For fucksake, the woman just had a miscarriage. Dio, to quote Joseph Welch, have you no sense of decency? This isn’t the first time you’ve said something like this.
(Hint – click on the person’s profile and under “statistics” you can search all of the threads a poster has started)
It’s also worth pointing out that the OP started the thread as a GQ: it only got moved to IMHO because of the “legal questions” issue. She was never soliciting broad opinions about her situation: she wanted a factual answer about the law.
The other thread is a page and a half long. Perhaps you should go read it before drawing any conclusions, yeah?
Yup, this is clearly douche-like behavior.
Maybe if it was originally here in the pit I’d understand such a condescending judgmental attitude but not toward someone who just had a miscarriage asking legal questions in GQ.
Not saying he’s a douche, but it was kind of a jerk thing to say and I think he’s trying too hard to justify his comment. It’s just making him look worse.
Perhaps he should re-examine the situation and seek the man in question, reminding him to make sure next time he fucks some chick, make sure she doesn’t get knocked up or he might be responsible for, at the very least, a percentage of the medical expenses.
But it’s always the bitch’s fault, ain’t it?
Always remember, guys. It’s not enough to not put your dick in the crazy. Make sure you keep your dick out of the uninsured as well!
:rolleyes: I don’t post those links just 'cause they look pretty. And I don’t spend every nanosecond of my life on the Dope.
I don’t see how I’m misrepresenting anything. sultry threw herself a little self-pity party, but in the situation she’s in she’s entitled to it IMO. He was 50% responsible for the pregnancy and I don’t think it’s fair that he should get away scot free just because she can’t prove paternity.
Yes, she should have been more careful. Yes, she’s just as much to blame as the “sperm donor” for this pregnancy. Omar’s quite correct that she should have been more careful about whom she had sex with.
I’m not calling him a douche for holding that opinion. I’m calling him a douche because that wasn’t the time or place to say something like that, after the fact when it is of zilcho help whatsoever, in a thread made to ask “is Sperm Donor partly liable for my medical bills?”
Getting on his high horse and spouting “I’ll post what I want until a mod tells me to quit it!!!” after people repeatedly tell him to knock it off is double douchey.
elfkin477 I phrased that part kind of clumsily. I’m a woman myself and no way in hell did I mean to imply that all women sleep around with no thought of the consequences.
This is my thought as well. It would be one thing if the OP had laid out all the sordid details of her daliance with this guy, from start to finish, providing us readers with sufficient information to make whatever self-righteous judgments we so hungrily desire. But there were no details. Nothing except a legal question, really.
You’re goddamn right I would.
My daughters are going to be raised smarter than that, though. They’ll know how to use birth control, for one thing.
This person was trying to make somebody else responsible for her own mistake.
*Partially *responsible for a shared mistake.
And if they ever fuck up, making sure they know it and admit it will come before getting them help?
I mean, would you hang up the phone after you told them it was their own damn fault, or would you help with the damage control?
This person feels somebody else shares ethical responsibility for the mistake, and was wondering (in General Questions!) if it extended to legal responsibility. Do you disagree with the assessment? Do you think a man has no ethical responsibility for the consequences of sex until a baby takes a breath?
When only one person fucks, it’s called masturbation. And you don’t get pregnant by masturbation.
So it looks like there were two people responsible for a mistake here.
I believe Dio has stated multiple times as an extension of his pro-choice beliefs that until it draws breath, it’s not a baby and until it’s a baby, there’s no paternal responsibility for it at all.
He is consistent across the board with this belief, as I’ve seen him bring it up in several different discussions about abortions, miscarriages and the use of the word “baby” in discussions about the same.
The other side of this belief is that he’s adamant in his belief that it’s a woman’s sole right to do what she will with the fetus in terms of termination, without requiring permission from the father or any outside agency. So he is internally consistent with his beliefs.
Condoms break. The pill and other hormonal birth control methods aren’t 100% effective. As has been pointed out, otherwise reliable, decent guys have freaked out and bailed on their pregnant partners with no warning.
Mr. Sperm Donor made a mistake too. If he didn’t use a condom or assumed she wouldn’t get pregnant or got drunk or something and impaired his judgement, that was a judgement error on his part. Last I heard, women didn’t get pregnant on their own.
I realize your daughters are going to be perfect paragons of female virtue or else, but the world isn’t quite so black and white for us mere mortals.
That’s why I said “consequences of sex”, not “baby”. I tend to feel a partner would also have an ethical responsibility (if not a legal one) if they gave their partner an STD or some other sort of consequence resulted.
Actually “mistake” was the wrong word. She’s trying to make him responsible for a medical misfortune he had nothing to do with. He has zero responsibility for her miscarriage. Her body, her bill.
Well girls, if anything, this sort of attitude frees us up from having any ethical qualms about terminating a pregnancy or declining to divulge a pregnancy to the sperm donor. I mean, guys aren’t legally responsible for fetuses, right? Therefore they have zero rights or input on what happens during a pregnancy. Time to alert Planned Parenthood: victory is ours.
Never occurred to me he was being pitted for being wrong, actually.
Douchetastically impolite was my take.
I would help them, of course, but I would not support them in trying to get the scumbag to pay her medical bills for a miscarriage. For a BABY -yes, but until there is a baby, there is no paternal responsibility (and non paternal rights). If we agree that a woman’s rights over her body are autonomous, then her responsibilities have to be autonomous as well.
Did she say she felt the pregnancy was a mistake? I’m not sure I got that sense. What she wants is for him to share financial responsibility for a medical misfortune which was not his fault.
None. And no rights either. You can’t have it both ways. Until there is a live birth, it’s just her body.
Two people are responsible once there’s a baby, but you can’t hold the sperm donor responsible for a miscarriage.
I can’t agree with this stance, and I hope you can see that it’s an interpretation that reasonable people can disagree on.
Given that, why do you think it was a good idea to try to drive that point home to the OP? She was asking a general question about the law. Omar’s intent seemed to be entirely to make her feel bad for no real gain: she certainly wasn’t disclaiming all responsibility, and his comments were highly unlikely to make her reassess her role in the proceedings. Their only function was to be hurtful. How is that not being a douche?
“Virtue” has nothing do with it. I don’t believe in sexual “virtue.” I believe in education and common sense, not virginity.