Let’s say for example that a friend is coming into town. You see this person maybe once in a blue moon and so you’re going to a restaurant with them for dinner. You know they’re a vegetarian.
Would it be rude to order a tenderized steak?
What about shredded chicken (a less obvious and bloody meat)?
Or pork?
Should you callously work your way through a yardbird, sow or bovine that obviously had a rough childhood or is it okay to pre-pound it until it becomes more succulent?
Beating is right out. However, a nice jerked chicken would be fine.
And what if your vegetarian friend works in a fish market? (Hey, it could happen!) Would it be wrong to ask if you can eat her clam?
Toad-in-the-hole, anyone?
…followed by Spotted Dick, of course!
Some people are sensitive about this kind of thing.
I just wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t offend anyone if, you know, I held a t-bone under the tablecloth and kinda whacked it with a sppon or something a few times.
I suppose I could wait until she excused herself.
And the board is raised to new heights.
Heh, as would be the table.
I was going to tell you about a vegetarian ex-girlfriend of mine who really got off on that sort of thing. But I see you’re talking about actual meat…so never mind.
Mmm…meat.
If you covered your meat in a mushroom and sour cream sauce, would you be Stroganoff?
It isn’t wrong, but we just don’t do it.
To really beat your meat, however, you need a heavy duty utensil. I doubt whacking your meat with a spoon will be sufficient.
Take your meat, add salt, and beat your meat with a mallet. A metal mallet.
Now that she has seen your beat you meat like a man, and not a spoon wavin’ girly man, she might really be offended.
Later on, strap on a soyburger and tell her to suck the isoflavins right out of it.
If you really want to beat your meat, order a chicken-fried steak. I use to love them, but since I’m a vegetarian, I’ll just have to beat my eggs, and add some jack cheese.
I once saw a sign at a restaurant: “You can beat our meat, but you can’t beat our prices”
High class place too.
And if you have a monkey, don’t spank it. That’s animal cruelty.
I like cheddar on my meat, but not Monterey. I sometimes order cheese steak, but I always ask them to keep the Jack off.
And so is chicken choking.
A bestial flagellistic necrophiliac was beating a dead horse…
Now HERE’S a hot dog you’ll REALLY relish!
I suppose ordering a foot-long tube steak would be a faux pas, too.
Unless she orders cucumbers, carrots and zucchini…and then winks atcha.