I love to dance. If I could, I would dance all the time.
But this is only when I’m by myself. And maybe with my closest family members. I would not be traumatized if I had to dance with coworkers, but it would be something I would do with great reluctance. Especially if the music isn’t jammin’.
Yes, in an ideal world a person will know how to laugh off life’s embarrassments and not be self-conscious. But we aren’t in an ideal world, and embarrassment is every much a feeling as joy is.
That said, you gotta choose your battles, even if you are in the right. The OP drew way more attention to him/herself by resisting than they would have by joining in with the crowd for 30 seconds. Once on the dance floor, you don’t have to do Saturday Night Fever. You can’t go wrong with swaying side to side and just looking like you’re having a good time. I think this is really what motivates the pushy dancing people to proselytize. In their minds, if you aren’t dancing, you must not be enjoying yourself. And a party isn’t really a party unless everyone is happy!!!
I’m not sure you’re hearing us. It’s not going to happen, and the more I’m pushed, the more of a scene the pusher will be making. This is a line I will not cross. Not at a work party, not at a wedding, not anywhere.
Oh. That sounds normal actually. Though in my experience usually any social function was on a Saturday afternoon or evening. I can see where this might be useful to get the greatest participation at the party. The wheedling you into dancing is still unacceptable, but I am quite gratified to see that I misunderstood your post. Golly. Can you imagine how horrible the other would be? I could see it is a plot-point in some black comedy set in a dystopian world where your boss could schedule such a soirée-cum-meetings. Thanks for putting my mind at rest.
Of course an office party obligates you to dance with people who ask. Look at it from their point of view. Regardless of what relationship you do or do not have off the dance floor, they are entitled to hold your body and rhythmically move their own body against you, for minutes.
Hey, wait a minute, that doesn’t sound right. Of COURSE nobody else can obligate you to dance.
In other news, I am aghast at the opinions suggesting that those of us who do not like dancing should do so anyway because we don’t get that it is actually fun. Fun is in the mind of the beholder. I don’t like dancing. How dare you tell me that I like it?! Which one of us do you think knows more about what I like, what I feel inside?
Yeah. I follow the approach my father takes. If you attempt to bully him into dancing, he will tell you to fuck off (well, he’s more polite than that, but that’s the general idea). If you then act upset that he won’t dance, he’ll point out that you were the person who pushed the issue, not him.
So sure, ask me to dance. And if you accept my polite decline, all is well.
Though I did chuckle at gotpasswords’ response, I agree with the point that Strainger made. I’m apparently a rare breed, in that I don’t mind getting up and singing in front of a room full of people, but I can’t dance a lick, and “you can’t make me”.
I’ve found that that is a great response - whether it’s in a bar, a company Christmas party, etc. “hey jerkoff, you get up there and sing, and after that I’ll get out there and dance”. Pretty much makes them back the fuck off, nine times out of 10.
The best tactic for this and similar situations is “Thank you, but no, I don’t want to” offered pleasantly and repeated as many times as necessary (which may be quite a few).
This works in response to essentially every possible form of encouragement. It’s much better than any detailed explanation, as it can’t be disputed - you are the sole authority as to what you do and don’t wish to do.
I’ve heard of wheel-chair square dancing. You get a square of wheel-chair couples, and volunteer square dancers to stand behind each one and push them around. As the caller calls the dance, the volunteers push the people in the wheel-chairs around accordingly. I haven’t seen it myself, but I’ve heard that good times are had by all.
It’s all for the free FOOD! (Assuming you believe it will be good.) Screw the assholes; I’m just there for the FREE MEAL, if I think it will be good.
Storytime! My hi-tech company (this was 25-some years ago in Silicon Gulch) threw a company-wide picnic one day. It was “officially” billed as a company training or morale-building exercise or some such bullshit. Attendance was allegedly NOT optional. (Although I didn’t notice anyone taking roll.)
It was held at a large public park, with a BBQ Pit and picnic tables and playing fields. The company provided all the grub, and some of the employees did the BBQ. The main course was BBQ Chicken!
Then afterward, it was off to the playing fields for the morale-building exercises: Playing all those stupid outdoor-party games, like three legged race and other goofy games like that. That was all nowheresville. I watched for 5 minutes or less, then wandered off, back to the picnic area, where there were still heaping piles of left-over BBQ Chicken. Soon thereafter, another employee joined me there. Then we had another sumptuous BBQ Chicken picnic, just the two of us, as we pigged out on BBQ Chicken to our hearts’ content, while the rest of the company goofed around with their silly “morale-building training exercises”.
Please spare us your pity. You say this as if it’s a fact, not an opinion. There are people in all cultures throughout time who simply didn’t enjoy dancing. I myself is one of them. And I’m sure most were forced by peer pressure just as we are today.
I’ve just never understood how to move my body to music (nor do I have any desire to learn) and what everyone finds so damn fun about it. And believe me, I’m no buzzkill. I just prefer sitting around a table drinking wine or beer with friends, just talking or playing a game. For what it’s worth, I’ll be 34 in a month.
Question for the OP: You make it sound as if everyone was dancing the entire event and were trying to coax you the entire event. Surely people did something else other than dance? If not, I completely commiserate. It sounded like a nightmare.
Wipe the smile off your face, lower your voice, look the person directly in the eye and say;
“Please don’t do this. I really do NOT want to dance/have cake, whatever. Thank you for understanding.”
Drop the smiley pretext, be very open, direct and honest. The person you are speaking to will react to that. Instead what appears coy, grinning, cajoling.
I feel a big part of getting people to hear your ‘no’, is on you. If your response isn’t working, change it up!
I think that if someone drags you out on the dance floor when you have made it clear that you don’t want to, then you should be allowed to abduct them and drag them to something you enjoy and think they should too. Who doesn’t love surprise bukkake parties?
The idea is to say “no” while being polite. Usually doing the “serious no” results in a complete buzzkill in the opposite party and you’re seen as the bad guy. I’ve only used it when pushed so far, and it either reveals the opposite party for the bully for which they are (they continue with force and jeer about it), or they avoid you for the rest of time with a “what’s wrong with YOU” look on their face. Generally, turning people off like this isn’t a bad result as you wouldn’t want to be their friend anyway, except at a company party it’s with coworkers who you have to work with and get along with. It’s more difficult to be a team player when you’re seen as the buzzkill person. Not good for the job if people take it seriously.
People are assholes when they push it that far. It’s unreasonable to be mad at me for something they’ve done, but it happens. Kind of a no-win scenario. If someone is pushing you to the point of the serious no, they’re not usually nice people who won’t blame you (or they would’ve stopped long before). I don’t like resorting to the serious no as it backfires as often as it works.
Yup, it’s a no-win situation. That’s why I suggest the “This is the last time I’ll say it politely” approach: it gives them a last chance to back out and save face. But as I’m sure you know, some fools ignore it.
Anyway, I love jumping off high rocks into cold water! It’s a joyful and fun experience. And takes zero skill. I feel sad for people who can’t share in the common experience of jumping together. It’s really a fundamental human experience undertaken by all cultures throughout time. I would encourage people to give it a try.
