Are You Involved In An Interracial Relationship?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I was just thinking about just how uncommon interracial couples are here in the U.S. If you were to randomly assign people here to other American partners, well over 40% of the resulting pairings would be considered ‘interracial.’ But the actual incidence of interracial couples is only about 4%, less than one-tenth of what would be seen in a truly colorblind society.

I have the following questions for those of you who have a S.O. who is of a race other than their own:

  1. What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

  2. How is everything going?

  3. Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

  4. Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

  5. How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

  6. Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

  7. Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

  8. Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

Thanks.

2

  1. WM/AM (probably not what you were looking for, but you did say “relationship”)

  2. Pretty well, thanks for asking.

  3. Communication can be dodgy at times; this can actually be a good thing (though not usually). My SO’s first language is Japanese; English comes in a very distant 2nd. My Japanese is not as good as his English.

  4. Definite preference on both sides.

  5. Not to our faces, at any rate. His sister also married an American.

  6. Not to our faces, at any rate. They may assume I’m a rice queen*, but since he is actually older than me, our relationship does not appear exploitive to those who might be so foolish as to make those kinds of judgments about other people’s relationships.

  7. Well, I’m going to have to say N/A on this one.

  8. We’ve been together over 13 years.

*In case this term is new to you, it is a caucasian gay man who prefers Asian men; often (though not always) in an economically unequal relationship with someone much younger.

3

1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

I’m a white male; wife is Japanese woman.

2) How is everything going?

Well.

3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

Cultural differences are the only thing that matter; race/ethnicity itself means nothing.

4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

I think the cultural differences were attractive to us both: Male more masculine and dominant than typical Japanese guy, woman more feminine that typical American woman. Race itself, again, didn’t mean anything.

5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

Had problems at first on the Japanese side with the “international relationship.” I think this had more to do with age than anything else, even though we wanted to get married at age 25/24. Ended up happening at 29/28, which is the “norm” now in Japan.

6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

I’ve had people think I’ve got a “thing” for Asian women. Not really the case. But toward our relationship now, no, nothing.

7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

We have a baby girl now. No, I don’t think there will be any issue, either here or in Japan.

8) Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

When you are with a person a lot, s/he doesn’t seem to be of a “different” race at all. S/he is just that person.

4

  1. WM/AF. I’m the white one. Long-term dating.

  2. Very well. No problems outside the typical relationship problems, like me learning what not to say at any given time through a process of elimination.

  3. Not at all. Our races haven’t really mattered. What has mattered more has been our socio-economic backgrounds. She grew up in Beverly Hills and Pacific Palisades, CA. I grew up in a trailer park. Race, however, has not been a factor.
    However, since she’s Chinese, crappy Chinese food will no longer cut it. We’re on a hunt for the most “authentic” Chinese food we can find. Slim pickings in central Indiana, though.

  4. She definitely doesn’t. The last guy she was with was Thai and before that it was an Indian guy.
    For me, my personal predilictions in females tend towards non-whites in general. Anything under that broad category: Asian, Hispanic, Black…Italian. I’m just not really into fellow crackers.

  5. Her family is more urbane than mine, and they probably didn’t even think about it. My family probably did, being as it’s populated with bigoted rednecks, but they haven’t said anything. My brother will crack wise occasionally, but I threaten him and he stops. He’s just an ass generally, though.
    A couple of months ago, my dad asked my gf to take off her sunglasses and pose for a picture. She complied and he exclaimed: “Oh…my…god! She’s Chinese!” Neither Ginger (my gf) or I could stop laughing.

  6. Some people may stereotype and think “oh, white guy with an asian girl. He’s bossy and she’s submissive.” I’m jokey bossy. I’ll say “woman! Get me some coffee.” But I won’t get coffee. She’s definitely the boss in the relationship, which is fine; 80% of the time, she’s right about everything.

  7. I don’t think so. I just hope that, if we have kids, we don’t have any girls cause they’re going to be Asiatic looking with red hair. So many teenage male asses to kick when she starts dating…that sort of thing.

  8. Some people have asked me how a goofy, lanky guy like myself could get such an attractive and hot girlfriend. The answer is simple: meet them in Paris; it’s the most romantic city in the world. We’re going back in March.

