I’ve been trying to write a short story for almost six months now, but I keep deleting everything I do because there’s this little voice in my head that says it’s crap. It’s not. I could even say I KNOW it’s not crap because I’ve had some people read my story fragments, and they all enjoy them. But I just can’t shake this compulsion that everything MUST be “perfect” (but I couldn’t tell you what that means if you asked) or it’s crap.
So what’s the deal here? Am I a borderline obsessive-compulsive? Should I find a counselor or psychiatric help? Or am I just deluded or something?
– Zilch
I think that you should re-write/re-phrase your orginal post. We at the Straight Dope do not respond to questions unless they are phrased as elegantly as possible. Try us again when you think you have it down.
Not an expert here except in dealing with it. There are two kinds of perfectionism - both are severely limiting.
The kind I’ve been fighting is the one that says that you expect to do everything perfectly the first time. If you don’t think that’s possible, don’t even try. It keeps us from attempting all kinds of things that might turn out to be fun and very satisfying after some practice.
The other kind of perfectionism never lets you finish anything until it meets your (usually unreasonable) standards. It does not allow you to accept praise because you KNOW there are still flaws even though no one else can see them or they are ridiculously insignificant.
If you can bring yourself to do so, let someone else review your work. You’ll probably be pleasantly surprised.
Read the foreword of any book. Pick an author you admire. You’ll find that each one names and thanks proofreaders and editors.
To quote from a colleague’s calendar: “Dare to be mediocre. Don’t let a desire for perfection keep you from flexing your creative muscle.”
The work’s not shoddy . . . I’ve given it to other people and they love it. But even with all the positive input, I find myself thinking everything is crap. And I can’t seem to overcome this no matter how hard I try, which is why I’m wondering if it’s some sort of psychological thing.
– Zilch
If it keeps you from doing what you want (if what you want is within reason), it’s pathological. Your case does sound pathological, and you should at least see your GP (general practitioner) about it. If you want to look for therapists yourself, feel free. I tend to agree with CKDextHavn, but I’m not a professional. You’ve taken the first step, and the biggest one at that: You know you have a problem. Now you just have to treat it. Good luck.
Zilch, at the worst, you are simply insecure. The good news is, so’s everyone else in the world.
Perfectionism per se is not a psychological disorder. It can be a symptom of a disorder, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, but by itself, it’s not considered abnormal. Some people are just perfectionistic by nature, and maybe you’re one such person.
I think you just have an extreme lack confidence in your work, and, as CKDextHavn said, have a fear that others will think you’re a loser. You’re not a loser, and lacking confidence happens to us all. You said it yourself: the work is good. It’s time you started believing that.
Try thinking a bit more positively. In your posts, you’ve said things like “I can’t overcome this no matter how hard I try,” and “It’s crap.” Stop it! It’s easy to make a habit of making self-deprecating remarks; unfortunately, you eventually start believing them. Remind yourself that people have said your work was good, and that all you need to do is have a little confidence in yourself. Confidence doesn’t come overnight, but I think with a little time and continued postive feedback from others, you’ll begin feel better about your work. Good luck to you.
I suffer from the same problems that Zilch describes.
If only it were easy to think positively and stop making self deprecating remarks.
I work as a writer, and my work is always second drafted (subbed, really) by my Editor. Because I am an experienced and competent writer, I am responsible for second drafting the work of other writers in my team. Even though I know (in my rational conscious) that I’m a good writer, I still feel a backwash of analysis-paralysis when the time cones to hand my own work over for second drafting and editing. I don’t want anyone to read it because I don’t want them to find out how crap I am at my job. It’s irrational, I know, I know.
It’s caused me a lot of problems. At university, I sometimes failed to hand papers in because I couldn’t let them go. It’s a combination of fear of being found out, and fear of relinquishing control, amplified by a very strong white/black, good/bad, perfect/crap mentality. I don’t know where I get that from, but still, deep down inside, there’s a tiny part of me that doesn’t believe in shades of gray. It’s soooo stupid! AAAAAARGH!
Things have got better for me — the issue came up during counselling and I’ve worked through it a fair old bit, both during the sessions and on my own.
I have strategies at work that have helped me. Instead of concentrating on what good things people say about my work (because I find those easy to sidestep or ignore) I think about how the editing process affects other people. I remind myself that no one in the whole company where I work can write something so perfect that it needs no second drafting. Everyone’s work needs editing.
By no means is it going to be simply a matter of thinking positively. I meant the suggestion as more of a starting point. I’d rather Zilch see what changes and progress he can make on his own first, and then seek professional guidance. (BTW, my apologies if I’ve got the gender wrong.)
Tansu, would you mind elaborating a little more on your strategies? The professor I work under does research in cognitive psych and would probably be interested in hearing what strategies you use. If you prefer to email me, it’s given below. Thanks-- I’d appreciate it.
