We have a winner! It might not be polite to rub their noses in it, but kids basically have nothing but the gifts given to them. We’ve had a revolution in parenting that gives kids far more privileges than they’ve ever had; we probably all have stories of kids running the household, which is completely upside down. When you contribute next to nothing, you should have an equivalent say in things. That sliding scale should move as kids get older and contribute more, but teaching kids that you get something for nothing seems silly to me.
No it’s not cruel. I didn’t even have a door in my room, just a sheet nailed to the door frame. I never smoked weed, but I thought my cigarette smoke just disappeared I reckon!
I can’t even imagine any case where it would be cruel as a punishment and lesson in respecting the people who care for you. It’s fair and just.
Another person who would have been beyond ecstatic to be allowed to shut the door once in a while. My desk was not even allowed to be in that room - my desk was in the “study” (spare bedroom), and while I was allowed to shut the door there, there was nothing else to do.
I agree with the punishment for kids that deserve it. Kids should be allowed to earn more privacy, though, as they prove themselves fit.
I went to boarding school. Dormitories of 28 up until I was 13, then rooms with at least one other. Right to privacy? Ha.
Privacy? The only privacy i had was that my door sometimes stuck which gave me a 2-second warning before my parents barged in. Not long enough to really cover anything bad.
I think the door off the hinges thing is brill. Unusual punishments usually work the best, in my opinion.
My friend’s dad got so tired of them not picking up their room that he threatened to throw away any non-essential items they left on the floor. They didn’t believe him until they came home from school one day and it was all in the back of his truck. He made them drive with him while he dropped off all their expensive toys and books to the local shelter, to kids who would actually appreciate them.
When I heard that story, I immediately went home and cleaned my own room.
For those of you that think it’s harsh, I’d be interested in knowing if you have children.
FTR, I have used it as punishment against all my children; oddly enough the behavior I was ‘fixing’ was slamming the door from being angry at me. If they went off on a hissy fit and stormed into their room, I’d warn them that I wasn’t going to allow them to damage my house, and if it happened again they’d lose their door. All three of them fell victim at least once. I also had a rule that if company was over the door had to be kept open except at night.
I seem to recall one of my friends having to deal with door slamming. He went to the hardware store and bought one of those little hydraulic dampers for the door.
Before:
(Big argument)
“I hate you!”
SLAM!
Parents exchange exasperated rolleyes.
After:
(Big argument)
“I hate you!”
ssssss click
Parents giggle together.
Dad? Is that you?
Once in high school, I was home alone and had my boyfriend over. Summer day, couple of teenagers, life is good. Unfortunately, I had forgotten that my dad had Friday half-days to work in the summer–creak creak creak the garage door opened, slam! the door to the house, clink clink went my dad’s keys on the table, clunk clunk clunk he came up the stairs to change clothes–“BANG! BANG! apollonia! What are you doing in there?”
“I…uh…I’m wrapping your Father’s Day present, Dad! Be done in a second!”
Hurry hurry shuffle shuffle open and close my desk drawer a couple of times for effect. Smuggle my boyfriend out of the house, hide him in my car for a few minutes, make up a fake errand to go run. I was damned lucky that Father’s Day was actually coming up next week. I don’t think my dad would have bought “I’m wrapping your…your…Administrative Assistant’s Day gift, Dad!”
The door is a simple & effective punitive measure.
Even better would be to enforce a “Share Law.” Smoking in the house means you have to pass to anyone inclined to participate.
Perhaps more effective would have been for dad to get blitzed right there in the kid’s room and proceed to do nothing but listen to Beach Boys and eat tootsie rolls for the next 3-4 hours.
As I said above, I think the father did the right thing in the OP. But there seem to be some people here who I think are going a little too far on parental authority. I agree that the parents are the ultimate decision makers - but their authority shouldn’t be used arbitrarily. A father who takes the attitude of “I own this house and everything and everyone in it. All that you have comes from me. The father giveth and the father taketh away.” is not doing a good job as a father. A fifteen year old should feel he has some rights as a family member.
I don’t think anyone here has said it’s harsh. Pretty much everyone has said it’s a good idea. The ONLY case I thought was too harsh was purplehorseshoe’s.
