So would you be open to dating someone with absolutely any superficial features?
Me? Sure. Beggars can’t be chosers, frankly. But in this case I, and I thought it obvious, didn’t mean in an individual basis.
If a black man says he wants to date only black women, or a white woman says she wants to date only white men how is that superficial? They may have a good reason for it besides ‘looks’ or ‘race’.
Where some of you see racism and exclusion, I see somebody who knows what they want and doesn’t want to waste anybody’s time.
When I see an ad written by a black man who says ‘black women only’ I don’t think racist, I think he knows what he wants and only* he* knows why he wants it.
It’s not my place to challenge or judge it.
He might be a racist, or maybe he doesn’t want to upset his poor old grannie by bringing a white woman to Thanksgiving dinner, or maybe he’s more comfortable with someone of a similar culture, or maybe he dated a white woman and found out he doesn’t like being the only black face at the family reunion, or maybe he has dated outside his culture and decided that the challenges of dating someone of a different culture is something he doesn’t want to do, maybe he knows his friends will be rude to her.
I think it’s rather rude to assume somebody’s dating preferences are based on racism, and quite frankly it’s really nobody’s business except the parties involved.
And how do you know that people from other races don’t have that same thing? The only thing all members from a determined race have got in common is being considered members of that race. Every single individual from that race have got unique personalities, tastes and their own cultural make up. How is a black woman from New York the same as a black woman from London, or one from Botswana? None of those three women would coincide in anything.
Excluding from your love life every single human who doesn’t fit a requirement as superficial as enough production of melamine is the definition of racism.
While your hypothetical black man maintaining institutionalized racism by kowtowing to the whims of racists (and make no mistake, a racist kindly old grandmother is not less of a racist) may not be as bad as an actual racist, I wouldn’t call his attitude particularly defensible.
If something as harmful as racism cannot be judged, frankly, then nothing else can.
sure, but broadcasting them is not a good idea imo.
I come from a diametrically opposite point of view from sahirrnee. I want to completely crush the concept of race in people’s minds. For start, I want people to think : 1 country = 1 race. People staying in 1 country from generations, speaking same language, perhaps(not necessarily) having different types of upbringing shouldn’t think that they are different ‘race’ from each other with skin/hair/eye color being the physical differentiating factor. Then define attractiveness based on that and completely disregard factors like cheerfulness, helpfulness, intelligence, humor and non race-specific physical factors(in looks, body etc).
Race is similar to the current state of caste system in India which is also I find cringe worthy. Thankfully Indians are renouncing it slowly mostly because of the reformation of society, partly because the difference in the supposed people of ‘different caste’ isn’t as stark as difference in people of supposed ‘different race’
I don’t see how anyone can be attracted to their own race.
Doesn’t a person of your own ethnicity remind you of your own mother/father/sister/brother?
I am of asian ethnicity, and every single asian human I encounter physically reminds me of a blood relative of mine.
Is it racist if I don’t find my own race to be attractive?
Who would completely disregard personality and nonracial physical features? You don’t have to pick just one aspect to care about (actually you can’t pick anything because it’s not a conscious choice to be attracted to someone or not).
Very well. I am not trying to suggest one should hate oneself or feel bad abt one’s choice(sorry if it comes across like that).
I am suggesting dont reinforce your subconscious by telling yourselves that its perfectly fine to be only attracted to one particular race…tell yourself that maybe its due to your own limitations that you aren’t finding other races attractive(or that you’re giving race too much decisive weightage) and perhaps you could improve in this regard. This is for everyone including myself ofcourse.
Do you believe that heterosexuals should tell themselves maybe it’s due to their own limitations that they aren’t finding the same sex attractive (or that they’re giving sex too much decisive weightage) and that perhaps they could improve in this regard?
^^
I have got nothing to say to you if you are equating this with sexual orientation(heterosexuality, homosexuality etc).
Even though the answer to that is probably “yeah”, let’s start by pointing out that gender is a biological fact, while race is a social construct.
I have a friend who, every time he is interested in a girl of a different religion his parents go nuts. And they would likely disown him if he dated an Indian, Pakistani or African woman. He is not racist but his family sure are.
I’m not going to try to argue yea or nay on the social construct point, but just as there is a range of personalities among people within a race, there is a range of personalities within a sex.
There are boyish and unfeminine women out there. Probably more than a few who share my values and interests. Aren’t I limiting myself if I refuse to even consider them - couldn’t I improve by trying to get past a superficial detail? (The words I bolded were what stood out for me in the post I responded to.)
You kidding? You haven’t even actually lived until you’ve dated a real tomboy.
groan
All kidding aside, there are presumably people out there who would otherwise be suitable for me, but that I would reject simply for being female. Is that more valid than rejecting someone of another race who would otherwise be suitable for me? Why or why not? (And does the answer change if we’re talking about homosexuals who reject otherwise suitable people of the opposite sex?)
Dating and relationships are supposed to be at least a little bit fun. This discussion makes them sound as much fun as being told to eat your vegetables.
To the people who are advocating trying to change preferences, would you want to be someone else’s “vegetables” - someone they don’t really want to date, but will because it’s The Right Thing To do?
I struggle with that question myself.
For me, it’s not strictly racial, but more ethnic. I’m Jewish, and don’t tend to find men with stereotypically Jewish looks and/or mannerisms attractive at all. I wouldn’t not date one if I liked him, but it’s hard to imagine actually liking one. It’s not even that they remind me of my relatives. I don’t know what it is. Some form of self-hatred, maybe?
Other than that, I like all different types, though I admit certain racial/ethnic types turn my head more than others.
@OleOneEye - If we think we will experience guilt, forcefulness or dilution of fun aspect in having the perspective from post#88, its better for us to keep thinking that its perfectly fine to be attracted to only one particular (supposed)race.
Or people can own and deal with their own butthurt when someone else isn’t interested in them.
I just don’t think I owe a black man (or a woman of any race) a chance any more than I owe any given white man a chance. What I’m seeing here is that some people feel entitled to reciprocal interest.
Noone is asking entitlement from anyone, you do not owe anything to anyone…
Then why care whether someone is “limited” and needs to “improve” the set of people they’re attracted to?