I am saying one can very well have the perspective of post#88 without having a feeling of guilt, owing, entitlement, forcefulness and without the dilution of fun aspect of dating/relationship.
If thats not the case with you, you are best advised to keep believing what you believe.
You didn’t answer my question. Why care who other people are attracted to?
Where is the question of bother? I am giving my perspective on the subject.
The words “limitation” and “improve” stand out. As does “immature”. It implies that one set of preferences is better - more mature - than another.
But then the question becomes - why care who other people are attracted to?
I can almost see being concerned for someone if they’re only attracted to people of a certain race, and there aren’t many people of that race where they live. But otherwise?
It’s not the same because, and we can discuss whether gender-ism is a good thing or not as much as you want after we agree on this point, gender is not a superficial feature. Race is.
Would I want to date somebody who rejects me without knowing me at all because of the colour of my skin? Well, no. That sounds like a terrible date. And that’s because her personality is not a superficial feature, while my race is. And if the point of the thread was “Should racists start dating people from other races?” you would have a point.
It’s not. The point of the thread is asking whether or not not being attracted to other races is racist.
I don’t think that anybody here is trying to butt into your personal life and your business. I, frankly, only see people trying to see whether an attitude can be classified within the definition of a word. It’s a discussion about semantics, not a rally to force you to date outside your race.
I can’t agree. There’s enough variation within a sex, that in edge cases it can become a superficial feature. And race has its own share of cultural baggage - I don’t want to have to deal with that on a date. I want someone whose background I can identify with.
The point I was responding to was more along the lines of “people who aren’t attracted to a race are limited and should try to improve their preferences.” It came across as condescending. I can’t even agree that making private choices based on these preferences is racism.
You missed the word “maybe/perhaps”. I am suggesting a possibility… a strong possibility.
Broadcasting your racial preferences for dating/relationships is definitely immature imo.
Thats not the case.
Women are attractive to me, dont think about their race…
Maybe your life would improve greatly by suddenly having billions of new people to date at your disposal. It’s still not anybody’s business if you don’t care, and I will defend your right to not care. What we are discussing here, however, is a word.
And outright dismissing every single member of one or several races is racist. And that’s all right, we all are prejudiced in some way or another, and as long as you don’t harm anybody, it’s still your business whether you want to confront that or not.
But the definition of a word, is the definition of a word. And that doesn’t change.
But isn’t harm a necessary element of racism?
Good point. As long as you don’t harm anybody outside of your own self, I meant.
“Discrimination based on race” would be an appropriate phrase.
I guess the problem is that I wouldn’t apply the word “discrimination” to such a private decision. You could make it fit, I suppose, but I tend to hear that word applied in public life - civil rights or commerce.
Dating people you’re not attracted to is anything but fun. Every time I’ve tried to “give a chance” to someone I wasn’t attracted to, it was horrible. And then when they try to get physical what are you supposed to say? “Sorry, I’m not attracted to you yet so that would be gross, but I’m just seeing if I can be eventually. How about a nice handshake instead?” Either that or lie to them.
You are still painting with the same brush every situation that makes you not attracted to somebody. There are plenty of deep and meaningful reasons that make somebody unappealing, and that’s fair, and plenty of random superficial features that shouldn’t influence you unless you are prejudiced, and prejudice is a flaw on your character. Your flaw, and nobody else’s business, but a flaw.
Like I said, everyone is attracted to and not attracted to people for a variety of superficial reasons. It can’t be a flaw if it’s everyone.
How so? Everybody’s flawed. That doesn’t mean that flaws don’t exist, it just means that perfection is an unattainable goal.
But the fact that everybody’s full of prejudices by nature, it doesn’t mean that we can’t judge prejudice, particularly when they become extreme.
I don’t get how it’s even a prejudice. I’m not judging anyone I’m not attracted to, I’m just not attracted to them.
Of course it COULD be a prejudice, if you’re not into people of some race because you think they’re stupid or something. But it doesn’t have to be.
How is believing that a group of people is unattractive not a judgement? It may not be the more conscious of judgements, but it is one nonetheless.
Do heterosexuals believe that people of their own sex are unattractive?