I can’t imagine she’s going to hold the quality of a compliment against the guy. Maybe he’s just a shitty sweet talker?
Just ask the guy out already. Or if you really want to do some recon figure out shit he likes and shit you can stand, and ask him to that…
“I hear O’Reillys has pool tables…wanna come sometime after work?” “Hey let’s do trivia some night” “Oh you like baseball? The children that I stare at at the park down the street from my windowless van like baseball. And candy. Want to silently watch them with me?”
Nothing in what you wrote sounds like anything more than just friendly banter. Since you admit that you don’t know anything about him I’d suggest that’s your best place to start. He mentioned he likes a pub, just go mention to him that you’d like to meet him there for drinks after work sometime. That will give you a good chance to just talk to him outside of work, get to know him. Then you’ll be in a better place to know if he’s interested, or even available.
There are any number of reasons why he might be delaying. You don’t even know if he’s single, so obviously he doesn’t know much about you either. He could also be extremely interested and just waiting for payday because he’s strapped for cash. Or just broke up with someone and not quite ready.
I like the idea of asking him out, but not the “You wanna take me out?” question above. You should ask him out for coffee, and expect to be the one to pay. S/he who asks, pays. He may insist, and don’t make a fight over it, but you should be ready and willing to if you do the asking.
If outright asking is too intimidating, try something a little more indirect. A couple of times I found an excuse to make a bet over something with a guy, and said “I’ll bet you dinner!”. Both times the answer was something along the lines of “So, either way, I win!”
Just keep in mind the answer may be “My wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/Partner(s) wouldn’t like that very much.” So practice accepting that graciously before you do it. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” or just a simple “OK then.”
Given that it’s the workplace, being ready to accept “no” graciously, and go forward without awkwardness, is extremely important. You also don’t want to hint around multiple times, as that can come across as harassment.
So, a simple direct invitation (followed by either a casual date or a gracious acceptance) is your goal here. Mind you, I said it’s simple, but it ain’t easy. LOL! Just make yourself do it.
Thanks for your response. So you think there is possibility that he is interested?because I am not sure if I am misreading him. I also notice that he hardly makes do direct eye contact with me when we are talking. Also last time I saw him down stairs while I was with other co workers and he didn’t say anything or look at me.Iam not sure if he is just shy
should I tell him that I want to talk to him after work when I see him again? Then wait for him in the parking lot to see if he wants to go out for a coffee?
This sounds to me like the kind of thing I might do. Or might’ve done when I was younger. I was always very insecure around women so I, in all likelihood, would NOT have just come right out and asked if she wanted to go out sometime. Others are right, I think - without knowing anything else about him it’s a little hard to know what his motivation was for saying that to you. But as at least one other Doper mentioned: it COULD mean he’s interested so you might want to test that, IF you’re truly interested, yourself.
It really sounds like he was just being polite and friendly, and nothing more. You toss out all these clues and signs that it was merely a compliment and nothing else (not making eye contact, not initiating conversation, etc.) and holding onto the one piece of “evidence” that he’s looking to date you.
I’ll compliment female co-workers, and I’m a gay man. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Welcome to the Dope. I posted that I reported it so that umpteen other people didn’t report it also and overwork our mods. You’ll figure out where things go soon enough, and lots of people post stuff like yours in GQ.
As a guy, I think he may be interested. You might want to try to run into him at work on an “errand” instead of ambushing him in the parking lot, unless you see him there all the time.
The biggest thing is, how does he interact with other women? Does he make eye contact with them? Does he say flirty things? Some guys who are really attracted to a woman may not make eye contact because they don’t want to stare and be creepy.
No he is not an outgoing guy who flirts with everyone.He pretty much just talk to other co workers just like how he would talk to another person.He has always been friendly towards me but I never thought anything out of it untill he made that comment about make up.
I do sense that he is intrested but I don’t how reliable gut instinct is.I guess the only way to know for sure is to ask lol
Count me in as another guy that compliments female coworkers all the time on their appearance with out having ulterior motives .
