What? Why in the world does being a straight, married, middle-aged man mean he shouldn’t be concerned about his appearance??
You are a bizarre relative with some pretty bizarre concerns. Unless he’s at like 9% bf he can healthily do whatever he wants to. He’s got a long way to go to get to that point.
If I’ve misunderstood you, please explain why you introduced the topic of body dysmorphic disorder into the equation?
Jesus.
Edit: You didn’t say whether he’s retarded. Is he retarded? Because if he is, then I guess it’s OK to worry about how an adult spends his spare time.
CLee,
The answer (again) was to the general question as asked. Is there any concern about a generic middle aged man aiming for six pack abs? Yes there are concerns. If the standard memes about what BF% results in six packs are correct it is likely getting to a BMI and BF% that is associated with greater mortality risk. Believing that not having six packs is “too fat” is an unrealistic body image and unrealistic body image is a concern for body dysmorphic disorder. The uncontested to that point consensus of the thread that there are no worries about a middle aged man being focused on six packs as his goal was not true as a general statement. Whether or not it is true for this particular person none of us have enough information to comment on.
Tony, you never worry about a family member?
Not for going to the gym. IMO, he should be encouraged.
It’s not like he quit medical school to do this. If he wasn’t doing it, he’d probably be sitting on the couch watching sitcoms, like most Americans. How is going to the gym worse than that? How is eating a salad instead of a burger and fries a bad thing?
If he were demonstrably anorexic or bulemic, then sure, I’d be concerned. If he’s just trying to get into better shape through diet and exercise, leave him the fuck alone. You would have to go WAY past the point of getting a six pack before diet and exercise becomes more unhealthy than the typical, non-thread-inspiring American lifestyle.
Please show me where I said such a thing. Please quote me. Failing that, please admit that I said no such thing and apologize. Your choice.
So let’s see if I understand you correctly: If an adult family member is not retarded, then it’s never okay to be concerned about his conduct. Do I understand you correctly?
Good God this thread is bizarre. “My family member wants to get healthy, lose weight and look good, what the hell is wrong with him?”
Can someone point me to the corresponding “My family member spends 2 or 3 hours in front of the television with a bowl of snacks every night, is his mental or physical health in imminent danger” thread? Because that’s all I’ve done this rainy week, and I might need a support group or a pill or something.
No.
Ok, so according to you when is it okay to be concerned about the conduct of a non-retarded adult family member?
If an adult family member in NY says he’s going for a drive, is it normal to worry that he’ll wind up in California, even though you’ve seen no evidence indicating he’s planning a long trip? Is it normal to think he’s moving there, and is simply leaving everything behind? While such things happen, they’re rare, and usually there are warning signs.
Your relative made a vague comment about wanting to be in better shape, maybe see his abs, and you’ve got him on the road to ruin before the first mile marker. As the staff at any Ballys will tell you, a lot of people say they’re going to get in shape - don’t take them too seriously.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16766862&postcount=145
By the way, your name looked familiar, so I clicked on it to see your other posts. It looks like half or more, not counting this thread, are about obesity, diet, exercise, gyms, losing stubborn belly fat, etc.
I’m concerned, and I think that everyone in your family should be concerned, that what’s really going on here is that YOU can’t get a six-pack, and you’re threatened by the potential success of someone else in your family.
I think it’s an unhealthy obsession.
lol
In my family people worry about all sorts of things, sometimes with good reason, sometimes not. When I trained for a marathon 14 years ago as my first serious exercise goal I got all kinds of shit from my (now deceased) mother in particular and concern that I was exercising too much and getting too thin (still no six pack though :)) Since I was also going bald (in a patchy all over pattern) round then a whole bunch of patients started asking the front desk staff (never me to my face) if I had cancer. I was as healthy as I had ever been and felt great. Neither my mother nor my patients thought I was retarded and I was able to take their concerns in stride. Family members also question my plans to drive without stopping overnight in a hotel from Maine to Chicago, worry about me riding my bike on certain streets or through particular neighborhoods, and it isn’t like other things I have done have not been worry worthy … no big deal that people who love me or even care a little about me are worried about what I do even when those worries are misplaced.
