In this here thread here a woman posts about suffering a miscarriage, she has no insurance and the bills are arriving, and wonders if the father has any obligation to pay for any of the bills.
Most everyone in the thread has been trying to offer reasonable advice or at least well wishes. There were, natch, a couple snarky posts early on but overall it was kept relatively positive until Mr. Omar Little hopped in with
because Krom knows every other woman on the planet has NEVER hopped into bed with a man on an impulse; they go on a month-long journey of soul-searching first. Not to mention that the unplanned pregnancy and the loss of same already happened, making this “advice” both months too late and incredibly sanctimonious.
When other posters in that thread pointed out the douchiness of saying something so douchey, the douche kept on douching, saying IMHO isn’t the place to call someone a douche. Quoth he:
Someone who’s got as much right as you to do it, douchebag.
The OP of that thread seems to realize she made a mistake in hooking up with the guy, and she’s in the middle of emotional pain, I’m sure physical pain, and financial trouble. Yes, she made mistakes, and you’re entitled to think what you will of her.
You don’t, however, have to be a self-righteous douchebag and post in the thread after repeated requests to knock it off.
A hijack which wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t insisted on douchebagging it with followup “I can be a douchebag, it’s a free country!!!” type posts.
Plus we don’t know how long the relationship was. Could have been a one-night stand or a long-term boyfriend or something in between; any of these may have a chance of flipping the fuck out and running when they hear, “I’m pregnant.”
Agreed, but he’s been a douche around and about the boards under the guide of giving “straight” advice, rather like Oakminister. But I will give Oakminister a pass because he admits he’s old and cranky and has apologized before.
Thing is, that’s NOT advice. That’s scolding. And anyone who feels compelled to scold a grown woman in the midst of a crisis for having what he considers to be inappropriate sex is a douchebag.
Omar had the right advice…but horrible timing with that advice…therefore, it should not have been given at all…his/her advice was really irrelevant at that point…thus, douchey.
Well I’m happy to say that I think Omar actually is a dick- bag as opposed to just posting like one.
I mean hey, everyone has a brain fart and posts something poorly thought out - only a total dick-bag persists with it when his dickishness is pointed out.
You meant “no other” not “every other,” right? Because a lot of women actually do wait long enough to decide if a guy’s a douchebag before sleeping with him, and “every other” sounds like you think all women fuck people they barely know.
Omar’s comments were sanctimonious and ill-timed, but it’s not really bad advice…for someone not currently suffering the loss the OP of the other thread is. A few months ago it would have been great advice, but now not so much.
To me, what makes the douchebaggery worthy of a pit thread was that there was nothing that indicated that the OP had abdicated all responsibility for this and expected him to pay all her bills. This was just pure, reflexive, misogynistic “Well try not being such a slut next time.”
Even then, it’s not good advice. I mean, it’s like having someone tell you that you should back up your hard drive after it crashes, or not leave something cooking on the stove after you’ve lost your house, or not post naked pictures of yourself on Facebook after it gets you fired, or that you really ought to go to class after you get an F. When you’ve learned your lesson the hardest possible way, having someone make sure to point it out to you isn’t helpful. It’s just self-righteous gloating.
Yes, but YaraMateo didn’t stick around to defend her stupidity. Omar Little did. Actually, he stuck around to whine, but that’s close enough.
Yup. The original post just irked me a bit, and I would have been happy to leave it at telling him he sounded like a douche. People give useless advice in IMHO all the time. In his subsequent posts, he actually misrepresented the OP’s question, which made it Pitworthy.
ETA: Dio, you also sound like a douche. Even if his original post was technically correct, his later posts were the opposite.
I have a friend who was married to the guy who bailed on her when she got pregnant. Believing you’ve got a decent man is no guarantee that you’ve actually got one, unfortunately. Judgemental responses are no help after the fact. (And rarely helpful even before the fact, now that I think about it.)
This isn’t the first time I’ve seen him act like a jerk…he also has his panties in a twist about paper carriers who are referred to as “professional paper carriers.” (I still don’t know how to link on my laptop.) I guess it really REALLY matters to him to be self-righteous, if not always…you know, right.
No. And you’re straddling the line of misrepresenting what transpired in that thread. Omar initially replied to the opinion in follow-up post of the OP (after it was moved from GQ->IMHO):
Had sultry not chimed in with an “unfair” verdict against the system (or her sperm donor of choice), the opinion he posted would’ve probably been uncalled for - but he was neither impolite nor hijacking the topic. That can’t be said from some of the other posters there.
People are often on their best behavior and present the most positive aspects of their personality in the initial stages of a relationship. People can also enter a relationship with the best intentions until some stressor reveals personality flaws or a clash of ideals. No one has a crystal ball, a built-in polygraph, or insists on a personality test before falling for another.
All the examples of incongruencies in the media should serve as evidence that anyone can be fooled by another. Elizabeth Edwards. Maria Schriver. Hillary Clinton. Paula Rader. Laci Peterson. Someone created this handy Wiki listof scandals involving evangelists, most of which culminated in an apology to a spouse as well as the public. Are all these victims of a spouse’s shady behavior worthy of blame, too? Is it really fair to spank the OP with “You shoulda thought of that before you…” when we have no knowledge of the details of the relationship prior to the miscarriage?