I worked in restaurants for ten years. We were happy to accommodate preferences. We hated people who lied about allergies. Call ahead; explain about the oysters, see what they can do. If not satisfied, go elsewhere. Don’t be a dick.
Acme Oyster House in NOLA maybe?
Yeah, if she can’t stand oysters, she shouldn’t order something that contains oysters. I have an actual, ingestion-leads-to-hives-in-the-mouth-and-throat, food allergy and if something is described as containing my allergen, I don’t order it even with a promised subsitution because I can’t trust that there couldn’t be accidental contamination of the utensils when they make it. And if I’m not positive that a food without it listed doesn’t contain it, and no I can’t rely on the waitstaff’s suppositions, I don’t order it even though there are reasonable odds that it could be fine. But, please don’t contribute to restaurants taking allergies less seriously because not everyone is capable of always being as vigilant as I am.
Thank you to everyone who provided constructive answers, especially Filbert and Tired and Cranky.
When I referred to ”a seasonal, chef’s choice menu” I was referring to tasting menus, but didn’t want to limit the topic. Some restaurants have a variety of menus, which may or may not include an a la carte menu. At others, such as chef’s tables, the menu is a list of the food you’ll be served, not a list of options for you to pick from.
For those people who didn’t understand the question, but chose to respond anyway, I’ll provide a few details. The vast majority of restaurant bookings I make are via the Internet. Frequently, if the restaurants are offering a tasting menu or something similar, they’ll ask you to select it ahead of time. Also, these tasting menus aren’t always set ahead of time. They’re created by the chef based on ingredients that are in season, available, and that he wants to cook with. Sometimes you can leave a comment on an Internet booking if you have a special request, and I’ve tried this, but I’ve never had any indication that these make it beyond the reservation system. Roughly half of the restaurants I make a booking at will call me a couple of days ahead of time to confirm the reservation. Often, during this call, I’ll be asked if we have any allergies. A few times, when I was booking a table at a seaside or French-cuisine restaurant where I thought it was likely the tasting menu would include oysters, I replied that we had no allergies, but would prefer not to be served oysters. Each time, this seemed to confuse the person calling to confirm the reservation so I stopped doing it. I’d prefer to let the restaurant know ahead of time, but haven’t found a convenient way of doing so. And no, I’m not going to call the restaurant ahead of time, ask to speak to the chef and ask, just in case you’re planning on putting oysters on the menu, could you arrange a substitute for my wife.
Here’s a more complicated question: I’m intolerant of alcohol. Give me even a small sip of it, and I’ll get sick. This fortunately isn’t usually an issue at restaurants, because there are laws about selling alcohol, but it can come up at home gatherings: If someone offers me something with alcohol, I’ll say no, and explain that it’s because I’m intolerant.
Now, what I have is not an allergy (I don’t think it’s even possible to be allergic to a molecule as simple as alcohol). I’m pretty sure it’s an enzyme deficiency. But most people don’t understand the distinction. So when I tell people “I’m alcohol-intolerant”, they’ll often say something like “Oh, you’re allergic?”. Is it worth trying to explain the distinction, or should I just nod and say “something like that.”?
this sounds like the perfect question to ask The Salty Waitress.
Yes IMHO, just answering “Something like that” is your best bet. If you insist you don’t have what is medically defined as an “allergy”, you run the risk of the person misunderstanding and serving you what will in fact make you sick. Colloquially, it’s perfectly fine to use the word “allergy” to mean “this substance will make me projectile vomit all over your house, so please don’t serve it to me”.
I’ve never had that experience anywhere. How was this confusion expressed? I’ve never had a restaurant try to serve me something I told them I didn’t want to eat.
So just ask what has oysters in it, and don’t eat that.
I don’t get the concept of “substitutes”. They’re not your personal chefs - they make what’s on the menu, and if something isn’t on there, you don’t get to eat it. Period. You can ask them to take something out, and they might do so if it’s convenient for them, but adding stuff in? Restaurants have enough work already.
Did you know about your wife’s peculiar dislike of oysters prior to marriage? If not, did you consider annulment?
What kind of restaurants do you frequent that try to make your wife eat oysters?
I’ve had plenty of tasting menu experiences and the like, and it’s never been a problem to ask (in my case) if a dish includes truffles. If it does, I state that I don’t enjoy the flavor and could they please not include the truffles. Not once have I had the experience of a kitchen trying to sneak a truffle shaving in under the sauce or whatever, just because they really, really wanted me to eat some truffle.
