Well gee golly whiz if Miss Manners says it…
I think in most cases it probably is, but IMO that doesn’t mean it isn’t merited. A lot of people out there could use a reminder about the importance of social graces in our increasingly crude society - and I’m far from prissy, but quite sick of the growing number of people being inconsiderate/obnoxious/etc.
Perhaps noone has taken issue with it orally, but as noted several times up thread, pointing out someone’s rudeness is also rude. When I get the muttered “You’re welcome,” I reply with a silent “Fuck you, asshole.”
For what it’s worth, I also live in Canada, and while I agree with you that Canadians are on the whole more into politeness* than Americans, I suspect that what you’re really getting in this thread is a difference in opinions between generations, not between countries.
I definitely notice that younger people are not as likely to automatically append things like ‘please’ or ‘ma’am’ or ‘sir’ to questions, but I really don’t think that makes them less polite as people. Most people I interact with (who are generally young) will ask for things in an open, friendly manner that to me doesn’t seem the least bit impolite - and most will still say thank you after the interaction. The idea that politeness is falling out of favour in today’s society or that we live in an increasingly crude world is based on the observation that people don’t speak exactly the way they did twenty or fifty or a hundred years ago, which is really not conclusive proof of anything.
Politeness is a funny thing - someone can use all the right words and follow the ‘polite’ script, and still come off as a raging asshole. Someone else can almost never say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’, but still come across as a genuinely pleasant person. I get why we have Miss Manners-type rules, but I don’t think life is that black and white most of the time, and I think things change over time.
Oops, forgot to flesh out my *. By saying Canadians are more into politeness, I mean only that we tend to say ‘please’, ‘thank you’, and ‘sorry’ more frequently and for more minor things. I definitely notice that when I go to the US I feel like I’m apologizing like crazy about ridiculous things (like say, when someone bumps into you and you instinctively say “I’m sorry”).
I do not think Americans are genuinely less polite people than Canadians - I just think that the standard ‘script’ is different between the two countries. What constitutes acceptable and polite behaviour is dictated by societal norms, and those differ in different places. So while we might say ‘sorry’ way more often, that doesn’t mean we’re rising to some higher standard or that we’re better people - just that we’re following the rules set out by our society.
This is a bit of a pet peeve of mine. It annoys me when people claim that Canadians are so polite and Americans/Brits/French are so rude. I don’t think it’s true - our rules of normal behaviour just differ, as one would expect. It’s like complaining that Americans have funny accents - yeah they do, to us (and we do to them), but that doesn’t mean it’s weird for them.
A little hint. Thats what the person that said “your welcome” was thinking too. But see, they got to say it in a manner of speaking in a polite way 
lol - somebody gets it, thanks
For those that don’t like it, try actually saying thank you the next time someone holds open the door for you or some other common courtesy. ie be courteous yourself. It isn’t hard (and* used* to be a given).
‘Please’, as a standard nicety, is simply falling from common usage, is all.
And I can sort of understand the thinking, now. You certainly aren’t required to say please, should you request more bread from your server. They are obligated to bring it for you, regardless, with a smile on their face. Perhaps I’m of the last generation raised with, “It costs nothing to say please!”, who routinely say, “May I have some more bread, please?”
It seems more glaring to me when someone is asking a favour and can’t manage a please. The neighbour stops in to ask if you’ll pick up their mail, while they are away for 3 days. Sorry, I guess I’m getting older, but I’m anticipating a ‘please’, in there some where. Will I still get their mail? Most certainly.
It seems like respect used to be more willingly served up, even to perfect strangers, in the form of please, for instance, without expectation of reciprocity. Now it almost seems like no one wants to demonstrate the slightest degree of respect first. Throwing in a ‘Thank you’ afterward if I get what I want in a timely fashion, hardly seems the same thing.
I am amused to see so many believe that their ‘tone’ is implying respect if they aren’t barking. Ok that’s just funny. I mean, come on, how many times in life does your ego convince you that your tone is neutral when, in fact, everyone can read your tone as clearly harsh on condescending? It kind of ranks right up there with those people who are always resorting to, ‘What? I was only kidding! Where’s your sense of humour?’ Those people are just assholes who think the rest of us can’t read their subtext. Like if they say it lightly and brightly it’s not offensive. Seems similar to the delusion that ‘tone’ implies respect, to me anyway.
It’s a changing world and maybe it’s the future. And the end result is that those people who do use ‘please’, really do stand out more as having nice manners!
For me, it depends on the situation. If I am asking a neighbor to take in my mail for me, there will be a please with the request. If my friend and I are hanging out in the kitchen, and they are between me and the pepper I need, I just say “Hey, can ya hand me the pepper there?” and they hand me the pepper, I say “thanks” spice the dish, and we continue chatting. I do tell servers thank you when they refill my glass or bring me something, or when someone holds the door for me and the like.
