We had a kit for that built into the crucifix in the hall
The one in our hall was primarily intended for emergency Extreme Unctions, IIRC.
But, yeah, there was some Holy Water too, in case there was some doubt as to whether the victim was baptized.
We also had a smoke generator that was supposed to go off if a non-baptized person ever crossed our threshold, but that never worked properly. I think that at the factory, they had it calibrated for “rabbits” and neglected to change it to “humans” after it passed through Quality Assurance.
You don’t actually need a kit for baptism. All that’s needed is water, words to the effect of “I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit”, and a sincere intention to baptize. There aren’t even any requirements on who can do it: By the Law of the Church, even an atheist can perform a valid baptism, if those elements are met.
As an aside, I was actually baptized in the bathroom sink, by my parents, in the middle of the night with nobody else present (well, my sister was in the next room, but I’m pretty sure she slept through it).
To be fair (to Corsi and to the Russians) abiogenesis is possibly a cause of some of the oil we’ve found. But only some. The vast majority is almost certainly the result of cooking dead plankton.
Not that it makes him any more sane.
I suppose this is a part of that eternal conflict between Gadget Guys and Real Men.
“You don’t need that tool.”
“No, but I bought it and may never again have a chance to use it.”
We had holy water and oil for anointing the dying. I checked and the holy water had dried up but it left behind some crust. I wondered if the crust retained the magic holiness and if I added plain water it would be suddenly blessed. I concluded it did, which is why homeopathy appeals to people who think like third-graders.
IIRC, by the end of eighth grade I had been trained to, in case of emergency, perform every sacrament except Matrimony and Holy Orders. I knew some older girls who had to get married right away, but not so soon that they couldn’t wait for a priest.
For some reason, the pope not being a colossal douchebag really has some christians up in arms. To wit: “I will pray Pope Francis goes to heaven soon”. I don’t know what is wrong with these people. And then when I say the same to him, I’m suddenly the bad guy…
Just think: if you had been trained in Emergency Holy Orders, you’d have been golden if they did need Matrimony that quick…
Technically, the priest doesn’t administer the sacrament of matrimony to the bride and groom. They administer it to each other in his presence. Of course, I’m pretty sure if they try to do it without him, like Tony and Maria in West Side Story, it’s not kosher, so to speak. And he needs to be there as a witness and representative of the county, city, state, whatever.
Now, now, now; there’s no need for a bodily assault on Corsi. Having him set up a card table of financial records at the local church and performing a bit of Biblical re-enactment will do just fine.
If he’s not Catholic, is he at least still going to wear the funny hat? I’m not sure I can bear to have all of my religion-based rhetorical questions ripped from me at once.
Pope Yogi has always been my favorite Pope. His reasonings for the use of Charmin are divinely inspired.
You were able to take confessions as an 8th grader? Sweet.
Fourth, bro. Part of the whole Extreme Unction package.
Especially the part where you get to assign penance. 
This is a great opportunity for the Tea Party. They can declare themselves a religion, buy some financially strapped Catholic churches and drag Benny the Many out of retirement to watch over all that is right and noble. When they determine that with Benny everything is legit they will attract all the misogynistic, homophobic and bigoted “real” Catholics out there.
Wouldn’t work. The Teahadists know that them there Cath-licks are almost as bad as Jews. American Jebus doesn’t want either type in God’s Own Party.
Isn’t this the same guy who went to Kenya just before the 2008 election to “prove” Obama was born there, and then wound up getting arrested and deported?
You make a good point. However, with that bunch the opportunity to screw ignorant people for a buck and have them act against their own best interests outweighs everything. There’s a lot of money in religion. Ever hear of Scientology?
In order to prevent wedgies we were told that, in cases where everything had gone tits up so we had to be filling in for priests, we were to assume that the penitent was making a sincere confession before God and he and God could work out the details later. Since we were strictly confessors of last resort he and God were probably going to work that out sooner than later. That’s why chastening them to “go and sin no more” was more pro forma than it was necessary.
They never did train us in the rite of Exorcism, though I saw it in Latin. 60 Minutes did a segment about some Nonconformists performing exorcisms up in the hills of Tennessee or somewhere and even they used the Roman Catholic, Latin rite. I suppose since the Great Satan in Rome and the minions of the Whore of Babylon speak Latin, that’s what other demons speak, too.