My friend John mailed me a birthday card all the way from Connecticut, and it finally got here a little before 10 AM yesterday. While I definitely appreciate the card (even though he included a misspelt version of my middle name on the envelope… what’s up with that inclusion? ), he didn’t include my name in the card.
All he wrote in the card was “Sept. 17, 2003” and “Happy birthday! Love, John B.” (and for all you trainspotters out there, the “love” is platonic… we’re NOT going out anytime soon :p)
I was slightly upset that he’d included my middle name on the envelope (but not enough to really fash about), but I was a bit more disappointed that he hadn’t taken the time to at least include my name in the card. (yes, I know his MS makes it very difficult to write things… especially as he has only one working hand… but couldn’t he have made that special effort for me?)
I asked my friend Corey about this, and he said, “I’d think you probably should put that in there…” That would be my thinking exactly… I’ve never received a card to date (until now) that didn’t have my name in it!
So in your opinion, is it rude (or a slight breach in manners) to give a greeting card to someone and never address them by name in the card? Or am I just getting disappointed over nothing? (like, is it worth that feeling?) I don’t think I’ll make a huge issue over this next time I see him online (unless the prevailing consensus is that I should), but I’ll definitely let him know how I feel.
I don’t think it’s rude because there’s no question who the card is for, silly.
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I hate when people use my name in conversation, other than the greeting. “Ok, Bruce, we’ll see you later!” I just think it sounds condescending. I know I stand on an island there though.
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I hate it when people put “Juanita,” before the pre-printed message in the card. I know for whom the card is meant.
It has never, ever occurred to me even one of the many people to whom I’ve sent or given cards may have been offended that I didn’t write his/her name before the message in the card.
No, definitely no question who the card is for… but it would have been nice if he’d put my name in the card. There has been no question as to who all the other cards I’ve received were for, yet all my other friends have included my name in there! (even in the form “Dear [Flami]”) It’s just polite, y’know? Or at least that’s what I was taught.
Most paranthetical asides, eh? I just write like that. No offense taken, although I’m sure there have been OPs far longer than mine with a LOT more paranthetical asides.
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I like when people use my name in conversation occasionaly besides the greeting. Not all the time, but every once in a while… especially when there’s a whole lot of us talking. It serves to clear up any confusion. If they didn’t use my name at all, that would be impolite.
Pah, they weren’t even nested. (which, while not approaching the level of parenthaphilia of needing several sorts of bracket (such as { and [ ) is one of the nerdiest things I’ve seen done with grammar) I must go out and break that record!
I don’t think not putting your name on the inside is rude. I think not putting a more personalized message is the rude part. I almost never buy birthday cards but when I do I avoid like the plague any which have words in them which rhyme with one another, or contain joke attempts, or say much beyond “happy birthday.” Then I sit down and actually use my brain to think of things to write in the card my own self. Failing to put a personalized message in a card that you’re purchasing for someone you care about sends the message that you can’t think of something on your own drawing from your personal knowledge and experience with the actual person that speaks to your feelings for that person better than some greeting card-writing hack.
A man with MS and the use of only one hand, takes the time and makes the considerable effort to address and send you a card for your birthday and you take offense that your name wasn’t written on the inside? I’m simply so stunned at such ungratefulness that I don’t know what to say.
I’m amazed that you even noticed; I have never given the slightest thought to what was written in my birthday cards unless there was a longer personal message. And I vote for not rude.
I gotta agree with this. That’s just selfish. Sometimes, it can’t be all about you, even on your birthday.
I sometimes send cards with no signature, so that the recipient can “re-card”. They know who sent it and who it’s from. Money in the card tends to ease the grief of not having their name or mine written on the card.
Not rude. If he has MS, he might certainly have felt limited enough to have not been able to scribble in your name - and really, even questioning the writing extent of someone with a muscular disease is a bit… much.
If you want to be totally Miss Manners about it, she thinks most all pre-printed cards are rude and that if you’re going to send a note to someone, it should be all written by you. However, I suspect even she would make an exception for someone with MS.
I’m with Juanita on this one. The only time I write someone’s name in the card, is when I am writing a message in a blank section. This is for the times I am mailing a gift and know I am not going to be there in person. If I am going to be there in person, I don’t put their name in. I don’t view omitting the name as rude, so much as redundant.
And Shayna, I could be wrong, but I don’t think that Otto was saying specifically that the friend in the OP was rude; I think he was merely stating his philosophy about card-giving, which is that he’d be more offended by the absence of a personal note than he would by the omission of his name inside the card.
Well, I could be wrong, too, which is why I merely inquired as to whether he may have overlooked the part of the OP I quoted. However, it seemed to me that he was addressing the specific person as it pertained to the actions outlined in the OP. While the 2nd part of his post does go on to say how he feels about greeting cards in general, he opens his reply with, “I don’t think not putting your name on the inside is rude. I think not putting a more personalized message is the rude part.”
But either way, even if the card-giver in the OP didn’t have MS and the use of only one hand, actually telling them you were offended that they didn’t include your name inside the card is the absolute height of rudeness. When someone does something nice for you, even if it’s not what you would have done in similar circumstances, it’s extraordinarily gauche to express anything but the most sincere gratitude.
And in case there’s any confusion whatsoever, the last sentence in my reply following a repeat of the OP’s quote was directed at my offense at the OP, given that quoted part, not Otto.
Not rude at all, IMO. It’s already addressed to me, been put in my hot little hands either by the postman or the giver himself, so why do I need the further address on the inside of the card?
It is especially not rude when the giver in question has to struggle to write at all, has included a small note and the date and gone to the considerable trouble to address the envelope himself. It is even more especially not rude when the giver has gone to special effort to put your bloody middle name on the bloody envelope.
What IS rude, however, is to recieve a card from a man who has MS and only has the use of one hand, who has gone to the trouble to write your middle name, and get grumpy because he didn’t spell it right. It is even ruder to whine, pule, and complain because he didn’t struggle, one-handed, to put your name in a card you already knew was addressed to you.
If I were the man in question, I’d use my one good hand to slap such a recipient right across their whiny mouth.
Shayna, I can understand that he may have felt constrained and limited by his disability. I assure you that I am fully grateful for the SURPRISE in my mailbox… I have a right to be a touch dismayed, though. (just as you have a right to your opinion)
My other thoughts on thsi matter and the majority of the posters in this thread are best kept to myself. You’ll have to figure out who I’m not including, though.
For the record, it was one of those cards with a pre-printed message… and he did take the time to semi-personalize it. And I like when people put my name in cards… either before the pre-printed message, or in a personalized message. I find it to be a nice touch, regardless whether there’s no question of who the card is for.