Originally it’s racist/classist/whateverist, but it also has a grain of truth.
Having things in common is helpful for the marriage, specially if you’re looking for stability and a good provider/childrearer - not for fireworks.
Just look at the threads on online dating or at the dating reality shows. Will the thin, leggy, not-so-intelligent model pick the chubby engineer or the tall, muscular, not-so-intelligent model? Right.
What’s important is to keep in mind the grain of truth, that to be equal partners it’s good to start off as equal as possible, but also remember that the “common points” may go beyond the obvious “race, color, income, religion”. I’m an engineer and have easier conversations with engineers or mechanics (tech HS in Spain) than with sociologists or lawyers; the mechanic’s educational level is lower than mine but his mindset is more similar to mine than the lawyer’s.
You know, my girl instinct tells me, too, that when a family is trying to uphold two cultures at once, both cultures end up getting “Disney-fied.” Each of the two adults remain essentially what they were and try to adapt to the other’s needs, but if children come along then it would be all too easy for it all to become a sort of pantomime. Not that a lot of major holidays aren’t just pantomimes even when the parents come from the same background (now we are putting up the tree–now we are hanging the stockings–now we are going to Midnight Mass–now we go to bed and the morning there will be presents!), but I am talking about the mindset and the subconscious expectations of the culture. The children will be exposed to the conflicting assumptions and will end up with a mish-mash that doesn’t preserve the spirit of either.
But, as I said in my first post, while it is sad on a global level when cultures get diluted out of existence, on the individual level I don’t think that two people in love should choose not to marry because of this.
My parents are both from Spain, but from different cultures. The only hint of this I saw is that Mom didn’t make an active effort to teach us kids Catalan until we expressed an interest in learning it. I didn’t learn Basque from Dad - but that’s because Dad never learned it in the first place; I did learn Catalan from Mom - who hey, happens to speak Catalan (I can write it, while she can’t). I grew up in Navarra and that’s the culture I identify with, it happens to be Dad’s culture but that’s a coincidence; if I’d grown up in Kansas, then I’d be American.
I met a Spaniard in New Jersey who had been living in the US since he was 7. His wife was Cuban, his daughters were American; he was a Spaniard and would always be.
I vaguely recall reading something a while back that genetic mixing is also of great physiological benefit, improving health generally and immune response in particular. I hope I’m not misremembering, because that means I’ll have to spend some time razoring the “let’s all fuck ourselves beige” bumper sticker off my car.
The black women that I have spoken to about interracial relationships always tell me that they feel insulted and neglected when educated black men date and marry white women. This stems from feeelings that “a good black man is hard to find”. The problem is that black women feel as if they cannot possibly compete. Most well educated black men go to predominantly white universities. The result is that their dating pool is populated by a majority of whites. If these men also attended mostly white high schools then they may have already developed a preference for white women. They also see it as setting an example for younger blacks that a white wife equals success.
I have always felt that it should not make a difference, but after having several conversations with my mother and talking with my friends, I have found that whether or not it should make a difference is irrelevant because it still matters to a lot of people. My mother never said that she would disown me or anything but I could always tell that she would not be ecstatic to see me bring home a white daughter-in-law.
