Or, you do it when you know what the answer is going to be.
By the time that I formally proposed, we’d been dating for a year and a half, and we had already decided that we wanted to get married (and verbalized that to each other). The engagement ring with which I proposed was one which my then-girlfriend had picked out, and had a friend ask me to purchase.
In a case like this (to the extent it exists), it’s either (a) proposing way too soon, (b) proposing to someone whom you don’t know as well as you think you do, and/or (c) not actually having adult conversations about things like that when the relationship starts to get serious.
Anecdote not amounting to data. In 67 years I’d never seen it done. Until New Years Eve 2+ weeks ago.
I was on a cruise ship dining at one of the fancy eateries and a group of ~20 people came in and swamped the bar area. Most were 20-something, but a few teens or tweens and a few 50+. Some kind of extended family gathering, lots of people recording vids, etc.
Then the better-dressed young guy took up a spot that would be photogenic, got down on one knee and said something to the better dressed young gal and he had the sort of little jewel box rings come in, while everyone else in their party watched through their camera screen. Aww. I couldn’t hear, but judging from the group’s reactions, she must’ve said “yes.”
Not to rain on their parade, but the staged photo-op aspect of it was as offputting as was the ancient and frankly inappropriate ceremony.
In the recent thread about men asking the woman’s father’s permission to marry somebody related a case where one of their family members ended up marrying somebody they knew was a mistake because they got proposed to in a public place where they didn’t want to cause a scene by saying “no”, and then were too scared to back out after that.
The divorce was just a couple years later.
What’s that saying about act in haste & repent at leisure?
I just got done watching season 7 of Gilmore Girls and there’s a scene where Rory’s boyfriend puts her on the spot in front of everybody at a party. She handles it with aplomb by asking him to go for a walk outside where she decides to say no. I hated that guy and was glad she got rid of him.
The scene in Working Girl where jerk of a boyfriend goes down on one knee to propose to Melanie Griffith and she says flat-out no is a favorite of mine. He deserved the public humiliation.
I hate the practice because it’s so manipulative. Not romantic. Bordering on creepy. I trust it happens more in the movies than in real life.
Interesting, I thought it would be more common. I wasn’t there for it, but my brother, my now brother-in-law, and my best friend all did one knee for their respective formal proposals.
Personally, I happened to be on both knees. I had been out of commission sick and my (then-) girlfriend and I were playing a board game. I crawled under the table over to her and proposed with a recently-acquired opal ring. I bought it as a gift for her anyway, but it felt right. That was 30 years ago, so I guess I was right.
It was our three year dating anniversary. I knew he was going to propose that day, just not exactly how. We were at the local arboretum near a brook on a beautiful June afternoon. We both knew what was coming. As we lay there in love, a nearby couple started arguing, so we just looked at each other and laughed to ourselves while he waited for a better moment. Finally he presented me with two thick three-ring binders into which he’d compiled all of our emails to one another, as that was a major form of communication for the early part of our relationship so it pretty much showed us falling in love. Then he got down on one knee, presented the ring, and proposed.
I said yes, of course.
I’ve seen so many people propose on one knee, I’m a bit startled it isn’t universal. Maybe it’s regional. I would have guessed half of all people were proposed to that way.
For the life of me, I don’t remember if I did or didn’t. I think I did. It was at home, and my wife was sitting on the couch, looking annoyed at me for interrupting her work.
I’ve done many proposal photographs, and, yes, I believe every single one of them was on one knee. Then again, there’s self-selection bias there, as if you’re hiring a photographer to capture the moment, you’re likely to be the type to do the theater.
But, in my experience and observation, still quite common.
Regardless of how often it happens in real life, it’s a common cultural symbol in the United States - people will understand a man kneeling in front of a woman to be a proposal in progress.
(I was sitting down when I proposed - iconoclast that I am)
From a whole other different perspective, regionally, culturally and just by attitude, I find it striking that everyone in this thread naturally assumes that the man does the proposal to the woman. I find that disturbing. If I ever had had the urge to marry a woman (which I never had, but I have been in long, serious relationships), it would have been a matter of mutual discussions about the pros and cons, and then a decision between both of us, without any ceremony or “proposal”. I’d find that ridiculous, and I don’t understand the American obsession about marriage and its rituals.
I am an older American and this is pretty much how my two long relationships evolved to the point of considering marriage. There were no rituals involved.
That’s how we decided, we had already lived together and owned a home. I don’t exactly remember the details, but I remembermy wife describing our agreeing to get married as an amendment to our Memorandum of Understanding.