Oysters aren’t a staple ingredient like onions, for instance, so it seems that even in a seaside restaurant it’s not like you’re going to encounter them in that many dishes. And since it’s just a taste preference, the worst outcome is she doesn’t like the dish and you conclude that restaurant isn’t so good at serving its customers’ desires.
Go to restaurants that respect a reasonable request and don’t try to force an oyster down your wife’s throat. Certainly no need to fake an allergy.
The first time this happened was when a person called me to confirm a booking at a seaside restaurant and then asked if we had any allergies. In my mind, a reply that no we don’t have any allergies but prefer not to be served oysters seemed reasonable and easy to understand and note down. Instead, the person who called started stammering, asked if I was allergic to oysters when I had just told them I wasn’t, and seemed unsure whether they should write it down or not. And then, when we went for the meal, we were asked the same question by the server anyway. The same situation occurred a couple of years later with a different restaurant. I learned not to make special requests to the person calling to confirm the booking.
A similar situation occurred once more when we were making a booking at a restaurant in person for the following night. The greeter seemed absolutely flummoxed when my wife said she had no allergies, but didn’t like oysters. (This incident happened soon after we were served oysters as an amuse bouche at a different restaurant. She passed hers on to me.) Fortunately, she was able to call over a manager who easily understood our request. His response - “that’s fine, don’t worry about it, just tell your server tomorrow night.”
Perhaps the real problem is that you’re talking to the wrong people. Anyone on the phone, or the greeter, is mainly concerned with getting you seated and comfortable. If you bring up a preference for no oysters, it probably rings alarm bells in their head about how important it is to respect allergies. That’s not something they usually deal with directly, so they’re confused that you’re asking for no oysters but say it’s not an allergy. They don’t want to do the wrong thing and accidentally kill your wife, but a mere taste preference is not usually part of their job.
I’d keep quiet about it until you’re seated and then just politely explain to your server that your wife prefers no oysters in her meal. The server will ask if it’s an allergy, and you should state clearly that it is not, but she still very much does not want oysters tonight. Any decent restaurant can adjust for that request.
If you really can’t stand the thought of calling the restaurant ahead of time and saying you’d prefer not to have any dishes that contain oysters, then I suggest you stick to vegetarian restaurants and tasting menus.
I just don’t understand why the restaurant needs to know your preferences in advance.
As others have eloquently explained, no, it’s not okay.
If you aren’t willing to end up with something you don’t like, then you shouldn’t be ordering chef’s choice menus. It’s the chef’s choice. That’s the point.
Yes, that’s what normal people do. They ask for a substitute. If there’s no substitute, they order something else.
French ones. Last year, we went to France, and booked ahead at a lovely restaurant that had two choices - the menu of the day, or the vegetarian menu of the day. At the start of the meal, the server asked if had any allergies or dietary issues, and my wife asked not to be served oysters. It turned out the soup was an oyster soup, and they simply asked my wife is she’d be happy with the vegetarian option, which she was. No problem.
We’re going back to France soon, have started looking at restaurants, and have already booked one - which fortunately doesn’t have oysters on the menu we plan to eat from. There’s a second restaurant we like the sound of, in a town where we’re taking a day trip, that we’ll probably book. This place doesn’t have a set menu, or an a la carte menu. If we book, we’ll be eating the chef’s menu of the day. I was toying with the idea of writing on the booking form that my wife has an oyster allergy to avoid a potential future drama, but don’t want to be a pain in the ass to the kitchen. But then I wondered if it would genuinely be a pain in the ass. Thus the OP.
In your shoes, I’d probably say something like, “it’s not technically an allergy, but it’s very similar; I can’t even have a drop of it.” But in a restaurant, if you have one of those quacks-like-an-allergy-but-is-technically-something-else conditions, I’m OK with calling it an allergy. If you don’t like onions, you can say no onions, and then if they give you something that tastes like onions, just send it back. If that first bite of a dish with onions, or if a tiny bit of onion juice that you can’t even taste could make you physically ill, you have my blessing to tell the server you’re allergic.
Well, fortunately a couple of normal people have already provided perfectly fine answers without making snide comments that added nothing to the thread.
Just tell the server no oysters and come up with a substitute or just order something else instead. No restaurant wouldn’t comply; they can’t make you eat oysters.