I read this often- that sex is a biological need. Often when people are caught having affairs or, as in the neverending cases of closeted gay men who get caught having sex with men, the “his needs and urges were too great” line will often be used by both defenders and detractors.
So some definitions of terms first: I’m referring to sex as a physical sexual act between two (or more) people that results in orgasm (ideally for both [or more] parties) as opposed to masturbation or sexual fantasy.
An increasing amount is written about “sexual addiction”- celebrities such as David Duchovny and Charlie Sheen and (pre Catherine Zeta Jones) Michael Douglas supposedly ruined their marriages due to sexual addiction and some females have it as well. (In the animal kingdom it happens all the time- I had female dogs and cats over the years that I would try to confine when they were in season and they’d dig/climb/crawl their way out because they wanted it as much as the males did).
Is it really a physical need for some people? The reason I ask is that I have been celibate far more of my life than not- I’m celibate now (not for any philosophical reasons or physical impairments but circumstance- I don’t believe in casual sex [for myself, couldn’t care less what other people do] and I don’t want a relationship at this particular time- and while I definitely get “the urge” sometimes it’s nothing insurmountable. I’ve known many others who went extremely long periods of time without any. Is it because we have lower sex drives than average (because when I’m in a relationship I seem to have a regular sex drive), or is it psychological, or is there really a physiological need for it that some have and some don’t?
I don’t believe there is a physiological need for sex but I do believe there is a need for intimacy in order to retain our mental health as social animals. Sex is certainly part of this intimacy, and, for whatever reason, when people do not have access to it they often do strange things. Prisons -and pirate ships- are places where normally heterosexual individuals will turn to homosexual relationships instead. I know the popular narrative is that these relationships are all about domination, but I think it’s also about intimacy as well. In 2008 I remember reading an article about a Neo-Nazi and a gay Jew in a prison as well as another relationship involving a man and a transgendered individual. Their relationships didn’t seem to be all about domination but seemed to be a manifestation of their desire for intimacy on some level.
There is a condition called “vasocongestion” or “blue balls” resulting from sexual excitement without the release of an orgasm, but this can be relieved by masturbation, so it’s not a need for sex per se.
There is a biological imperative to procreate;without that, where would any species be? That doesn’t mean that it manifests itself above all else (usually survival, food, shelter might come first - thanks, Maslow!) And in some persons this might not manifest itself in the same was as most, that is, what the average person might call “normal”. Some people have a very low or no sex drive, and others are homosexual or might have other defining urges that would not lead to reproduction. Still, in the end, it generally boils down to our genetic matter wanting us to make more of us.
Love is the need, connecting with the other people heart to heart - it is the desire we all want. The couple this happens with will determine if sex may result, or if the nature of the relationship will be different, such as a mother-child type of love.
If the relationship is a romantic one, then sex may happen unless some type of moral code prevents the person or people from engaging in their hearts desire.
Sex is a want, not a need. Some people do a better job of controlling that want than others, but that doesn’t make it a need. Some people struggle to control their desire for liquor or nicotine or sugar, but none of those things are needs.
A great many of the history’s greatest individuals have been celibate for all or part of their lifetimes. It did not hurt them and it may have helped them to acheive what they did.
The brain of an addict perceives a need for nicotine or alcohol or meth or gambling or sex, and if deprived, will react as if a need is going unfulfilled.
I think every guy’s had that at some point. They should also be included in all father-son facts of life talks because it hurts like hell and the first time it happens you don’t know how easy it is to ‘cure’.
You do not “need” it but we possess a sexual drive. It does not build and build till we are unable to stop ourselves or go crazy from lack of it (there is psychological condition of actual sexual addiction, I suppose you could say those people are compelled to have sex but it is a rare thing).
I lol at sex “addiction”. It’s actually quite a disgusting concept and a sign of increasing feminising of our society; because we cannot acknowledge that monogamy is a fairly unpleasant experience for a typical man, yet political correctness means that no one is a deviant any more, we dress up normal behaviour as the acts of an addict.
Sex addiction can be a very real and very serious problem for some people. Not Tiger Woods but rather a legitimate mental disorder.
We are not talking about people with a high libido. We are talking about an actual addiction/psychosis and it usually ruins the person’s life or at the least makes it very difficult.
I think you’ll agree that the majority of these people who claim to have sex addiction are looking for an out, however. This is not only ridiculous in its own right, it also hurts people who legitimately have the problem, considering that they’re now more likely to be thought of as simply lying.
I recently looked at the history of prostitution, and throughout history, this was the norm (sex is necessary for men, therefore prostitution is necessary to prevent men from getting or trying to get sex from “respectable” women.) The US is just about the only country in the world that doesn’t believe this is true (I’m not saying it is true, but it is the only country that denies that men want to have lots and lots of sex.)
Given how many people throughout history have done crazy things for sex, I don’t see how it doesn’t qualify as a need. Like anything else the urge is greater in some people and less in others, but that doesn’t mean the need doesn’t exist in some. Just because I have no need for alcohol doesn’t let me say alcoholism is bullshit.
It used to be said that our ability to control our sex drive, our superior minds, and the posable thumb are the things that separates us from the animals. Well, 1 out of 3 ain’t bad! Thumbs up!
Bullshit. The average American gets married much later than most of the world, leaving tons of time for shenanigans. How many cultures have anything even resembling the stereotypical American college experience, where scads of willing young men and women explore their sexuality in an often uncommitted way? Americans have pretty much perfected “hooking up.”
Furthermore, it is perfectly socially acceptable in our society to chose not to marry and live your whole life with a rotating selection of sex partners if that’s what you want. Indeed, there are so many willing females (who, it turns out, also have sex drives) that it’s no longer routine in America to pay for sex.
Thumbs up! 