I try not to get my medical advice from pop culture, but here goes…
I heard something that SOUNDED credible, even though it came from Christina Ferrari on a talk show. She was explaining that she always thought she was frigid because she never wanted to have sex. Finally she got her hormone levels checked by her OB/GYN, and her testosterone level was WAY too low. Yes guys, testosterone is also what makes US horny.
She began using a testosterone cream, and had great results. Have you considered getting checked out by your doctor? Also, do you have pain during intercourse, or is it just boring? Painful can mean medical problems, always good to check out.
Medications can affect sex drive, as can pregnancy, nursing and other hormone-fucking-up states of being. Or, it might just not be your cup of tea. You didn’t mention whether or not it is all forms of sex, or just intercourse. Have you had any great oral sex? I personally think it’s the best.
Oh and to the earlier poster who is pulling out before ejaculaion to avoid getting someone pregnant- who ran that shit, and why did you believe it? It is 100% false- you secrete a small amount of semen well before you come, in order to get rid of any urine in the ureathra, which will kill sperm during later ejaculation. It is nature’s way of making sure that the species continues to flourish. Try a condom or ask your partner to be responsible for her own birth control. It helps to avoid nasty little surprises- yes, I got pregnant that way!
Turp, you have any idea how hard it is for me to reply to this thread and not offer my services to rectify the situation?
I’d have to agree that this probably isn’t normal, and you aren’t always going to feel this way. The trick is to find out what is missing for you.
Some good culprits to look at are medications. Especially anti-depressants and other treatments for mental illnesses. Secondly, if could be a symptom of some type of childhood truama or light depression.
If we can eliminate any of these above issues, then we can address the more esoteric emotional causes. I agree its a safe bet that you just aren’t with the right guy for the right reasons, probably both. One question to ask is do you enjoy masturbating? You said you have cum alone, but you didn’t elaborate on if you look forward to masturbating, or crave those wonderful orgasms. If you more or less have done your masturbating only to test it out, or because you think you should, it might be a more serious problem than your aware of. If it seems you get no enjoyment from orgasm, and have no urge to keep achieving them you might want to explore getting a little expert advice.
Now, if the jillin’ is top notch and you have no complaints about your libido so the problem isn’t lack of horniness, but lack of pleasurable sex then we can start focusing on the skills of your partners and your emotional attachment to them.
I personally could have done with or without it up until I met my husband. Now neither one of us can get enough, and it’s a ton of fun. So it’s either the right guy, or my hormones changed, one or the other. Frankly, I am pretty sure it’s the guy
It may come as a surprise for those who have followed my recent threads, but I know exactly how the OP feels. I have been with a few women where, well, I was bored. I figured out later it was because I just wasn’t that attracted to them. Now I never ask a girl out unless I know her well enough to know that I already like her. (And hopefully vice-versa) I don’t think I am capable of having a one-night stand. I’ve suppressed my libido so thoroughly for so long that now I must follow my own self-imposed rules, or else nothing happens. I may get aroused, but it’s more an automatic physical response, and theres actually very little pleasure in it for me.
Turpentine, let me ask you some questions–your situation sounds very similar to someone I know.
Have you ever tried cyber-sex? Like in chat rooms?
How about phone sex (with a stranger)?
Do you have any fantasies about nameless, faceless guys?
Does pornography (any kind) turn you on?
A friend of mine (female) has a problem where she can only become really sexually aroused when the sex involves someone she does not know.
She is involved with a wonderful guy (she says she thinks he might actually be her soul mate and she says she loves him) but she says that sex with him is not exciting or even interesting. I suggested she try chatting to see if that would work and she has found that it gets her really turned on. However, when she tries to take that energy and have sex with her boyfriend, it doesn’t work.
I’m sorry I don’t have an answer to your problem, I was just wondering if maybe it could be the same situation.
Let me throw another one out there, one I’ve struggled with. If you’ve got a disappointed attitude in your body, then you might tend to disassociate from it. That’s a big struggle for me now that I weigh 30 more pounds than I used to. I feel very closed off from my body, I guess from suppressing a lot of negative feelings about it. I know this plays into sex quite a bit. I’m working on it.
You don’t have to be overweight to have this problem, of course, just not liking your body will do it.
How old are you Turp? That can make a huge difference to many females when it comes to enjoying sex. When we are young we often end up having sex with young men who have not reached the point where it becomes part of their sexual satisfaction to help you enjoy yours. It isn’t always true but it often applies. When a guy is in his twenties, he’s much more focused on his own gratification. Guys in their thirties begin to concentrate more on technique. It becomes part of their goal, bringing pleasure to their partner. You’re happy, they’re happy. It gets even better when I guy reaches his forties, there’s a lot can be said for experience and longevity.
