I would hope they would pull the trigger before Botox gets too pricey.
Theres only one good reason to dump someone, and thats because you don’t want to be with them anymore. I don’t know why this is considered so terrible, its better than the alternative of staying with someone you are not physically attracted too and don’t love for BOTH parties. You can’t turn love or attraction on and off like a switch, its either there or its not and you are not doing anyone any favors by staying around when those things are gone, neither does it make you a terrible person for leaving.
Agreed with DigitalC. Staying together out of pity or obligation suits no one. It patronizes the other person by assuming that “now that she’s put on weight / been paralyzed, no one will ever love her for who she is, so it’s up to me to stay and take care of her.” It denies her the opportunity to be with someone who truly loves her for who she is now.
The only decent thing to do when you are no longer attracted to someone who is paralyzed is to become so grotesquely fat that they break up with you.
Sadly, that’s exactly the sort of solution that tends to make sense to me. :rolleyes:
Having no chance at my sexual needs being met would be a deal-breaker. Morbid obesity takes a toll on not just the attractiveness, but the stamina, willingness and physical ability of people to have frequent sex, in my experience. A person is less likely to enjoy shopping for clothes if clothes don’t fit or their sizes are very very expensive and the choices limited to specialty stores. They are less likely to attend sporting and cultural events because the seating is painfully uncomfortable. Even squeezing into restaurant booths and movie theater seating is something to be avoided, as are airplane and bus seating. When your partner doesn’t want to travel, go to a movie, go to the ball game or go out to eat, both of your social lives become very limited. It may seem shallow to leave someone because they’ve gained a lot of weight, but it’s not just that one thing that has changed. It’s so many things that are not readily apparent. Things maybe even you don’t want to admit to yourself of talk about to your friends, because it seems so shallow.
Well I think the worse thing in the world is to endure staying with someone you don’t care for out of some misguided sense of obligation.
Ultimately you have to do what’s best for you and not care about what other people who have nothing to do with your life think.
I’m curious to know how much weight was gained, since this is no longer a hypothetical. 10-20 pounds, which for an average person is just a pot belly and a larger ass, or 50+ pounds getting into the range of obesity?
I’m reserving my answer until I hear the details, but I will say that the severity of your potential assitude is directly proportional to the length of time you dated.
For casual dating, any frivolous reason to break up is good enough (hey, I’ve judged first dates on the fact that I didn’t like the guy’s hair style) but once you commit yourself to a spouse, I do think it is rather jerkish to dump a spouse over a physical issue.
I’ve never seen an 80 year old that was all that hot-looking anymore. So I guess I’ve always figured that once you commit yourself to someone over the long haul, you have to accept that as the years go by their body may not be quite what it was when you got together originally. I still love my boyfriend even though I know that his hair is thinning and he has put on some weight since we first met a few years back - because most of my attraction to him was based on knowing he has a good heart, and the fact that I can see him being someone I will still want to talk to when we’re 80 year olds sitting around in a retirement home. Likewise, I find it comforting to think that he probably wouldn’t dump me either even if I wind up gaining weight from pregnancy or illness or whatever. Doesn’t anyone actually mean it when they say wedding vows about “in sickness and in health”? If not, might as well just be honest with everyone and vow to hang around only until the other person is no longer bang-worthy.
It is strange to me that some people make such a moral judgment about obesity, when most Americans are not at their ideal weight. If you’re not at your ideal weight, then you have no basis for feeling morally superior to the morbidly obese person. You can’t really say that you’re in control of your weight either - it’s just a matter of degree, really.
People have affairs and get divorced for a reason.
People stay together in long-term relationships because there is something there other than just physical attraction. It is, however, woefully naive to believe that you SO will automatically stay with you if you let yourself go to shit (physically or in other ways) just because he’s “committed”. He probably will be looking around for a Bigger Better Deal and if he doesn’t act on it it’s likely because a) he feels some misguided sense of obligation or guilt b) inertia or c) he simply can’t do any better.
It’s not unheard of for a guy looking at the fat, annoying nag his wife has become or a woman looking at the lazy drunk failure her man has turned into and say “screw this, I’m out of here”.
I feel like anyone who would fault a person for breaking up with a boy/girlfriend for any reason needs to shift their perspective.
Don’t think about it from the dumpee’s perspective, but from that of the person doing the breaking up.
If I knew I didn’t want to be with someone, would you tell me I had an obligation to because my reasons weren’t good enough?
I agree that in marriage it’s a little different because you do (typically) make a promise to stick through some tough times for the sake of the relationship, but if you’re dating? Come on!
I had a friend who gained 50 lbs. rapidly because she had PCOS. If you’re in still in a position to talk about such things with this girl, it might be worth a mention.
I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong of you to break up with her for gaining weight though. I’ve had my share of shallow moments and if you weren’t interested in being with her anymore, you weren’t interested in being with her.
Yeah, if this is somebody you’re dating then it’s not reprehensible or shallow at all. It’s smart and honest, and the reprehensible thing would be, as other posters have said, to stay with this person out of pity.
Somebody you’re married to? Eh, depends. If I were married to somebody who didn’t care enough about his health and his appearance to keep from becoming obese I’d have zero problem ending the relationship if he refused to take care of himself.
I really have no idea in the case of paralysis. Depends on a lot of things, I guess.