5

That’s interesting. Japan doesn’t distinguish by race, only by ‘Japanese’ or ‘not-Japanese’, but the most recent rate of international marriage here is 5% of all 2003 marriages (mostly Japanese male / Chinese female). Anyway…

1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)? WM/AF

2) How is everything going? Pretty well. The first few years (we’ve been together now for eight) were rocky, but things since have been very smooth. Haven’t had any bumps related to ethnicity.

3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one?? Language was a hurdle to overcome, but ethnicity not so much. Most of our disagreements stem from our own personalities rather than our cultures.

4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own? I think we both did. I’m more attracted to Asian women in general (and all my girlfriends since coming to Japan had been Japanese), while she’d been dating foreign guys since college.

5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition?? None. My family really likes her and her family likes me. Most of my girlfriends had been of other races (black/Indian/east Asian) and my parents have always been cool with it. Her parents were probably used to it by the time she met me. Her mom lives with us now and we get along great.

6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)? Other Japanese people assume that my wife is fluent in English (she insists she’s not). She also got a few comments about ‘anatomical compatibility’ from some of the older guys at her former company (the company president from the Pokemon episode of South Park? A significant number of Japanese guys actually behave like that, especially after a couple of drinks.)

7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’? (no kids yet) Possibly some prejudice, but so far everyone in our neighborhood seems pretty friendly.

6

  1. What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?
    **CM/WF (Coloured Male/ White Female)
    **

  2. How is everything going?
    Peachy

  3. Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship?
    Nope, culturally we’re identical. At first, my giant nonwhite penis was a bit much for her poor white vagina, but she’s adjusted.*

  4. Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?
    Just Happened (met at Varsity) - My previous girlfriends had been Coloured, Indian and White.

  5. How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??
    Everything’s OK, no opposition voiced.

  6. Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?
    **Not Really - it’s on the rise in our society, and we’re of the generation it’s on the rise in.
    **

  7. Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?
    Well, only having 1/2 my natural protection, she’ll be at some disadvantage in our harsh African sun, but I don’t think that’s what you meant. Other than that, no.

  8. Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?
    I don’t know how enlightening my situation will be to you - here, Whites are not the majority, so the demographics of interracial relationships are skewed. Also, Coloureds are their own demographic, which complicates matters compared to US situation.

*This is sarcasm.

7

1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

Your acronyms cause me great distress. I choose Option C: White Male Me/Mexican Female Her.

2) How is everything going?

Really, really fast. I’m enjoying it, but it’s dizzying. Nothing to do with race, though.

Language can be difficult at times, especially over the phone. Like in Roderick Femm’s relationship, her English is better than my Spanish. We can usually get whatever point we need to make across in some combination of the two languages.

I’m not sure if this is what Rod (heh) meant by “this can actually be a good thing”: for me, a great side effect of the language barrier is that neither of us feels pressured to choose exactly the right word so as not to step on feelings etc. We’re happy to get any word that has something recognizably close to the intended meaning. We’re both going to school for each other’s languages, so this will probably change over time. But it actually makes things easier, in a way, not to have to worry about saying the wrong thing. I mean, if one of us chooses the wrong word in the other language, the other will understand and we’ll probably look it up in a Spanish-English dictionary.

3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

Er, sort of. I hesitate to bring her home to the rents. They’re not racists; my mom doesn’t give a hoot as long as I’m getting female attention, and my dad is happy that I’m getting a lot of practice with my Spanish. But, well, they both grew up as white Midwesterners in a bygone era, and they’ve got particular ideas about the workings of life. It’s hard to explain, because I know they won’t hate her and I know they won’t be rude to her either, or even think intentionally harmful things about her. But she’s really, really nervous about meeting them, and honestly I can’t blame her. I don’t know how long it will be before they meet.

I’ve already met a lot of her local family. They’re wonderful, funny people, and almost all are better at English than I am at Spanish. A couple are hard to follow, but I’m working on it. Anyway, I think I made a pretty good impression.

4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

I don’t know about her. I usually have racial preferences, which shift around and change places gradually throughout my life. Hers has always been up there; I think her skin tone and hair, both ‘highly ethnic’ qualities in her, are godly and a half.

5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

Well, I sort of answered that question above, but I’ll expound upon it.

