Thank you for this Diogenes.
Not having or working with children has greatly limited my experience and I don’t think I have ever been around any other child that pushed my buttons like this one. I have dealt with my share of bad behavior and general “kidness”, but not this type of, “I really don’t like this kid”, reaction in myself. I am kind to him despite this, but he still may sense my dislike and that may color his reactions to me also.
I know the reaction well. It doesn’t make you abnormal, and your kindness won’t necessarily make a difference, but it’s still worth a try. I never once regretted being nice to a kid, no matter what kind of little asshole he was.
Don’t get me wrong - the boy sounds plenty rude - I just don’t think this is an example of his rudeness.
Not a problem. You are not picking at all. I really thought twice about posting that anyway.
An asshole is an asshole regardless of innocence or circumstance. The kids a little jerk, plain and simple. But there is ALWAYS a reason why. “Just because” is a shitty answer. And regardless of circumstance, it does not negate the need for corrective measures.
Unfortunately yes.
Or what you are, neurologically. But you are pidgin-holing him too, and thats the same as pathologizing. You just dont have a formal term.
Would you mind expounding?
One time my kids and I chatted up a little girl who was playing at the park where I had taken my kids to play after school. This park is adjacent to the elementary school and both are about 3 blocks from where I live.
Then she followed us home.
I kept trying to shoo her off at each of the three intersections on the way to my house, but she insisted she knew the neighborhood and knew how to get home and continued to follow us from a little distance.
Then she just sat down on the curb in front of my house.
I went out to see what she was doing and she said that maybe she really didn’t know where she was after all.
Crap.
So, I drove her back to the playground and had her point out to me how she walks home and took her to her apartment. Her mom didn’t seem at all alarmed that she was about and hour and a half, maybe two hours, late to get home from school.
I always felt for that kid. Was she so starved for attention that she would follow stranger home? Didn’t her mom notice her missing?
He totally knows he’s hitting your button and being a little shit. But he’s a kid, it’s probably just a phase, in reality. But definitely supremely annoying.
If I were you, I’d be working on my best, “Eat Shit” grin, while saying the word, ‘Indeed!’.
It’s the perfect response, it’s not a push back, it’s a question, a statement, an acknowledgment, and it’s a little confusing. Hardly a situation where it isn’t the perfect response!
Any further questions receive only the, “Eat Shit” grin, as response. Further engagement is futile, and will only create drama and conflict, just move along.
Normal.
I have a friend with a kid about that age that I can’t stand. He is whiny. He is rude. He is badly behaved. He likes to be the victim when he doesn’t get his own way i.e. “Dangerosa won’t let me play with her iPhone because she doesn’t LIKE me.” Well, yes, I don’t like the little brat, but my phone is also NOT A TOY and none of the kids are playing with my phone.
This morning, before they went out riding again, the SO asked Trevor if he had fun yesterday. He said, “Well, yeah, but it would have been more fun on newer, faster snowmobiles.”
SO said, “Well, then I guess you don’t want to go today?”
Trevor sputtered a few minutes and got angry because he thought he was going to be left behind.
SO then informed him that IF we bought newer, faster sleds…we wouldn’t let an 10 year old ride them by himself.
He then gave him a little direction. “You are a guest in my house and I am allowing you to ride my sleds. If you don’t think they are good enough, that’s your opinion, but it is damned rude to say that to me. The proper thing to say is, ‘Thank you for letting me ride.’ Otherwise, you can be sure you won’t be asked to come back and/or won’t be allowed to ride with the rest of us since you find it beneath you.”
He sputtered a little and started to come back with a “but.” That got cut off very quickly. “No buts. My house, my sleds, my rules. In this house, you mind your manners or you don’t get to do the fun stuff. Period.”
His dad came in for the end of this and asked what was going on. When he heard what the kid had said yesterday, I thought I saw a little steam starting under the collar. He is a weekend dad and now that I think about it, I don’t recall that the kid has never pulled this stuff here when Dad was in the area.
We’ll see what happens now that he has been called on the carpet by both the host and the Dad.
Sometimes a little direction like that is necessary. There are kids who have literally never been taught basic manners and don’t even know they’re being rude.
Well, it worked. For now.
When they came in for lunch, we had shredded pork tacos. Leftovers from last night’s pulled pork sandwiches and coleslaw. Trevor told me he really liked “that meat”. He asked me what is was, “so dad could maybe bring some more of that when we come back next time. Maybe, you could cook that again?”
When I told him it was pork butt, hilarity ensued from all three boys.
“We’re eating BUTT?!!!” 
However, he did say “Thank you” and said “See, Dad, I do too have manners.”
We’ll see if that holds when they come back in a couple weeks.
ETA: I still have that gut reaction to the kid, but at least this helps a little.
How I figure it is, loving all my students is a professional obligation, and I do love them all. There’s no professional obligation to like them all.
I’m glad to hear that the direction is paying off! Every year I have a student or two like that, a kid who’s just really mouthy and backtalky, or who lies constantly, or is rude to me and to peers. It’s part of my job to help them improve this behavior, so I do a lot of pulling students aside and giving them completely unambiguous (to put it nicely) direction in what they just did wrong and what I expect of them next time.
When I was a kid, I was constantly told how smart I was, and I know I was insufferable about it. I remember in fourth grade when the AG teacher held me back from lunch and ripped me a new one about my arrogance. I adored her, and I spent the conversation in tears. And it changed my life.
She was fulfilling a professional obligation to me, for which I am very thankful. I think it’s not necessary for you to do it as a host, but it’s also not out of bounds to tell the kid that a certain behavior is rude, and to respond to the kid much more bluntly than you would to an adult pulling the same crap.
Not every bad personality trait mentioned on an Internet message board is Asperger’s.
:eek:
Wow… That’s…interesting…wow. What a character.
Oh, the irony. It burns.
I wonder if the ability to respond in that way factors into your SO’s love of kids. If he doesn’t put up with their bullshit, maybe said bullshit isn’t that big a deal to him. For him, it’s just a chance to teach basic social skills, and not anything worth getting upset about.
I know my sister is that way. I on the other hand have a hard time disciplining anyone, as it really does “hurt me more than it hurts them.”
I should probably clarify, so as not to be a jerk. You, ZPG, get upset about a bunch of things that most of us think are no big deal. I am sure that many wuld classify you as the same type of person as you describe. Assuming you do not believe this about yourself, that should be sufficient evidence of the innacuracy of your statement.
The real issue is that different people have differnet buttons, and expect different things out of different people. I know a lot of people who believe you should not question free food, and, although I disagree even I can hear a kid asking “What’s in this?” in a rude manner. You can say “Ew” with just your tone of voice.
Or they don’t really look at members of that group as individuals. Or what they like is… doing things to them.
Like those old folk who claim to like kids but what they like is squeezing kids’ cheeks, even after the kid is bawling “nooo booboo noooooo!” That’s not someone who likes kids, that’s either a sadist who can’t take it out on anybody her own size or someone who views the child as a toy (“looks at those chubby cheeks! so soft!”) and not a human being.
I’ve seen people be as crappy with dogs: cats usually snarl, claw and bite sooner than infants and dogs :mad:
Back when I was a kid, there were quite a few kids I didn’t like/didn’t like much. That didn’t mean I would be mean to them or anything, but… well, one of them was such a terror, his name is still used locally as an insult 35 years later, by people who don’t even know why that name is an insult. I don’t see why my being older should mean I have to like anybody who happens to be shorter than the table.
That isn’t the same feeling at all.
Ron? 