watch some of the numpties in the earlier rounds of Strictly Come Dancing/Dancing with the Stars/any other similar show to see prime examples of that. Some people have no rhythm or sense of timing and just cannot hear where the beat is.
Only if there is another Southern Baptist there.
Really the entire thing sounds bizarre to me. I’ve worked at a lot of different companies but I’ve never been someplace where coworkers would try to physically get you to get up and dance. Although some of the tech companies used to do some goofy fucking shit.
In those situations, you have to sort of decide for yourself how much you want to give in a bit so they don’t all feel weird and awkward like you’re going to stab them.
Of course they are jerks for forcing the issue, but really if you hate going to those activities so much you are almost in a shoving match with the owner of your company, perhaps you would be better off not going? I mean no one really cares if you show up to the Christmas party or not.
And even if it has, it’s about as back-handed and insulting a “compliment” as one can receive.
The OP is talking about a company function. Not becoming an object of mockery in your professional space isn’t just about hurt feelings. It’s about remaining effective at your job.