My parents don’t have a problem with it, but I think they’d rather I bring home a nice Jewish girl. Neither has met her yet, knows what she looks like, etc. My mom just started pronouncing her name correctly and can’t stop asking me questions about her.

It came up in the matter of conversation with my aunt in Utah that I was dating a Mexican girl. She politely said something to the effect of “Oh, that’s interesting/surprising” but the look on her face told me she would probably be praying for me to escape my Evil Abomination Job-Stealing Foreigner Girlfriend. I couldn’t give half a flip, though.

Most of her family seemed to take kindly to me when I met a lot of them on New Year’s Eve. Her youngest brother is dating a white girl and her sister married an Iraqi man, so there’s precedent.

6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

If/when we marry, I think that will be the case, and I think it shall prove to be a complicated/complicating issue for a variety of reasons. We’re not married, though, and really we only ever hang out with two like-minded mutual friends so they’re not likely to think those things about us.

7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

The two of us are hotter than hell; the children will be utterly gorgeous. IME, prejudices aside, a lot of people find mixed-race people more beautiful on average. Scientific American ran an article several years ago that showed that the scientifically-derived universally appealing female face was of mixed race.

Good-looking people get the long end of the stick 9 times out of 10 if you ask me. Our kids are destined to be real lookers IMO, so I’m not worried.

But prejudice has a way of striking anywhere at any time, especially among kids. I think I’ll want to get them to learn some kind of self-defense as early as practically possible. This isn’t something we’ve discussed, though.

8) Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

Yeah. We don’t really get stares or anything, and we’ve never gotten comments, even the drive-by kind. Part of that is that we haven’t been going out long enough that we would’ve run the gamut of experiences of interracial couples, but I think another significant part is where we live (San Diego). People are pretty accepting of just about any lifestyle choice you can make here. A lot of things that would really turn heads in a lot of other places, wouldn’t elicit passing curiosity in this region of the country.

8

  1. What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)? WM/AF

  2. How is everything going?married 10+ years

  3. Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??It’s a plus. The cultural differences are a major plus

  4. Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?I have an attraction to Asian women, spouse didn’t care

  5. How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition?? Nope.

  6. Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)? Occaisionally

  7. Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’? They are incredibly cute and multilingual. They will no doubt suffer bouts of racism owing to AmerAsian blood instead of all white or all Asian

9

I’m curious. In Shanghai, what assumptions do people make about your relationship?

10

1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

He’s black, I’m white.

2) How is everything going?

Groovy.

3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

As others have said, it’s more of a cultural thing. He was born and raised in Africa. This leads to lots of fun battles, like the North American punctuality thing vs the African time-is-flexible thing.

4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

Hey, face it, black guys are just hot. Especially my husband. I mostly dated white guys before him, and he dated both (black ones in Africa, white ones in England).

5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

My family is totally cool with it. I haven’t met his family yet, but I think it may be an issue for them. Once his mom told him to stay away from white women because we’re so high-maintenance. Being black Africans they have ideas about white people that I don’t exactly match. Once they meet me I expect it will all become clear.

6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

I married him so that we could be together: if we weren’t married, he wouldn’t be in Canada. If this wasn’t the case I would have preferred to just shack up. I sometimes think people (particularly other Africans) initially think he married me just for the papers. But it’s been four years now so if he was going to leave me once he became official, he would have done it already!

7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

No, as others have said, I think they would be particularly hot because of it.

(One of our friends wrote a letter to the immigration people about how she knew us when we were dating, she mentioned that she looked forward to us getting married and having “beautiful mixed-race children.” LOL)

I do hope they get my academic skills and his athletic ability, though: if it’s the other way around, they’ll be screwed.

8) Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

A surprisingly large number of our good friends are in the same configuration as us: white woman, black man. I don’t know why this is.

11

1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

I’m an E. Indian female, he’s a Chinese male, bothof us are Americans, though.

2) How is everything going?

Very well. We have our issues, but they’re not with each other.

3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

Well, there have been hurdles. Every relationship has hurdles. But we make accomodations.

4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

Other than the fact that I find Asian men sexy, no. It just happened.

