I usually find people are asking me about my red hair in order to compliment it but even if it was just them being curious, I wouldn’t have a problem with it. Natural red hair is slightly unusual and I think it’s perfectly healthy to discuss some differences openly. However, I don’t think it’s appropriate for men to discuss firecrotch matters with a woman they’ve never met and I’d have had stern words with them.
I’ve also got the classic redhead’s “So white it’s practically blue” skin and have never had anyone but close friends suggest I should try self-tan, and that’s only been due to my moaning about my horrid white legs. Unfortunately even the palest self-tan turns me yellow, so nope, not an option.
I think it’s very much down to the impression you give - I appear to be the sort of confident person who is quite up to comfortably discussing any or all physical traits with anyone. Therefore I’ve had women I don’t know comment on how large my bust is and also on my being plus size. I’m not as confident as I appear so don’t enjoy these conversations at all, but they’re certainly well meaning enough and seldom of a negative nature, so I just shrug it off.
My customary response to the exceptionally rude and highly creepy “drapes and carpets” line of questioning is:
“You’ll never find out.” in the iciest tone I can manage.
In my case, people tend not to belive my hair color doesn’t come out of a bottle because my eyebrows are (and have been since I was tiny) very pronounced and coal black (as are my eyelashes).
If a lady tells you her hair color is natural, don’t, under any circumstances, argue with her about it. For Pete’s sake! That’s just flat out boorish.
Comments like this are primary reasons why the number of times I’ve left the house with my hair down in the last decade is in the low teens. That and total strangers wanting to touch my hair. Just… ick. Don’t touch me dammit!
I always say “I love the color of your hair.” Sometimes I get “thanks” Sometimes I get “Loreal, honey brown” or “Oh, I love my colorist!” - but I’m not saying “I love the color” to find out if its natural, its an honest compliment.
I once told a clerk that she had the most stunning green eyes and she said “everything thinks they are contacts.” So I suspect that its common for folks to pay a “compliment” by “figuring out how you got there” rather than just admiring what IS (and who the hell cares if your teeth are capped).
I suspect she does, since I have as well. In those cases I choose to quote RHCP “If you have to ask, you’ll never know.” On the other hand, the occasional creep aside, I’ve only have 2 or 3 people ask if red is my natural color. It’s just so obvious that it is: with fair, freckled skin and blonde eyebrows & lashes, what other color would I have naturally? Even most blondes have darker eyebrows and eyelashes.
The question that annoys the hell out of me, though is “Do both your parents have red hair?” No, no they don’t. A lot of redheads don’t find other redheads attractive - which is the thing I find most implausible about Harry Potter, ftr. Why? Because people who ask the first question are the same ones that want to know if any other redhead within a ten mile radius is your sibling. It’s hard to find something sexy about someone people assume you’re related to, you know?
I once had a roommate with really attractive red hair. I witnessed the above questions being put to her on several occasions. I can’t seem to remember how she responded, just my own open-mouthed wonder. (I wondered how she kept from gouging out their eyes.)
I have also had people insist that I wear green contact lenses, because “Your eyes are really green!” Well yeah, but they only get really green when I’m upset or angry. Guess which emotion you have evoked? (Hint; it ain’t upset)
Or, my friend who has a daughter with spina bifida. “What’s wrong with your daughter? Can’t she walk?” Yes, she just enjoys the attention of thought-impaired folks whilst she is shopping for her special birthday present.
And lest you think I have only bad stories to relate, for every supreme butt-munch I have met, I have met an equal number of really sweet, thoughtful people. (of course I can’t seem to remember a cite just now…)
You could look on the bright side, I guess. It must look pretty nice and natural or they wouldn’t ask. Maybe they’re asking because they want to know what you use if it isn’t natural? Or they’re flat out ignorant.
First off, please understand that I have thick, coarse, curly, dark hair in a land full of thin, fine, straight, pale hair types. Even if I can out-pale most of 'em in the skin department, my hair is bound to attract attention. And I do not mind at all when women ask me who perms my hair. Honest. I take it as a compliment, I believe it was intended as such.
But those who start arguing with me when I tell 'em it’s natural? Those folks I just want to strangle sometimes.
Okay … this is really enlightening for me, because while I haven’t met many redheads yet, I wouldn’t think it rude to ask in casual conversation whether it’s her real hair color if I meet somebody who has a very brilliant colour. Just trying to make small-talk, not to insult. But if it’s considered rude and bothersome, I will have to remember that. I’m also often unsure whether I should compliment strangers or semi-strangers (casual acquaintances) on good looks/nice clothes etc., or if this is already intruding/weird.
As for people asking you about anorexia - while I think it is rude coming from strangers, I guess I can understand a tiny bit the reason behind it - people have become aware that anorexia and bulemia are dangerous for young girls, and they think it’s better to ask a question and get involved, than turn a blind eye.
