I (a male) extend my hand to a woman because it’s the courteous thing to do in this culture. The culture I live in, and the woman is either living in or visiting.
If she has a problem with that, all she has to do is not extend her hand in response. A quick glance and a subtle shake of the head would help to let me know it was intentional (as opposed to just not noticing my hand).
It’s not complicated. If you have a taboo against drinking alcohol and I offer you a drink, don’t take it. If you have a taboo against shaking hands and I offer my hand, don’t take it.
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Once again, it’s actually not considered the courteous thing to do in this (American) culture under actual etiquette. Under the old etiquette, a gentleman waited for a woman to extend her hand no exceptions. To do otherwise meant he was crude,uneducated and worthy of contempt. In the new multicultural etiquette, you should always ask verbally regardless of gender simply because many people have religious, health, etc. taboos about hand to hand contact. Sticking your hand out at a women is not an innocent gesture. It’s rather insulting to anyone that doesn’t shake hands with members of the opposite sex or who simply doesn’t shake hands casually. In communities that place a high value on female chastiity, the woman may be put in a very awkward postion of having to explain why a strange man assumed that she would shake his hand in public. Why would you want to cause problems for someone? I find it really frightening that some men put their compulsion to stick out their hands (or willfull laziness in remembering a few etiquette rules) above the comfort and (sometimes safety) of another person.
Southern California here. Nobody asks, and nobody discusses unless they have enough of a connection to warrant it . A few folks drop bits of casual information - their kids just went to church camp, or they sing in choir. My annual ash-smeared forehead from early service on Ash Wednesday goes without comment.
The thing with ZPG is really quite simple. She’s Roma. She pretends to be talking about various cultures, but she is not. She is talking about her own. So, ultimately, she is doing the exact same thing she is accusing us of doing–trying to force us to do something we find objectionable because it should be normal, according to her culture.
And, really, how well would it go for you if you set a precedent that one culture can tell another how they should act? Do you realize how much in Roma culture is offensive to our culture? I’m very, very hesitant to bring them up here. But surely, as a Rom, you know what they are. I mean, they are so much against our cultural mores that beginning sociology books use them as an example.
The multicultural society does not just depend on everyone being as careful as possible to not offend another culture, but on those of the culture in question not to get offended by people who don’t know their mores.
And that is why I am in such disbelief about how offensive asking people about their religion is. Why can’t it just be seen as a social faux pas, explained as one, and then have both of you act like adults and move on?
And what’s wrong with someone pointing out how stupid a faux pas it is?
Most people hold religion is not a proper topic in most situations including at work. Asking what their religion fits into that. Personally I just ask what I feel like and do my best to be sensitive about it and it works for me.
This reminds me of an encounter I had some years ago. I was sitting in my dentist’s waiting room here in Bangkok, the only patient waiting, when an old white lady came in. She had an appointment, too. She sat down and after a few moments, she said (accent pegged her as a fellow American): “Excuse me, but do you read the Bible?” Me: “No.” She: “At what point in your life did you decide to hate the Scriptures?” Me (rolling my eyes): “I don’t discuss religion, and I’m not saying one more word to you about this.” Which shut the old bag up. My dentist told me she was a Jehovah’s Witness missionary.
My personal experience is people who bring up religion for no seemingly pertinent reason are overly religious for my tastes. Follow whatever false god floats your boat, but don’t bother me with it unless you’re simply trying to alienate me.
This can be a little tricky in some places over here, though. Many of the locals in Southeast Asia simply cannot wrap their minds around the concepts of “agnostic” or “atheist” or “no religion.” Many government forms that need to be filled out have a space for “Religion,” and officials will even go so far as to fill in “Christian” for you without asking. You’re white, you’re Christian, and that’s that.