Rude, inappropriate, and nosy and would get a big “mind your own fucking business” from me.
It seems that most people think that my opinion is way off-base. I don’t see how it’s wrong to ask someone what their religion is. I would think it’s wrong to follow the question up with a speech on how their religion is incorrect. To me, it would be like asking someone “what are your hobbies” or “do you have any children” or “what did you do last week-end”.
This is pretty much how I feel.
No, it’s not that way at all, at least in my professional environment. For white guys (and the American blacks) we all just assume that you’re some sect of Christianity, or maybe even atheist, with a smattering of Jewish. The other guys, though, are almost invariably immigrants or first generation offspring of immigrants. Asking about their religion is getting to know their culture and a little bit more about them. For example, two guys from India… one eats red meat even though he’s not supposed to, so what’s his religion? Another guy from India won’t eat root vegetables? Why not? Tell me a little more about Janism. Oh, you’re Iraqi? Are you Shia, Sunni, or maybe even Chaldean?
Well the problem is you’re waiting for that second question if your beliefs are outside the norm of whatever the area you live in is, or because they dont want to have to enter into a long discussion explaining it, and going through all the ‘really?’ responses yet again. Which isnt such an issue if your religion is a common one for the area because there isnt the followup explanations.
Also its something someone often wants to keep private not necessarily because of your individual reaction, but because of how other people than you might react if they also get to find out.
‘Hey Bob, Jim says you’re an atheist, whats up with that’.
Otara
Rightly or wrongly, people may feel that they will be the target of prejudice if they give an honest answer. For example: I’m an atheist. The world, if not the SDMB, is full of people who are fundamentally intolerant of atheists. A colleague, supervisor, or client could easily be among those who think atheists are a lesser sort of human and-- consciously or unconsciously – take it out on me at a later time. Ergo, I’m not really keen on revealing that fact in the workplace.
No doubt there are many people who’d prefer to keep quiet about their religious beliefs in the workplace for fear of stereotyping/backlash. You’re a Wiccan? Wow, what kind of stupid new-agey gullible person are you, anyway? You’re a Moslem? Omigod, you’re not a terrorist, are you? You’re a Buddhist? Goodness, I had no idea you were so … exotic.
ETA: Otara beat me to it, I see.
Exactly, exactly, exactly.
It’s personal. Rational or not, religion can be touchy subject.
If you’re friends with someone who you work with, and it comes up in conversation - maybe. If your coworker says something about their plans for Rosh Hashana or Diwali or whatever, sure - that’s a sign that they’re open to at least casual conversation about their religious/cultural traditions. If you’re just coworkers and you’re just curious? It’s none of your damn business.
And, yeah, it can lead to possible discrimination in the future. Or it could just highlight someone as a minority, which they don’t want. Or it could just make them uncomfortable, because they may not have a pat or shareable answer to the question.
Pretty much the same in my workplace, which is an immigration law practice; it just comes up, all the time, and nobody seems to mind talking about it. It helps to know about your co-workers’ backgrounds, because we get all sorts of cases that turn on people’s religious beliefs. We deal with asylum cases, intercultural marriages that don’t work out, intercultural marriages that do work out, but one spouse doesn’t tell the parents because they’ll get pissed off…religious practices are part of the human condition, and if we know what our colleagues’ backgrounds are, we have a better grip on who is likely to have insights into work-related issues.
I don’t know that it’s inappropriate, exactly, but it seems strange. Everything I’ve known about coworkers (and them about me) has come about through ordinary conversation. I find out they’re married because they mention a husband. I find out they have kids because they mention a kid. I find out they are Jewish or Catholic or whatever because they mention something to do with it- planning their son’s bar mitzvah or their daughters confirmation.
