Anybody else got any more syndromes or conditions we need to know about? The more acronyms the merrier.
Although you claim to have never said “all,” you are blatantly making blanket statements yourself that are supposed to accomodate all people with lateness issues, and I don’t find you to be credible at all because of that. Yes, some people with ADD hyperfocus, and some latesters have ADD. This does not mean that I have to treat with kid gloves every person who will not make an effort to cope with their lateness in a manner that does not completely disrupt my schedule any time I have to meet with them. Do realize that I don’t have a choice every time, and that if someone is consistently late and it doesn’t respond to the “different time” trick, I’m going to be resentful towards them because I view their behavior as being inappropriate and RUDE.
I really cannot have sympathy for people who are not proactive about dealing with their problems in general, so I can’t sympathize with your whining that nobody can control their lateness because some of them have ADD.
We could always add other brain related disorders and syndromes to the equation. But it wouldn’t make the topic any less ridiculous. :dubious:
Originally posted by QG
Bullshit. My 50 year old cousin was diagnosed 20 years ago. Every site I’ve looked at recognizes it as a disorder that affects both adults and children.
The fact remains that you don’t have to say “all” to paint with a broad brush. You are attributing a rudeness characteristic to “many” or “most” ADD sufferers that is simply inaccurate. In any case, it is not a hopeless situation for 99.9% of the people (who are probably destined to live with their parents forever so they can be mothered through life). There are solutions to the problem if you truly give a shit.
Show me where I said ‘all’.
It could mean that you could adjust yourself to that and change your own schedule accordingly. If you know a person’s chronically late, then it’s not all that useful to continue to believe somethng will change so then it’s to you to do so. Again, Ellis. Interesting that you people think it’s ok to demand others change but are reluctant to change yourselves.
Honey, I am not ‘whining’. I am attempting to explain that sometimes people have conditions which prevent them from doing things the way other people have decided they ought.
Your cousin is not an example of the rule. As for the sites - duh. Yes the ADD sites recognize it. Other medical sites do, including one I wrote to to point out that they needed to change their placement of ADD under ‘children’s disorders’.
I’m talking about people in your everyday life. There’s a psychologist in this city who told me to my face that ADD was actually mental retardation. That’s just my own experience; there are plenty more. The experts in ADD (if you chose to speak to any) would tell you that educating their colleagues is one of the necessary functions of their advocacy.
According to you. Not everybody considers it rude.
Unnecessary. And kind of rude, wouldn’t you say?
You made a hard-and-fast statement:
You’re wrong.
The ADD sufferers in my life are responsible adults. They don’t blame tardiness on their disorder and they aren’t habitually late.
The offenders certainly don’t. Not that their opinions matter when it’s the rest of the population on the receiving end of the slight.
Nope. It’s a solution to their problem. There are many solutions out there, if the handful of Brain Damaged Latesters would bother to look for them.
This is exactly where I’m calling “Bullshit.” I’m overweight. If I’m dating someone for whom that’s a problem and she asks me “Will you be twenty pounds lighter in a year?” I’m lying if I say “Sure thing.” I WANT to be twenty pounds lighter in a year, but the honest answer is “I’d like to be, and I’ll try to be, but the reality is that it’s harder for me to lose weight than I’d like, so I can’t promise anthing resembling results, just that I’ll try.” If she suspects, rightly, that this is a way of saying “I don’t think so,” she can leave me then and there. I may not want to lose her , but that’s my honest answer.
So can you answer “I’ve got a chronic lateness problem, and if you want me to meet you at 7:35 , I’ve got to say that it’s much more than likely that I’ll show up at 8:15 or 9 o’clock if I show up at all. Is that ok?” But you don’t --you say, “7:35? Sure thing!” knowing full well that if you’re on time, it will be the first time in three years. That’s being dishonest.
Call it what you like. You can’t extrapolate your behaviour to others. And vice versa.
No, it’s just being excessively optimistic. But hey, if it makes you feel better to get your knickers in a knot over it, go right ahead. It’s your heart that’s getting the dangerous dose of adrenaline. You could choose to not allow yourself to believe it’s dishonesty and therefore save yourself grief but up to you.
Exactly. Precisely. I hope to hell QG has to have somebody pick him/her up at the airport sometime after a nice long transcontinental flight and whoops! can’t keep track of time even though they made a commitment to be there. I’m sure he/she won’t think it’s rude at all! In fact, the tardy friend will probably be heaped with praise for giving QG such a wonderful opportunity to read, or explore the inner self, or be arrested as a lurking terrorist.
And it was said that 4% of the population has ADD. And not all people that have ADD are chronically late. This might make up a small segment of people that are chronically late.
It’s an excuse. And an excuse that only covers a small percentage of those that are late. And it is something that can be addressed with the proper tools.
Except for a very, very small percentage of people that might have serious issues with time, anyone can learn to be punctual if the care enough about those that are waiting for them. The ADD angle isn’t even worth bringing up.
All I’ve seen in this thread are excuses. And not very good ones at that. The point has been made again and again that if it is for something important, like a airplane departure, they can be on time. But for meeting a friend, it’s not important enough. In what way is that not rude and disrespectful?
