My first thread. wheeee!
Over on this thread, the discussion has drifted onto the topic of Nice Guys, and why they really aren’t. Nice, that is.
For a definition of a Nice Guy, go here.
For an example from my own life, let’s take “Trevor the Spineless Wonder.” We had gotten to know each other through a community Spanish class. He asked me out to a movie and dinner after, during which we had a great discussion about politics. We didn’t agree, but that’s okay, right? Quick hug after date, we go our separate ways.
A few days later, we go out for coffee. Trevor starts out by telling me that he’s missing his chess club to be with me, but that’s okay, since “I’d rather be with you than go to any of my clubs.” ooooookay.
During the date, Trevor puts his chin in his hand, stares at me, and tells me how much he likes to hear me talk. Naturally, this lets him off the conversational hook.
The only time he pipes up is to complain about his lack of success with women, and how they all date assholes, and how it’s impossible to know what they want.
A week later, he calls me again. When I ask him why he hasn’t called sooner, he says that he thought I didn’t want him to (I had sent no such signals, btw)
Trevor made four classic Nice Guy mistakes:
falling too soon- second date is not the place to profess your undying devotion. It’s not sweet, it’s stalker-y.
Pretending to be interested in what I have to say to get out of conversation doesn’t make you a good listener, it makes you boring.
Not realizing that the common factor in all of your failed relationships is you- take some responsibility for your mistakes instead of blaming everybody else.
Disparaging yourself to trick me into giving you a complement.
I very kindly told him that confidence is sexy, and better luck next time. Why do guys think that women want this shit? Women don’t love ball-less men, they use them.