There isn’t that much to elaborate on, I’m afraid!
I’ll describe what happens when I try different thoughts.
If I tell myself “Your work is good — you know what you’re doing — your Editor says your work is good — the Managing Editor says your work is good,” I’m able to reply in my mind, “Ah, that’s bollocks, they’re just saying that,” or, “That may be good enough for them, but it isn’t good enough to me”
If I say to myself “Ah, look at everyone else. Their work isn’t perfect. A lot of it isn’t as good as my work,” I don’t need to devalue that statement, because I’m talking about other people, and can therefore be much more rational and enlightened (I think this is common with problems like this — the harsh judgement only operates against the self).
If I say “Ah, look at everyone else. They have to hand their work over for subediting,” I have to be careful because there’s a possibility of the internal reply “… so why can’t I? Why am I so fucking pathetic that I throw a wobbly over doing something that is supposed to be an integral part of my fucking job?”
If I change it to “They have to hand it over and maybe they don’t really want to, either”, then that’s OK, that works.
It’s odd. As soon as I bring other people’s suffering or inadequacy into the equation, I cheer up. Hum. I suppose it’s a basic strategy of highlighting the frequency of the inadequate behaviour in others. If one is more judgemental of oneself, one can be even handed with others, and then apply the logic to oneself, by analogy.
I write freelance fiction (though I don’t yet even have an Editor or, for that matter, more than one publication to my name). I am also a perfectionist, and can do even worse things. I think I’ve rewritten chapter one of one novel about eight times, and chapter two… well, it hasn’t quite gotten onto paper yet. I probably should rewrite chapter one first again…
The thing that helps me most, I’ve found, is to talk with other people of the same type. Both other writers (us crazy SF people have an online support group; I have to imagine that other sorts of writers would have the same thing somewhere), and other perfectionists (my mother and my boss being two perfect examples).
Others have recommended seeking out therapy, and this might not be such a bad idea. I wish you luck.
Good writers work either way. Two of my favorites: Asimov and Tolkien. Isaac Asimov wrote a maximum of two drafts for anything he ever wrote, and usually not even that, before sending it off. If an editor requested, he might then make minor revisions.
J. R. R. Tolkien, on the other hand, wrote a total of four novels in his lifetime. Those novels were the end result of an entire lifetime’s worth of revising, re-revising, and starting over from scratch. Editors begged him for more material, and he wouldn’t give it to them, because it still wasn’t perfect, by his standards.
The moral here is that even if it does take you forever to finish anything, you can still become a great (if not prolific) writer despite (or because of) your perfectionism.
Tansu, thanks for elaborating on your strategies for me.
I had confidence battles on a smaller scale back in my high school paper days. I rewrote my stories at least five times before submitting them to the editors. What helped me gain confidence was when I became editor myself and had to proof not only other writers’ stories, but my own as well. Being my own last line of defense sorta forced me to have confidence in my writing. Also, by then, I was writing editorial pieces, which I was more comfortable with anyway. That helped a lot.
Me too. Both kinds described by OldBroad. It sucks.
Don’t have much advice, but I hope that knowing you’re not alone may help.
I seem to have slowly grown out of the worst of it. But then I’ve done a lot of work on myself during that time; I’d imagine that has something to do with it.
Be that as it may, today I can proudly announce that it IS possible to have fun doing things, even if you don’t do them well. AND that sometimes ‘workable’ is good enough.
On the other hand, I’m not telling anyone how long I spend trying to write posts for SDMB, nor how many I write and then don’t post. And they’re still not right! :o
Definitely work on improving your self-esteem and self-confidence - that helps everything all around, I think. I agree with AudreyK that a good first step and important point is to stop making self-deprecating comments; IME that seemingly trivial habit is much more pervasive and detrimental than it appears.
While realizing that no one else is perfect either helps, I personally don’t care to emphasize that too much. I’ve always had problems with people who tried to make themselves look good by running others down (possibly because it’s such a temptation for me).
YMMV. Just keep working on it & get help if you need to. You can always come here for advice and commiseration - you know that, right?
Looking back at my two posts here, I’ve noticed there’s something I have to clarify.
When I said “highlighting the frequency of the inadequate behaviour in others,” I didn’t mean that I “tried to make themselves look good by running others down”.
What I do is simply remind myself that not everyone’s perfect. This helps me feel that my own inadequacies are normal. I’m far more fair with others than I am with myself. The eventual goal is to say that if other people don’t deserve to be ragged over a mistake or two, then neither do I.
I apologise for not having communicated adequately — I ought to take more time composing my posts…
IMO, stopping making self deprecating comments isn’t the first step. It’s often the heart of the problem.
Also - if there’s one thing my job has taught me, it’s that workable often has to be enough.
OK — I’m going to stop gazing at my navel now. My neck aches.