I wouldn’t be offended if someone asked me, and they’re probably better off asking than making assumptions. Once a coworker was telling me that he and I would have to reschedule some sort of training. I asked why and he said “the holidays”. I thought and I thought and I finally said “What holidays?” “Rosh Hoshanah” “I’m not Jewish” He was kind of embarrassed, but I’m used to it. ( Mediterranean complexion, German name and I live in NYC)
As one of those individuals who has no problem telling you what my religion is if you ask but would never, ever volunteer this information on my own for fear of all kinds of crap (based on past events), I have to ask:
Why does your friends want to know in the first place?
So why, do you in the US, care so much about the religious status of your elected officials?
It seems to me that you’re less open to asking about coworkers than the rest of the world, and more fanatical about the beliefs of your politicians.
In other words, why the dichotomy?
How about if your boss, when you’re out with the team on a semi-working lunch, says something like, “You have a degree in science and you like classical music? You’ve got to be Jewish aren’t you?”
Which is what happened to me about a month after I started working where I am now. She was right. Of course, my boss is Jewish too.
Yes, a hundred times yes. Religion is a private matter, at most a family matter, and does not usually belong in the workplace. The larger society should be a neutral meeting ground, not biased in favour of one religion or another. (We’re working on it…)
And politics counts as a workplace. Politicians wearing their religion on their sleeves is something which we have mercifully managed to mostly avoid in the past forty years or so in Canada. Thank, er, God.
The guy carries a knife at work, and she wants to know if he’s a Sikh.
(Kidding! I’m just kidding!)
Yeah. Unless the coworker is talking about something that happened/will happen at church, there’s no reason questions about their religion should ever come up.
Leaffan, can you think of examples where a coworker’s religion might influence something they do in a typical office setting? Short list, I bet. Because I can think of twenty times as many consequential things an elected official might do under the influence of their religion than I can consequential things coworkers could. I like my elected officials as areligious as possible and I’m a Christian myself, so you can only imagine how atheists feel about it.
Are we talking at cross purposes? In my post I was agreeing with **Arnold Winkelried **that it was reasonable to ask about a colleague’s religion. I have certainly done so on occasion.
Always inappropriate. (this is the UK, we don’t talk God). Even when I did the branding for an Anglican church, even THEY didn’t ask me. For the record, I’m atheist, and would have said so if they’d asked but I also knew they wouldn’t, out of politeness and not wanting me to feel awkward.
Depends. But mostly, it’s personal, and if we’re not already on pretty friendly terms, I don’t see why the hell you’d want to know. I prefer to keep professional relations friendly but professional, unless I really like you.
I live in the Netherlands, and like SanVito, I’m an atheist and I’ve done some work for religious organizations, and even they don’t ask. In return, I try not to swear in front of them.
Inappropriate to ask a work colleague.
May be appropriate to ask a new neighbour, but only in very specific situations.
“We’re nailing down details for the BBQ next week for the block- The Cohen’s are doing the Kosher food, the Amirs have the Halal stuff covered, Mrs Gupta is sorting out the vegans and veggies, and I’m doing basic hamburger and hotdogs. So whose list should I add you to?”
“Summer schemes for the kids you say…well there are a few in the area, but most are affiliated with religious organisations, so I’m not sure which direction to point you in…”
“The neighbours usually usually organise Carol singing for the kids, but obviously the Cohens, the Guptas and the Amirs opt out for religious reason- would you be interested in getting involved?”
I never have. It may come up, it has come up, it’s a perfectly fine subject to talk about when it does come up so long as nobody gets stupid about it (same as politics or sports), I’ll fill the datum away if it’s available, but I don’t ask myself.
The closest I’ve come is asking, in a factory in Brazil, who owned one of the cars in a Reserved spot, specifically the one with a Teams of Our Lady decal. But this was because my parents were in TOL as well so it was a sort of “point of contact” between me and this person, and I’d known all the car’s potential owners for over half a year. Turned out that he and my parents had been in some of the same mega-meetings but had not met; he and Dad had communicated several times about a project involving TOL in Spain and Latin America. I think this would be socially similar to asking about a sports decal, only foreign fans of Barça or Real Madrid usually tell me as soon as they find out I’m from Spain.