I think it is more honest and helpful to just tell the OP, “Suck it up, bitch, you’re on your own and you need to deal with the reality of that” than it is to say, “You should be more careful about the kind of men you choose.”
There is NO WAY to know if someone will change from one kind of person to another in the face of dramatic circumstances. A man can be a great guy, giving and understanding in every way, and then *change *when faced with the prospect of fatherhood.
I have changed up on my husband in the past, about how I feel about monogamous relationships. He chose a woman that he believed would be a great traditional wife and I really believed that too. Then, I changed. I never pretended to be something I’m not…giving him clues that I would be more trouble than he thought…I simply changed.
It can happen to anyone, so the whole, “you should have been more careful with who you fuck” thing is kind of hollow.
All of this is exactly right. Why SHOULD you have any qualms about what you do with your own body? I can’t think of a worse idea than giving men any legal jurisdiction over a woman’s pregnancy.
But the OP wasn’t asking for support or even agreement: she was asking about the law. It was a fairly ignorant question, but we get those a lot in GQ.
We cross posted, but my point remains the same: even if this is your stance, would your priority be helping her, or making sure she knew how badly she fucked up?
I mean, if someone wanted to start a spin-off Great Debate “Ethical Obligations of a Father in a Miscarriage”, I would never thought anything of it. It’s clearly a topic where people can disagree, and a fairly interesting topic. But this was a GQ thread. The poster was clearly in a great deal of pain. It’s the worst kind of threadshitting to make it be about how much of a fuck up she is. How can you possibly think that was appropriate behavior?
I actually thought that the assumption that she barely knew the guy was the nicer of the two possible assumptions. Everyone makes mistakes but in a lot of people’s minds being horny and not knowing someone throughly enough before sleeping with them is a lot less stupid than allowing yourself to be snowed by someone who is pretending to be a good person. Momentary lapse in judgment vs being a terrible judge of character. It’s not as though the victims of those scandals don’t have their detractors saying they ought to have known better before marrying the jerks. Is it possible to always know? Of course not, but that doesn’t still wagging tongues.
I think he has an ethical, if not legal, level of responsibility, and while he shouldn’t legally have to pay for it, paying for half would be the right thing to do.
No, she was asking if she had any legal claim on him. It’s a yes/no question.
So is that just sex? Do I have an ethical responsibility to my coworkers if I pass my cold to them?
I think decent human beings have a ethical responsibility to commiserate - especially when they have contributed to the pain, but frankly when a guy takes off when you say “I’m pregnant” I think you can cross his name off the decent human being list.
Her situation is sad and she didn’t need Omar picking on her, though.
As do I, but I didn’t see that as her real complaint, which was that he wouldn’t help her pay for the miscarriage. I see that as a separate issue from his taking off on her (which showed an intent, at least, to try to skip on parental responsibilities).
Yeah, kinda. I mean, I apologize when I realize I’ve taken a cold to work. If I put someone in the emergency room as a fairly predictable consequence of my actions, or even just actions that benefited me, I’d sure as hell feel responsible even if fault was shared.
Yes, people who act like douches are douches. But Omar (and Dio) seem to be arguing that this guy is being reasonable and that the OP is a gold digging bitch for thinking the guy might possibly have any sort of legal or ethical responsibility.
He’s not responsible for the miscarriage - he IS 50% responsible for the conception however. Once that happens either childbirth or miscarriage is inevitable.
SHE wasn’t responsible for the miscarriage, either.
That doesn’t mean it’s not her problem, and it’s sure as hell ain’t HIS problem. His only financial responsibility would be to a born baby. He has none at all to her.