CLee we have many threads focused on exercise habits and the dangers of inactivity. You seem to be of the position that it is impossible to be too thin or to exercise too much and that any question about where that line is is out of bounds. It isn’t, even if the answer of how much weight loss is too much and how much exercise is too much is unclear.
TonySinclair, the op is not worried about his family member exercising and is not suggesting that he not exercise. He is not suggesting he instead sit around and watch TV eating burgers and fries. He asked if the family member’s goal is a healthy one or not. My mother did not want me to not exercise; she just thought the hours I was running were too much. (And I never even told her about my open water swims or about the time I was hit by a car on my bike when I switched to tris.)
I am a huge fan of fitness and good nutrition. I do think that a focus on the appearance of one body part as the goal is a stupid goal and that aiming for six packs in particular is minimally dumb. To my way of thinking fitness is the goal and while “fitness” can be variably defined having or not having six pack abs is not one of them.
No. On the other hand, if he says he plans to drive to Washington without bringing money, it’s reasonable to be concerned that he will run out of gas.
Let me ask you this – is it ever okay to be concerned about the conduct of a non-retarded family member? If so, under what circumstances is it okay?
Why are you trying to change the subject with personal attacks? I asked you a simple question, and I would like an answer:
According to you when is it okay to be concerned about the conduct of a non-retarded adult family member?
Thank you for your concern :rolleyes: But if it makes you feel better about yourself, please feel free to assume that I am motivated by envy. Now please answer my question.
You don’t want to talk about it. I understand.
Your question has been answered. Multiple times. If you give us a hint about what answer it is you are looking for but have not yet received, someone might comply. Until then, get off the cross, we need the wood.
Let’s skip a few steps and cut right to the good stuff. Either show brazil84 where he said he was being crucified, or apologize immediately and say 12 Hail Marys.
I haven’t expressed that position at all, though it’s true I don’t feel that training for marathons or spot training a specific body part are at all problematic physically or emotionally. Women in the gym tend to focus on abs and glutes, men seem more focused on biceps, chests, and shoulders. In fact that’s the first question professional trainers ask “What are your problem areas/ what would you like to target?” Only throwing a guess out there but those targeted areas are often appealing to the opposite sex. Most people excercise because it makes us feel good or feel good about ourselves, and the end benefit is the same: better overall physical and mental health. The thousands of people who complete marathons or sport six pack abs likely aren’t suffering from anything but a little discipline and pride in their accomplishments. I don’t feel that the OP’s family member’s goal warrants a warning about a relatively rare mental disorder.
As far as the OP’s clear bias against the goal, are you unfamiliar with the complaint referred to earlier as guilt sabotage? Wherein a couple might agree to diet together but the weaker party indulges and encourages the other to lag behind with her. Or the weaker party is envious of good results and sabotages the other person by bringing home fattening food or interfering in an excercise routine. It happens because people aren’t always on the same page when it comes to self discipline. It happens when someone is jealous of the other’s time or accomplishments and it’s a pretty common theme when two people set the same goals but have differing levels of commitment and results. And it’s far more common human behavior than BDD. Horses not zebras and all that. It’s a strange world where someone is discouraged from setting an exercise goal and flagged for a mental health issue because he wants to spot train.
FWIW, while I understand y’all are teasing Brazil and that he is rising to the bait, I have not seen the answer to the question either. TonySinclair said that it’s only “OK to worry about how an adult spends his spare time” if “he’s retarded.”
Personally I think there are lots of times that it is okay to worry about how a non-retarded adult spends his/her time. Intelligent people can make stupid decisions. Of course worry can be misplaced and unwarranted. It was okay that my mother worried about me exercising too much even though her concern was unfounded, for example. And it is okay that my wife worries about our adult children and about how they are taking care of themselves if they are making good choices. (Me, I don’t worry so much.)
If people believe that it is okay to worry about a non-retarded adult family member but only under certain circumstances they have not explained that. It’s a reasonable question, IMHO.
Brazil asked if his worry was valid or unwarranted and listened to the people who responded that it seemed unwarranted; he asked for humble opinions, got them and some vitriol in the process, and listened. What’s your problem with that?