I think it’s very difficult to parse them out. I’m probably solidly in the 50/50 camp when it comes to biology and environment, but it’s also a false dichotomy, because due to epigenetics, our environment actually shapes our genetic expression. When it comes to the gender stuff, I think it doesn’t really matter why we do it, as long as it’s what we want to do and we aren’t hurting other people.
Human brains are just weird. I was reading an article about diet and fitness, and apparently being on a diet has a placebo effect, to the extent that you’ll lose more weight if you get the high calorie drink, as long as you think it’s the low calorie one.
Yes, this stuff is complicated. But there are some things that we can expect are true even if we don’t know the details. That men and women will have different strategies when seeking out mates is one of them. And we can expect that each gender has a different strategy (or different strategies over time) when seeking out long term mates vs seeking out sexual partners.
You say weird, I say complex. But we don’t need to know why something happens to know that it happens. And yeah, I heard about the diet experiment. Things can get even “weirder” than that. Turns out that the placebo effect happens even when the subjects know they are taking a placebo vs “the real thing”. How weird is that!
The difference is that (I assume) you don’t go around repeatedly saying to the world, “I am a strong, confident woman!” That’s who I think the OP is talking about, not women who just get on with what life throws at them.
I had a giggle at your description of the use of the term “man brain”. I’ve long thought that I have one of those as well. At any party, I’ll be over with the guys talking politics and tech stuff, and it’s been that way forever. The more “feminine” discussions of who said what to whom and then they did this and blah blah blah, I don’t care about. I think it’s just about what each person prefers, but a good deal of the choices are based on societal norms; I think people don’t challenge them because of “what will other people think?”.
Nobody who often claims to be “confident” is confident. Nobody who keep saying they’re “strong” is strong. Nobody who keeps drawing your attention to their being “nice” is nice.
If a person actually is something, they don’t have to keep convincing everyone of it.
Big dogs walk quietly; little dogs yap. Don’t be a human little dog. Avoid or shun other human little dogs when you find them. Life is easier and much more pleasant that way.
If I may defend the villains a bit - it’s an awfully narrow tightrope, these days, for a guy to raise valid points about some women going for bad guys, or not liking docile/tame characteristics, without immediately being accused of being a “nice guy.” These complaints raised by guys are not without basis - there are, for instance, some women who have a crush-obsession with the Columbine school shooters, women who send love letters to serial-killer Charles Manson, etc. Many “nice guys” who are perceived as whiny or passive-aggressive, are, in fact, telling the truth. They may not be telling the truth in the most ideal way, but many of their claims have factual basis.
Conversely, there are some women who *are *in a situation where they have to speak their mind because something in company policy, or some social setting, is constantly awry and someone has to speak up. Or some women do have to tackle problems in an aggressive manner. But they will quickly be perceived as bossy or jerk-ish. What is she to do, just allow the problems to go unaddressed?
I would never say it’s “easy”. But to the nice guys you describe, I would tell them they need to stop portraying themselves as put-upon victims simply because a tiny fraction of women dig psycho killers, as if this means anything. It doesn’t. Just like how a tiny fraction of men digging morbidly obese does not signify anything meaningful about how men feel about women. If I heard a Nice Guy talking this kind of shit, I’d be wondering if he thinks my lack of attraction towards him indicates that I must be attracted to Charles Manson, which would make me want to disregard everything else he has to say.
To the strong, confident woman you describe, I would tell her that she doesn’t need to speak her mind in any and every situation. It is okay for people to be wrong, especially if the wrongness is trivial and isn’t going to hurt anyone. Yes, sometimes you have to be aggressive. But you don’t have to be aggressive all the time. If she doesn’t know how to turn it down when the situation calls for it, she needs to concede that she’s going to turn off most people.
I agree that sometimes a Nice Guy really is a nice guy, and sometimes the Strong, Confident woman is really strong and confident. But I don’t think the characters you describe are completely blameless.