I’d bet that if the people that are chronically late tried just little harder to be on time, we would not be having this debate.
No, you certainly never contended that ALL habitually tardy people have ADD, broken brains, or any other diagnosable impairment.
But you don’t seem to realize that a number of us have repeatedly observed that NOTHING you have presented shows anything other than that some percentage of latesters might be doing so as a result of their diagnosable impairment.
You cited (I believe) 4% of the general population as potentially having ADD/ADHD. But you presented NOTHING establishing either the percentage of ADD/ADHDers who are habitually late, or the percentage of habitually latesters who are ADD/ADHD.
You are the person who appears to be attempting to establish a link between habitual tardiness and ADD/broken brain. As such, you bear the burden of providing support for your assertion.
[QUOTE=Kalhoun]
Hilarious. Thanks for that educated and scholarly opinion that’s fully backed up with references. :rolleyes:
Again. 1. They know they have ADD
2. They are making accommodations
3. You know a few ADD sufferers. That equals anecdotal evidence.
Some folks (I’d say the controlling types) feel ‘slighted’. Do you get that not everybody does? Why do you extrapolate your particular opinion to the world at large? A lot of people on the threads have said it doesn’t really bug them all that much.
Charming. Thanks for letting me know what sort of respondent I’m dealing with.
If you enjoy getting yourself all in a lather about this, go right ahead. I’ve posted information that counters all your claims; you want to ignore it, that’s fine. Remain angry at situations beyond your control. They won’t get better because of your wrath and the only thing you’ll accomplish is upsetting yourself. Pointlessly since the thing you’re annoyed about is a wraith; i.e. narsty mean peoples who know exactly what their problem is and just won’t fix it so that they can bother you personally.
This is quite amusing coming from you after your behavior in this thread. No one is being snarkier than you are.
Oh, and while specific tools for ADD may be new, alarm clocks definitely aren’t. Alarm watches aren’t. Alerts that pop up on your computer aren’t. Hell, clocks that chime the hour even. If somebody were chronically late for appointments with me who was using everything they could think of to get there on time - alarms, reminders, etc, and they were still late, then I’d feel a lot of compassion for them.
I assume, however, that such a person wouldn’t make plans to pick me up at the airport, for example, or if we were to see a movie they’d be careful to say “I have a lot of trouble getting to places on time - at five minutes before the movie, if I’m not there you should go on in and I’ll catch up with you, if that’s okay with you”. If somebody who knew they were always late made a lunch date with me when I’m working, and only have an hour, you know what? That’s rude. They know they’re not gonna make it there, and don’t ask me how I know that - I mean, they didn’t make the last twenty appointments they had, why think they’re going to make this one? A considerate person with a serious problem that makes them late should inform you of that and try to work around it to not be rude. They’d say, “Would you mind picking me up? I get wrapped up in things sometimes, and it helps if somebody just shows up”, or they’d say “Oh, if you want to see a movie how about we do dinner before it? That way if something comes up we can always grab something really fast and have a bigger meal after the movie - I know how you hate to miss the previews!” That would be how you’d spot somebody who’s chronically late, possibly uncontrollably, but not rude.
It did happen to me. And I wasn’t furious. I was worried. You know why? Because the one time that I decided to not worry about my spouse being late was the time I got the call from the hospital saying I should go there because he’d been in an accident. And I don’t get mad over people being late because it’s not worth it to me to upset myself over something beyond my control, and because I don’t consider myself the arbiter of my friends’ lives. If they have problems, I endeavour to help rather than to censure. YMMV.
It is an explanation.
You can’t ‘try harder’ if your brain doesn’t work. Why is this so difficult to comprehend?
Irrelevant. You now know that there’s a possible explanation for their behaviour. Now you can take that to them and ask whether they have this kind of problem chronically and if they’d like help. Now you have links to show them what might be wrong and what can help. I’m informing you for that reason. I want you to take this information into consideration before you heap scorn on your friends and seek to help rather than to disapprove and condemn. Is that too much to ask?
[QUOTE=Quiddity Glomfuster]
They’ve known for *at least * 20 years that ADD affects adults. I’m fairly certain my cousin wasn’t the ground-breaking discovery in the field of Adult ADD. You’re wrong.
The fact that the Brain Damage Excuse (according to you) affects a small percentage of the 4% of the population who are diagnosed with ADD means we can surmise that the percentage of undiagnosed sufferers would have an equally small percentage who are incapable of either showing up on time or finding a solution to aid them in their punctuality. My anecdotal evidence is better than your NO evidence with regard to the sweeping assumption that tardiness = brain damage. Feel free to put the shovel down any time.
The overwhelming majority of punctual people stated they ARE annoyed by people who are 1) chronically late and 2) make lame-ass excuses for it. Annoyed to the point that they will avoid activities that require the latester to be on time.
I’ve given up on trying to correct people who wilfully disrespect me and my time. I simply don’t deal with them if it can be avoided. If I am forced to deal with them, I’ll call them on it every time. If they’ve had this problem long enough to have established a pattern with me and everyone else in their life, they’ve also had the opportunity to correct it. If they choose not to, I have every right to call them on it.
One more link , for those interested in learning.