Please is different from Thank you.
It is nice to thanked when you do something for someone, expected or otherwise. I think everyone likes to be thanked. In a way it’s an acknowledgment, I think.
But I’m not really seeing how a ‘thank you’ after anything, opening a door, doing a favour, makes it okay to not say ‘please’. Clearly my opinion is the minority position.
It just comes off as a self serving excuse to not be bothered with manners, to me. And why not, when such manners are going the way of the dinosaurs? People have to tell themselves something to make it okay, I think.
I think I’m a little surprised to learn that people would rather continue to use words wrongly or mispronounced, bad grammar etc, than be corrected. I agree that you shouldn’t be interrupted or publicly corrected. But, damn, wouldn’t you want a friend to say, “Hey, by the way, here’s what that word really means, I think you may have misused it.” Or some such. I can’t imagine having this conversation and not thanking my friend heartily for correcting me. Again, clearly that’s just me.
Of course it’s rude to school an adult on manners, especially if one of these situations is applicable:
The tone of voice, choice of words, or other cues indicate that it is a polite request.
There is some degree of urgency such that the speaker needs to impart the information without ceremonial exchanges.
The interaction is in the context of a long-term relationship in which it is acceptable to assume that good will is implied.
I can’t think of others at the moment, but I’m sure there are many contexts in which it is acceptable to skip an explicit “please.”
Reading this thread is starting to make me feel like I’m being judged more than if someone corrected me for a missed “please.” If someone corrects me, it’s just a faux pas, but here, I was raised wrong, don’t respect others and am contributing to the downfall of society.
And yet, by even implying that you were rude, they only really just traded the overt rudeness of “fuck off” for the sarcastic rudeness of a pointed “you’re welcome.” If rudeness were binary (and I don’t think it is), they’d still get a flag thrown on the play.
Bless your heart 
How you feel about using manners or not, is entirely on you, I’m afraid.
And I would wager a guess that yes, we are very likely being judged by valet’s, clerks, and others, for being too busy or (self)important to say please.
Maybe it reflects a shift in self importance or an all business attitude? The not giving a mote of respect, without first getting some. The concept that ‘I’m too busy!’, really? If it was your boss/Gran, you’d say please.
I think the idea that intimacy means it’s not required is utterly baffling. My partner and I say, please and thank you all the time. Ditto my friends. I thought it was part of a healthy intimacy, myself.
I’m leaning towards some mild form of self importance, or ego delicacy, where maybe it’s perceived as weakness, to demonstrate any form of respect toward anyone before they demonstrate it to you. Or perhaps the ‘I’m all business!’ viewpoint.
Exactly! Which is why I don’t always say please to my friends, or my husband, nor do they with me.
Not at all! In fact, my friends actually told me to STOP using please so much back when we were kids, (in Central Kansas*****) because they felt as if I were being formal and distant when I did it. (Their great aunt, who was raising them joined in, at that.) They didn’t want me to say “Please pass the salt” when eating dinner with them, THEY assured me “Pass the salt” was quite all right with them! More than one friend did this, telling me that among friends such formality wasn’t needed, just ask nicely and everything would be fine. As I have said though, thanks is always given. By the way, I’ll be having my fortieth birthday this year.
*****Central Kansas is not noted for rudeness.
Well that’s very odd, I’ve never heard of such a thing! Thanks for sharing.
I’m not sure, one request, back when I was a child would indicate, to me, I never have to say please to my closest intimates, ever again! But I could never have imagined people taking such a position. Very interesting.
I’ll second the notion that saying please in very informal setting with people you know can interpreted as being too formal. I’m not saying its right or wrong. But I know people here in the deep south who think that way as well. They won’t get butthurt about it but they will think it a little odd.
I never notice if people say “please” or not. Rudeness to me has more to do with tone, context, and the specifics of the request.
If another adult told me say please, even if my delivery was otherwise polite and appropriate, I would not only consider them rude. I’d consider them someone who needs some hobbies.
I disagree. Nobody in this thread has said anything that implied that they left out ‘please’ because they felt like the person they were talking to was beneath them or anything. The standards of politeness change over time, and IMHO it’s perfectly legitimate to say that a pleasant, friendly tone has replaced the need to append ‘please’ to everything. Obvious your mileage varies, but I’m sure 100 years ago people used different terms of politeness and lamented how the new generation just thought they could add ‘please’ to any old thing and get away with it. Those impudent youth!
I can’t speak for all customer service workers, but I worked in retail for years and this literally never crossed my mind. I couldn’t even tell you what percentage of people said the actual word ‘please’ vs. what percentage just spoke politely. However, I did notice when people had a bitchy, unpleasant attitude - and I can tell you that many of them said all the right words but still came off as impolite. Frankly I’m amazed that anyone thinks that just saying please and thank you automatically implies respect independent of your other behaviour.