In this situation? Hey, if the kid is dumb enough to smoke weed in his room, then I think Mom and Dad made the right decision.
Totally not a big deal. Privacy and your own room is nice, but no one is entitled to that at any age. Pretty much a modern invention.
You win! I’m totally going to do this when the time comes. I’ll do the door thing too, if I need to. But this cheesy old mom chillin’ with the cool kids would be great punishment. My mother did things like that. My friends thought she was a riot. Me, not so much.
When my daughter was three, she liked to play with and lock doors.
She did this one day with our bedroom door, while we were in the living room.
No problem, our ensuite bathroom had an open window to climb through.
Except that our apartment is on the eigth floor…after that, we removed the locks…
Is it really a magic bullet, removing a teenager’s bedroom door? I think the situation would have to be pretty lousy to get to that point. Hopefully a wakeup call to most kids, but other kids will dig in their heels, determined to outlast any contest of wills.
I’m pretty respectful of my kid’s privacy as they are of mine, they always knock and wait before coming in my room, even if the door is open. At this point I don’t know what I would do if they lost my trust and deserved less privacy. I do have a friend who has no respect for her son’s privacy, bed, bath, bookbag, email she barges in without warning. He’s a good kid, choirboy, eagle scout, an only child of nerds. Why so little trust? I don’t think she has a good reason other than she wants to assert her authority. Thing is, he’s learning to be sneaky!
I think it’s a shame that many posters don’t believe that showing your child respect will engender more of the same. The point of being an adult is you have more perspective and empathy than a child. Although respecting your kids may not get through to them in the extreme short-term, I think leading by example tends to stick with them in the long-term. I’m not a parent, but the people I know with the healthiest, most adult family relationships are those whose parents showed them an empathetic, firm respect growing up. In my opinion, removing the door of a child who is accustomed to having a door is childish behavior. It is a power play, and will surely beget more of the same behavior.
I don’t understand why people would have children if they’re basically just looking for an underaged renter:
I like that one. It’s annoying enough to fix the behavior but not actually cruel. The one from my dad I like is that when we didn’t push in our chairs at the dining table, which admittedly was a very small thing, we eventually had to walk up and down the stairs five times. It’s a very small punishment, but you spend the whole time mentally shooting he chair, which drives in the idea. I think this only had to happen twice.
I’ve had plenty of students who obviously were never made to be cooperative members of their little house society, as if they were delicate physch flowers that could not be twinged. They end up being disrespectful entitled brats that you want to just bang into the wall. I also greatly suspect it takes them a few firings as adults to start to really lose it.
I’ve often wondered why some of these potential A students who are getting Cs and Ds don’t have their posters, stereos, iPods, TVs, doors, etc. disappearing. “Oh, did your phone run away? I guess it was embarrassed at being seen with such bad grades.”
My bro with 5 kids makes the point that it’s a battle of wills that you have to win early (and he should know, being the one of us who clearly thought at 7 that he could manage not to cry when spanked). If you can’t win the battle of wills with a 2-year old, realize that you’re signing up for another 20 years of frustration and disappointment.
A little more emphasis on the benevolent and a little less on the dictatorship. You start trying to rule your household like you’re a Czar don’t be surprised when your kids start acting like Lenin.
(bolding mine)
How old is her son? :eek:
I think that if my parents had tried this with me, I would have spent a lot of time literally in my closet. Privacy may be modern, but solitude, which introverts thrive on, is increasingly hard to come by. Would it have worked with me? It certainly would have got my attention. If I thought it was fair, as this sounds like it was, I think I would have accepted the lesson. If I didn’t, I’d have found a way to dig in my heels.
The parent has to have thought things out. I seem to recall my mother threatening to throw out things that I left on the floor. As she has hoarding tendencies, I think she thought that this would be so horrifying that I couldn’t risk her being serious. I knew, though, that she couldn’t really watch anything thrown out; the memory is now a little vague, but I think that the threat lasted until I asked for a garbage bag that I could start filling. This was a mix of me calling her bluff and me figuring that neatness was not something that I’d take to, so that, if it was going to happen, I might as well get it over with. Know yourself, know the kid.