Nice guys never get the girl....

I have a friend whom I tried to hook up with a female for 6 months but failed miserably because of the “nice guy” reputation he held. After telling him what the general consensus was, he asked me what he should do. I suggested changing how he carries himself. Instead of his usual timid demeanor, change to a conceded S.O.B. I was joking of course but he took my suggestion quite serious and upon my dismay, the same females who weren’t attracted to him when he was a complete “nice guy” began asking about him after his transformation. Now he’s been dating one of the women for about 2 years.
So do nice guys always finish last? I personally think so. What do you think?

You would almost think so, wouldn’t you?

It seemed that way all the time I was growing up with me. I ended up getting married 2 months ago (thank you, thank you) to a woman that is both beautiful in the “vanity” sense (she has even done some non-professional modeling) and extremely thoughtful and intelligent… she is going for her P.Eng as well as becoming a professional surveyor. Why she married me? Who knows. Am I nice? Yep. Can I be a dickhead? Sure, at times, but I dont try to around her and if I start to she gets very disapointed and I hear about it.

So I guess to answer your question no, nice guys don’t always finish last. In the end they usually end up ahead. The guys I knew in high school who had the girls are the same ones who got married young and have 4 screaming kids, and equally nasty wife (outwardly anyhow) and trying desperately look like they are having a real hard time make ends meet.

My .02, if its worth anything.

Hey Rook, you might be looking at the problem from the wrong side. When you told your friend to act like a conceited SOB: he stopped being timid, stood up straight and started walking with confidence. That’s what makes a man attractive. Confidence, decisiveness and the courage of his convictions will get any passable-looking man into conversation with a woman a party (or at least me when I was younger and thinner). Timid guys, Angry men and people with nothing to talk about are the ones who don’t hook up.

Ooh ooh! I wanted to mention that. Don’t confuse “Shy” with “Nice”. I don’t know any real “shy” guys that get the girl. Stand proud don’t look at the ground. Speak and be at least semi-assertive. I bet that is what changed with your friend more than anything. If he had those qualites and wasn’t an ass he probably would have done even better.

Beyond that I go with exactly what bernse said (except for the personal details about his spouse since, of course, I’m married to a different woman).

It sure does seem that nice guys finish last (it seemed that way to me as well when growing up). Then again, the nice guys end up with the more thoughtful and interesting women who are smart enough to discern the difference between a jerk and decent, well put together man.

In the end the wait and patience is worth it no matter how horny you get in the interim (which I’ll admit can be pretty rough sometimes).

Funny place for a post like this…but what do i know?
I do know that I have dated plenty of assholes, and dated a few Nice Guys and found them Boring.

Here’s what I have come up with.

I agree with the self-confidence factor,but i would like to broaden that theory.
Women tend to become attracted to extreme personalities. we can’t help it, we just seem to notice the extreme personalities first, just the way that you notice the pretty girls sooner than the plainer ones.

Unfortunately, assholishness tends to accompany extreme personalities, but not always, as I am coming to learn.

Well, it all depends on what you want.

If you just want some trim, be an A-Hole. If you really want to hook up with someone interesting who you’ll spend much time with work on your confidence level, the strength of your convictions, and your flirting skills.

Nice girls (women) never can find the nice guys (men)…

Many nice guys settle into relationships young, and then effectivly drop out of the singles scene, so you don’t see them much. This screws the sample size. Assholes, on the other hand, can’t get a woman to hang aruond, so they are out on the hunt every few days. You see them more. They may end up with a higher number different women slept with, but the married guy at home may well be getting laid more often.

Second, many of the self-proclaimed “nice guys” I know are not. They think they are, because when they are sexually interested in a woman they treat her well, are considerate, polite, attenitive, etc., but no one else in thier circle gets the same treatment or anything near it. This is very noticicble if you are the object of thier attention, nad a major turn-off. The guys I know that are genuinely nice to everyone tend to do well with women.

I think you’re just looking in the wrong places. There are dozens of nice girls in IMHO, for instance, who would just love to meet a nice guy.