Also, women are not often in touch with their own sexuality. We often don’t know much about our own bodies. Sometimes we haven’t learned what makes us feel good. Our sexuality is a little more complicated I think. Probably because our sex organs are located inside our bodies. They aren’t sticking out there for us to see everytime we pull down our skirts. Women also need to be touched. Men are visual, women are tactile. That’s why we like foreplay.
My suggestion is for you to get to know your own self. Women will complain that they’ve never had an orgasm, yet they have no idea how to explain to their partner how they can help achieve one. Give yourself one first, then you’ll know.
I kind of had the same views as you. I didn’t enjoy sex as much as I do now. (and I’ve had plenty, believe me) My ex-husband was the worst! Always missionary and about 2 seconds of foreplay, no oral sex at all because he didn’t like it, (giving or receiving) and the sex lasted about 5 minutes. (which was fine with me because it sucked)
After being with my old boyfriend and my fiancee I can say that everything has changed. My ex-boyfriend was the first lover I had that actually knew how to get me off and always made sure I climaxed. After him came my fiancee and now I’m having the best sex I’ve ever had. I’m finally comfortable around someone, naked or clothed, and our communication is outstanding so we know what each other likes and we try our best to please each other. That’s the important thing.
I would suggest the same as the others. Masturbate and figure out what it is that you like and then find a partner you can direct. Tell him what you like and what you don’t like, how to do it, etc. Communication with your partner is key! Also, going to a doctor is a good idea too. It may be what EJsGirl said about the testosterone level being low.
incoci - I hope you’re not offended if I say this is an odd attitude. You **refuse to allow **yourself? Sounds a bit control freakish. Have you ever considered condoms as another method of birth control?
** spooje **- I read the FSAD link and it sounds very familiar to me. I even know what might have caused this problem. It’s nice to know that my condition has a name and classification on the DSM-IV. Imagine that, I have a mental illness! Nevertheless, it’s comforting to know that it can be helped if i go seek it out. sigh. Therapy- great fun.
But thank you very much, really.
But maybe ** Oldscratch ** is on to something.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by oldscratch *
**From looking at your profile I was able to instantly deduce what your problem is. You haven’t tried having sex with another Residents fan. It’s a well known fact that Residents fans can usually only get off with others of their kind, there are some few small exceptions. My best advice is totravel around reciting the following lines. If anyone recognizeds them, sleep with them as soon as possible. **
Scratch- I think you may be right. Every time i have had sex I have always insisted that we do it in an igloo whilst blaring the Freak Show album, surrounded by toy poodles. I also make my partner wear a giant eyeball on his head, naturally. I have always enjoyed the procedure and atmosphere, but the sex itself is terrible. Do you think it’s just that my partner is always distracted?
** Omni **- I appreciate the offer and if i go to therapy and it works out ok, I will need an igloo and several small dogs. Ok?
Yeah Feynn-
I do like close contact, cuddling with a guy while watching “Six String Samurai” and kissing.
Kissing is fun and doesn’t make me nervous or uncomfortable- I’m damn good at it too!
Unfortunately that’s the sort of thing a sixth-grader may brag about.
I’m lousy at sex, so it cancels out my smooching talent.
I guess that’s usually enough intimacy for me, but often the guy feels otherwise.
Turp, good luck, and get to that therapy. I’ve got a stake in this too now! I’ll have my giant eyeball ready and waiting. Hope you don’t mind, I’ve never been described as having feminine features though…maybe its time for a new direction anyways ;).
Well, there’s a lot of good advice here. If none of this works, you can always “lie back and think of England!”
Yer pal,
Satan
[sub]I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Four months, two weeks, 13 hours, 23 minutes and 12 seconds.
5462 cigarettes not smoked, saving $682.79.
Life saved: 2 weeks, 4 days, 23 hours, 10 minutes.[/sub]
"Satan is not an unattractive person."-Drain Bead
[sub]Thanks for the ringing endorsement, honey![/sub]
I think that is your problem in a nutshell. Personally I always like to have abstract two dimensional underground dweller pictures involved, and have my partner chant “Santa Dog’s a Jesus Fetus”. All you need to do is find the right partner, one who understands the need for residents paraphanelia in all aspects of lovemaking. I might be able to help in that regard.
My suggestion is to take a hot bath, drink a small class of wine, turn off the TV and the phone, and spend an hour or so exploring your own body and learning what techniques feel the best. Find out what makes you cum.
Next time you are with a man show him what you have learned. Don’t be afraid to tell him how you like it. He wants to know - really! If he is pressing too hard or too soft or in the wrong spot, let him know. How else is he going to know how to please you?
Hey, how 'bout a bleached-long-haired hippy 20 year old who listens to They Might Be Giants, thinks lesbians are disgusting, plays accordion outside movie theaters to piss people off, and tells people he’s Jewish even though he’s not…
I’m not psychotic, but I guarantee there’s some philosophy of mine that someone might call psychosis.
