I have, on occasion, visited the graves of famous people whose careers I admire. The first were Gus Grissom and Roger Chaffee, astronauts who died in the Apollo 1 tragedy, at Arlington National Cemetery. There have been a few more since then. There’s even a convenient website, findagrave.com. There’s something peaceful and contemplative about it. Someone who was a household name in life winds up next to people I’ve never known. For we are all dust, and to dust we shall return.
Last weekend I was at the memorial service for my uncle. I got there quite early, and had some time to wander the cemetery across the street. There were a few famous figures there, three musicians and even one of my favorite actors.
Sometimes I feel a little intrusive, though. I’m always quiet and respectful, but I didn’t really know any of these people. And it feels odd to pass by some graves in search of a few. All those people had lives, hopefully none are less worthy than others.
So, what do dopers think; am I buying in to our vapid, celebrity-obsessed culture, or seeking reminders of the transitory nature of our existence and the power of memory?
And does anyone else have similar stories to tell?
I think that visiting someone’s grave is not about the value of that person in general, but their value or relationship to you. If you set aside relatives and friends, whose graves it would presumably feel natural and normal to visit, everyone else is either a stranger about whom you know nothing, or a stranger about whom you know something (for example, a celebrity). If what you know about that stranger makes them of interest to you, by all means visit their graves without attacks of conscience about everyone whose grave you are not visiting.
I’ve never been there, but I hear tell the grave of Bill Monroe, the “Father of Bluegrass Music” in Rosine, Kentucky is a must visit for bluegrass fans, some of whom reportedly leave guitar picks by the grave of their idol. Bill probably wouldn’t have minded.
While walking in our neighborhood when we lived in central Ohio, we occasionally stopped at a small roadside cemetery. There weren’t any “celebrities” buried there, just ordinary 19th century folks. I don’t think visiting was in poor taste.
The Annie Oakley gravesite in Darke County Ohio is a historic monument and a “must see” atraction for visitors during the annual Annie Oakley Festival. Its downright rude not to go there!
I’ll add that it’s even more appropriate to visit the graves of celebrities, since in life most of them had a greater need for recognition than the rest of us.
Plus, when visiting the over-done graves of the famous, you can find the interesting graves of non-famous people buried nearby. That was certainly the case when I visited Cave Hill in Louisville.
I think visting graves is fine. People should be respectful and avoid disrupting vistors to other graves.
I think the large cemeteries in the Los Angeles area that catered to celebrities expect visitors. They probably offer maps.
Glen Campbell was buried in a family cemetery in Billstown, Arkansas. Find a Grave shows a basic headstone. I might visit sometime. It’s only an hour drive. His music was an important part of my life.
In college, i found out George Peppard was buried in my hometown, about four miles from where i lived. My buddy and i decided to go to the cemetery one day and look for his grave. Took us about an hour to find it. We brought a couple cigars and smoked them in his honor, and finished the afternoon with an “I love it when a plan comes together.”
I didn’t think it was in poor taste then nor do i now. We both had great memories of watching him on the A-Team growing up, and it was a pleasant surprise to find out he grew up in the same town at did.
One of the musicians I mentioned in the OP was Frank Sinatra. Apparently some people leave dimes, although I don’t remember seeing any when I was there. When Frank Sinatra, Jr. was kidnapped in the early-'60s, the kidnappers would only agree to contact Frank Sr. by pay phones. During one call, he ran out of change and was cut off. He carried dimes with him for the rest of his life.
I tend to specialize in rather obscure famous people. There are plenty of famous people buried at Arlington, and you can pick up a map on your way in. Grissom and Chaffee weren’t on it, though; I had to ask in the office where their graves were. I think that’s one of the things that draws me; the history, and how things change with the passage of time. You could hardly be more famous than an astronaut in the 1960s. A few decades later, and they weren’t on the map. Someone had left flowers on both graves, though.
I like George Peppard, but if I visited I’d be more likely to quote an old Polish proverb.
It’s called “paying your respects” for a reason. It’s not like you’re turning up to their wedding uninvited or intruding on a family wake. Pull a couple of weeds on any untended graves you happen to see!
Be respectful of the laws and other rules of the cemetery. But other than that, go nuts. They dead. They just aren’t “they” anymore. You might as well be tea bagging some random dirt pile out in the woods.
I’ve visited the Vienna Central Cemetery and Pere Lachaise in Paris. As long as you’re showing respect and not disturbing mourners, I don’t see why it would be in poor taste to visit.
Treating the grave with as much respect as you would for a loved one is one thing. Prancing around for a selfie with the headstone just to show you were there is quite another.
I would certainly feel guilty just thinking about it, even just visiting the grave of someone I actually knew, I’m not sure as to exactly why, but I’ve always felt slightly guilty for some reason when setting foot into a cemetery, even though I had no malicious intents.
I think the dividing line between tasteful and meaningful and tacky/in poor taste is whether you’re going to honor someone’s memory whose celebrity meant something to you, or whether you’re just a gawker who’s doing it because they’re notorious, or because you’re taking selfies for the 'Gram.
I mean, I feel like most people who visit Dallas and specifically visit Bonnie Parker, Clyde Barrow’s, or Lee Harvey Oswald’s graves are probably in poor taste. But someone who was a big fan of Stevie Ray Vaughan who visits town and his grave? Totally cool. Same with baseball fans who visit Mickey Mantle’s grave, or Dallas Cowboys fans who visit Tom Landry’s.
Depends on the actions of the fans. Père-Lachaise had to remove Jim Morrison’s headstone because of the rampant vandalism caused by Doors fans making a pilgrimmage. But when I went to Seattle, Lake View Cemetery had handy printed maps ready for Bruce and Brandon Lee fans to find their gravesite.