C’mon, let’s go check it out…

That’s not always true. My current boyfriend was severely shy when I first met him. He was afraid to talk to me or even look at me. I guess that’s one of the things Turpentine meant when she mentioned “extreme” (though she was referring more as to extreme assholes methinks). However, at times I can be quite assertive, and I swept this guy right off his feet. Now that he knows that someone adores him and thinks the world of him, his confidence has grown. I think a lot of people’s self esteem gets boosted with a good relationship.

Quote from Turpentine:
“Women tend to become attracted to extreme personalities”

I agree with this theory. I think women are attracted to personalities that are adventurous, spontaneous, and mysterious. Kind of keep them guessing so they feel like they’re working for something that’s worth it. Someone whose too “nice” (jumps at every womens needs with almost no regard for his own well-being) could be interpreted as somewhat weak and unexciting

According to a poll I read somewhere on some polling website, more women are attracted to guys who appear somewhat rebellious and bad boy than ‘nice guys’. (On the same poll, they prefer guys with massive ‘units’ at an astounding 47% out of 300 pollsters! That seems to shoot down the always heard ‘it isn’t how much you have, but how well you use it.’)

Then again, I usually seek out ‘wild women’ who do not remind me of the local librarian, would not say ‘****’ if they had a mouthful, who can magically change their looks and like to have fun. I probably should not because I fit the nice guy mold. At least until I really get to know the lady. I’ve been dumped a lot as being too nice, reminding them of a big brother, being comfortable, being ‘sweet’ and all that stuff. I like women who either look and act all petite and sweet while at work but let their hair down and have fun afterwards. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark steams me up, so did Debra Winger in that country movie she played in with Travolta at Gillies in Texas.

It’s my misfortune that I mainly resemble a grown up from Revenge of the Nerds, and am a bit shy at first. (A lingering curse from high school!)

I like the ‘bad girl’ look but often the attitude which goes along with it is not acceptable. It is curious how so many men and women go after the ‘bad’ look in opposite sexes, but it is rarely the other way around and opposites are supposed to attract.

I believe you. I just don’t know of any personally, thats all. Well, I guess I can make that I know one now. No, I don’t know your boyfriend :wink: Glad you got him!


First, I just want to say that manhattan has the most interesting ways of introducing thread transfers. They crack me up everytime. :slight_smile:

In regards to the OP, this has been discussed before and, IIRC, we all basically agreed that woman like assholes. Although, again IIRC, no one knows why. (And I’m sure I don’t recall correctly but oh well.) Anyway, as far as my track record goes, I (apparently) like assholes too. No, I don’t know why.

The friend I gave the suggestion to was extremely hard on the eyes, at the least. Contrary to the popular belief that men don’t judge the looks of other men, I feel I can distinguish a good-looking guy versus a guy who resembles Steve Buscemi on crack. No woman wants butt-ugly man but attitude can greatly improve physical appearance. I don’t think there’s any women who want to hear that she’s right, ALL the time. Plus, that would cut out the main source of communication between couples (nagging, complaining, bickering, etc;)
When I said he took my suggestion, he didn’t only change his demeanor. He also changed his attitude. It was no longer, “what do I have to do to get a woman” but it changed to, “what does a woman have to do to get me.” He wasn’t the office lackey anymore. When a female asked him if he could get her a cup of coffee from the break room he’d say, “I’m busy. I might get it for you later if you’re lucky.” Consequently, he said that to the same female who later found his new identity attractive.

This sounds very wrong, somehow…

KKBattousai, check out this thread. It’s not the thread I was thinking about, but it’s pretty much the same. You’ll find that a lot of people agree that woman go for “scumbags” and a few guesses as to why. Enjoy.

Girlbysea wrote:

Well, if by “nice girls” you mean “women who won’t Do It with a guy before they’re married to him,” then I’m not at all surprised.

tracer… If DO IT means SEX… YOU are right… Nice girls and nice guys would be lonely people…