Only except, I usually say: “You look nice.” (I’m not sure if that’s a big difference or not.)
Frankly, I find it a little sad that some men think that a man wouldn’t compliment a woman with out having a romantic or casual interest in her.
ETA: I pretty much limit my compliments to when I notice the person has done something to change their appearance. Like when they get a new haircut or something. Wearing make up when one does not usually do so would count as one of those times.
On a side note: I have a Nurse friend and I’ve partied with her and her nurse coworkers. After copious amounts of beer was consumed, the conversation would turn to: what doctors are hot and what doctors are not.
But they all pretty much agreed that if you just wanna fuck one, fine. But don’t go falling in love with any of them because once they get hat they want, you’re out. And you also get labeled as “One of the easy ones” to the other doctors (whether your “easiness” is true or not).
I have no idea if this is common in nursing culture. I hope it’s not and my friend just works at a fucked up hospital.
As someone plenty old, I’d think that complimenting a woman on a minor change in appearance would be a bit creepy unless I was flirting. Commenting on a big change, like in hair color, is probably okay. Some people do it, obviously, but this guy seems to be like me and not do it.
Barnes66, you might have a winner - if he’s not gay, that is.
I would find that creepy. Hard to say why, really, it just is. Something about interacting with my personal property instead of with me? I dunno.
You’ve gotta just put your big girl panties on and ask him out. Believe me, once you’ve done this a few times your dating life will seem so much easier! Don’t leave your fate in their hands just waiting around. Ask for a date if you want one! And be really nice if he says “no” because you never know whose brother or cousin might be perfect for you.
A few months ago there was a very interesting thread about eye contact and saying hi to strangers on the street. In some parts of the country, especially the South, that’s a socially acceptable thing to do. Other parts of the country, especially the North East, prefer people to mind their own business and say as little as possible to strangers. I think that same cultural openness applies here as well. I’m a straight guy who lives in Dallas and will frequently tell coworkers and friends that they look nice if they appear to have put more effort than usual into their looks that day. I don’t do that in our New York office though. Point being, a single compliment is too little to tell what he’s thinking, especially if you’re in a part of the country that’s considered “open and friendly”.
As for your next step, definitely don’t wait for him in the parking lot to talk to him. Don’t leave notes on his car. Don’t try to meet cute in the break room by making sure you’ve scheduled your breaks at the same time. All of that behavior is creepy and stalkerish.
What you can do though is send him an email to see if he’d like to meet for lunch one day. You can call him and ask him if he’d like to grab drinks after work, or grab coffee one morning when he comes in. Be direct, and accept his answer. If he says “yes”, great! If he says “no”, say thanks anyway. If he says “maybe in the future” say that you look forward to it and to let you know when a good time would be.
Ok I won’t leave a note then.I don’t know when will be the next time I see him.I will just have to find the courage to ask him if wants to go out for cofee sometime .
Also I don’t comment on other guys apperance if I am not interested. Unless if its something drastic like hair cut or weight loss.Most of the time I don’t care enough to say something if I am have intrest in the guy.That just me though.I can’t speak for other girls
Good option on the no to the note thing. It’s not a good option. It may hard and intimidating but your best option right now is to simply come out and ask him if he’d like to have a drink after work, and go from there. The worst that can happen? He says no. But I would bet dollars to doughnuts even if he says no he’ll still be chuffed that you asked. And jsut to touch on something you mentioned upthread don’t corner him in the carpark after work to do it either, that sounds a little creepy.
It only takes 5 minutes to walk up to his floor and have a quick conversation, Even if he’s in the middle of something, just ask him for 2 minutes of his time and ask.
Don’t worry too much about the eye-contact thing, in my teens and early twenties I was painfully shy, and found it very hard to make eye contact with people. In all honesty even now at my age, I have to consciously remind myself to do it.