I guess in the end it all comes down to how and who and why the question is asked - idle curiousity without thinking, or genuine empathy? (Kind of like the crucial scene in Parzival - the rules say it’s impolite to ask too many questions, so Parcival follows the rule, instead of his heart, and doesn’t ask what the Fisher king is ailing from, and so he is judged to be hard-hearted and not compassionate enough, and has to go a long quest before he can solve the curse.)
I think that’s it… I constantly had people asking if my auburn color was natural back when I dyed my hair, which I guess was a compliment. When I admitted it wasn’t, they wanted to know the exact formula I used to color it. I once wrote it out for an acquaintance! (I was using a custom mix of colors at the time.)
I have an example of people being rude. I have dark blonde, almost brown hair. At my left temple and going down behind my left ear I have a really blonde, almost white streak. It also includes the lateral half of my eyebrow and all of the eyelashes on my left eye.
I’ve had a couple very rude guys come up to me and ask “Wow, is that natural?” followed by “Does it go all the way? wink wink” WTF? First of all, that’s none of your business. Second, Do you really think I’d answer that question? Uugh!
I also had a girl in high school accuse me of bleaching it just for attention. Yeah, I like dipping half my face in bleach! It’s fun! :rolleyes:
On the other hand I have had many wonderful people, very nicely compliment me on it. It is usually preceded by asking if it’s real though. It’s not like it looks like I’ve got high lights, it’s only one spot on one side of my head. Shrug.
I get told I look tired fairly often. Or asked if I am tired, or if I feel well, stuff like that. Dark circles under the eyes runs in my mom’s family, and I’ve got them. While I do conceal them a bit with make-up, they’re still pretty visible. My husband loves them, which is very nice, but nothing can take the srping out of your step like a stranger or co-worker basically saying you look like you haven’t slept in a week. Thanks!
As I get older I find that people no longer ask whether my hair color is natural. I think they assume it is not.
However I do get a lot of variations on “my, you are short”. I am indeed short. I am a hair under five feet tall (I am 150 centimeters, those of you in Europe, which means that since I moved to Holland I wear a child’s size in clothing).
So are people thinking I just hadn’t noticed yet? I mean, I don’t mind a spontaneous blurt now and again, I am indeed quite small. But it really isn’t necessary to go on and on about it. It isn’t even that interesting.
Another redhead checking in. I get this question a lot but it doesn’t bother me anymore (did a lot more when I was a very shy child). I know they ask because I really do have a beautiful hair color (I’m insecure about every single other feature but, dang it, I have nice hair nice hair ) so it’s a compliment. I actually had a woman ask me where I got my hair colored and she was so disappointed when I told her it was natural. And unless I get a leer with the question, guys asking me doesn’t bug me either. ('course, I’m not as cute as CarlyJay so I don’t get leered at often)
I’m pale too and one of my team mates actually gave me a bottle of self tanner. :smack: He was so disappointed that I didn’t want to slather weird brown stuff all over my skin. :dubious: But, it didn’t piss me off, he’s kinda a weird guy and I truly think he thought he was being helpful…
I have an abundance of red, wavy hair with a few strands of grey in it. You’d think the presence of those grey hairs would be a clue that my hair isn’t fake, but people still ask rude questions. In addition to being asked “Is that your natural color?” I often get “Is that a perm?” and even “Is that a wig?”
Worse still, in my view, is the question “Are your boobs real?”
I have had many of them (rude questions or sentences)
Examples :
I have natural very curled hair. I’ve never liked them, but it’s not so easy to have straight hair, you have to do a “brushing” each time you wash them… Well anyway, I’ve had them straightened, and when I came back to work, one of my coworker said : “What have you done to your hair ??” with a really pityful tone… WTF ?!!
Other thing : many many times I’ve been asked : “How are you ?” in the morning, and when I was answering " Fine thanx", they would told me : “Well, you look tired” (!!!)
Another one, and this one I didn’t like at all : one day we had to leave the building for an exercise (in case of fire). I didn’t succeed in pushing the door because I pushed the wrong way, not where you should push, and one of my coworkers said : “Hey, you should eat more !”. Well I’m thin, yes, but I DO eat, and that’s not my fault if I’m not so big ! And you say this but you don’t make a move to try to push the door ! Maybe you wouldn’t have succeeded either…! And in front of the firemen who asked if there hadn’t been any problem, she said we had a “twig” in our offices so that was why we had a problem… I never told her “fat ass” or anything so I would have much prefered she didn’t say anything
Its common in adoptive circles to be asked whether your kids are real siblings and if you (their mother) know anything about their real mom.
People want to use the word real to mean “does this fit my preconcieved notions” without recognizing that the opposite of “real” is “fake.”
(The answer to the jewelry question is always “of course.” Followed quickly by, I love your shoes, where did you get them" to cut off the follow up question.)
) so it’s a compliment. I actually had a woman ask me where I got my hair colored and she was so disappointed when I told her it was natural. And unless I get a leer with the question, guys asking me doesn’t bug me either. ('course, I’m not as cute as CarlyJay so I don’t get leered at often)
