The two children next door’s default mode appeared to be Scream (usually at each other). Perhaps it’s the standard for girls. Anyway, they’ve long since grown up and moved out. Last I heard, one of them was in the local paper for being stabbed by her boyfriend.
That’s kinda the crux of the matter. In my mind, nothing about my suggested phrasing calls you an idiot. But I can’t control - or necessarily predict - how you will perceive it. I think there is a pretty high possibility that many/most parents will perceive ANY comment about their kids which is less than wholly laudatory, in some negative manner. If not calling them an idiot, criticizing their kids, their child-rearing, being overly nosey or intrusive, being excessively sensitive, trying to impose my will, etc.
ISWYDT. Bravo!
I have two daughters 10 and 8. I’m pretty sure both my wife and I agree that if they are acting like little shits outside, any neighbor is welcome to tell them to knock it the fuck off.
I hear this a lot, but I don’t think it’s nearly as true as you’re making it out. Humans are really really good at communication in general, but it’s a skill, and the better you are at the speaking end, the more you can control and predict the audience end. Never perfectly, but pay attention to how folks suggest you’ll be perceived, because in general they’re onto something.
There’s a difference, to me, in how you and Pedro suggested responding. Yours said, “I assume you do not know how loudly that noise travels,” which comes across as passive-aggressive to me, too. Although you may not intend it, it sounds like there’s subtext: “I assume you DO know this, but we’ll both pretend you don’t, because only an idiot wouldn’t know how sound travels.” Pedro started his with, “I’m sorry to bring this up,” which acknowledges that it’s a bit of an intrusion, and begs pardon, thereby softening the criticism that’s about to come; and it ends with a request phrased as a favor. That comes across–at least in my cultural context–as a much gentler and kinder approach.
But you’re right, that people can’t always predict responses. For example:
I wasn’t sure if nobody caught it, or if nobody was going to dignify it with a response. Either way, fair!
That’s why Pedro’s wording is better. You didn’t need to criticize the kids, or the parents. You can just tell them that they are negatively impacting you, and respectfully request that they change something to reduce that.
Kids are noisy. It’s the nature of kids. Noisy kids aren’t being bad, nor are their parents being bad. But sometimes they bother others and can try to mitigate that.
And if they are just playing boisterously outdoors at 3pm, you should probably decide it’s your problem, not theirs.
Did he scream?
You can’t control how you are perceived, but you are choosing to play very long odds.
You can hope that your neighbors will just see you as very earnest guy and maybe just a little bit clueless at communicating and interpret your words in the best possible light. But more likely than not they’ll just be put off by your sarcastic tone and possibly tell you to buzz off.
If all things are equal. 50-50. (I don’t think they are, but no matter),
Half the time you’re gonna piss someone off.
If you have to live next door to this person it could get very uncomfortable for you.
As the OP says, they are virtually strangers.
I would not take the chance.
Kids are in school a good bit of the time.
Day time play at high noise levels is just gonna have to be expected.
If these young children are out after dark making these noises, call the police.
Don’t go over there at night. The parents may be drinking. You may be over tired and cranky.
All adds up to trouble.
Just call the police.
One other possibility is that the interaction goes fine and they say they’ll do something and then they don’t.
So in addition to the continuing nuisance, you now add the insult of them ignoring your request. I have never been in the particular situation of the OP but I have had, for example, polite notes I have placed in communal kitchens ignored and it makes it 10x worse.
I think we need to remember we are dealing with an ~3 year old boy and his ~5 year old brother. During COVID, I was WFH and my across the way neighbors had two boys of these ages. Every day, they would be let out into the space between the apartment building and shriek and shout until the inevitable meltdown (usually the younger boy) would get them sent back inside. I treated it as just among the things I would need to live with (like leaf blowers, garbage trucks, loud motorcycle, etc.). Kids make noise when they play together (As a little kid I was part of packs of kids that made so much noise that when I went to bed in the evening I couldn’t speak above a hoarse whisper), getting outside to play and run is important, parents live with the noise for far longer than I do.
If I had decided that I needed to try to mitigate this behavior, I would have approached the parents, but I would bear in mind that only one of the following approaches is worth trying:
- You are creating a problem, you need to fix it.
- I have a problem (with something you are doing), you need to fix it
- There is a problem, we need to see what we can do to fix it.
I learned a long time ago that establishing a mutual issue to work on and working to solve it is going to get better results than just piling everything on the other party. The third approach may not make the problem go away, but may provide a mutual understanding that mitigates it (for example, a solution could be for the parents to tell the kids they should try to use their inside voices more outside and introducing you to them as someone who will help with this by letting them know when they are getting to loud. Now you have parental permission to tell them to pipe down and you are an authority figure to the kids).
Of course, for the third way to work, you have to let go of your righteous anger, which can be tough.
Finally, I’ll once again remind everyone: 3 years old and 5 years old. Kids that age need to have outdoors time, they will get rambunctious (especially brothers), and expecting them (especially a 3 year old) to behave like little adults is, IMHO, fantasy. Think in terms of mitigation, not elimination.