  1. How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

My mother grudgingly accepts it but still hints that I could still marry an Indian male anytime. The rest of my family is OK with it, the people in India are a bit :confused: but very nice about it.
His is perfectly cool with it. I am by no means the first “outsider” to enter the family. Even the generation before me has a Muslim marriage.

6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

Not at this age, but when I was younger a lot of Indians would assume I was dating him merely to rebel.

7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

Yes. And no. I think they would benefit greatly but also lose the invididual nuances of each culture. But I don’t really have a problem with that as I don’t plan to have any.

8) Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

Yes - I am so glad I didn’t end up with someone of my own race, someone familiar and comfortable as my mother wanted. I have learned so much about a new culture and been exposed to so many fascinating things I never would have learned otherwise. I’m very grateful.

12

1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

He’s white, I’m East Indian, but we’re both British – we were both born and brought up in the UK

2) How is everything going?

Good. Better than good in fact. :smiley:

3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

Not at all.

4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

It happened on its own. Admittedly, I think a lot of E. Indian men seem to be intimidated by me, so even when I was single, they were all quite happy just to be friends.

5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

My immediate family is fine with it, my parents just want me to be happy. My extended family, on the other hand, will probably pitch a fit if we were to try to make our relationship any more official, i.e. get married, because well, “he’s not one of us” :rolleyes:

6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

Not that I’ve felt, but then, to look at us, you’d have to be crazy to think anything like that! Although the SO has had some abuse in the past (from drunken, older Indian men who’re complete strangers) who’ve accused him (in Urdu and Punjabi) of being a “filthy white man, stealing our women”.

7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

If we were to have children, it would depend on the area where we were to bring them up. In major UK cities, I doubt there’d be any problem whatsoever, and in fact, they’d be at an advantage for having a mix of two cultures, however, in a smaller town, I think that they may get harrassed because their mother’s a ‘Paki’.

8) Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

Not really, although it does strike me that its the people who have the least to do with me and the SO, i.e. my extended family, and frankly, perfect strangers, are the ones who think that its acceptable to make comment, stare, and frankly be arses about the fact I’m not dating an Indian (or a British Indian). There are places in Birmingham that I will not go with the SO, because I honestly would fear for his safety, if he were seen holding my hand there. However, in London, I have no such fears…

13

Actually, just realised, that East Indian is a bit misleading, but then, so would West Indian, as that’d imply I have a Carribean background. My family’s from the West of the Indian Sub-continent, just to clarify.

14

1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

She’s Chinese, born in Hong Kong, raised in Canada (mostly in Toronto). I’m Black, born and raised in the U.S. (mostly in Cleveland).

2) How is everything going?

Very well. We’ll be celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary this year :slight_smile:

3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

It can be, depending on how flexible, patient and open-minded the involved are. For our relationship, it has not been a problem.

4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

We’ve both dated members of other ethnicities before we met each other. I wasn’t specifically looking for an Asian female, but she does have a slight preference for black men.

5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

My family is fine with it and treat her like any other member of the family. As far as I can tell, her family accepts me just as well. Her mother may have had some reservations at first but now she treats me like any other member of her family. Actually I think she treats me a little more favorably hehe. No problems whatsoever with siblings and extended family members.

6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

People have looked at us quizzically, it’s unusual to see a black/asian relationship here in Cleveland. In Toronto, we’re just another mixed couple in a sea of mixed relationships of every type imaginable. We have not had any really negative experiences.

7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

No, I don’t feel that they will have any particular advantage or disadvantage due to being mixed.

8) Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

Some of you (especially if you have or are going to have children) might find The Color of Our Future by Farai Chideya to be an interesting read.

15

I’m white, wife Japanese.

Great, so far. However, we’ve been married only 54 years, so have to wait for the final verdict. :slight_smile:

Not at all.

Her family in Japan were unusual, artistic people, had no objections at all. My family were against it, but came around when they met her after we came back to the U.S.

We had three kids, girl and two boys (now in their 50s).They all had some issues in high school and in college, and the girl got counselling, but now all are well adjusted, happy and successful. I think back then it was more rare and people today are more accepting.

16

1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

Black female (me), white male.

2) How is everything going? Nicely.

3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship?

Not really. I sometimes feels like he doesn’t “get” some things that I tend to take for granted. He also has the tendency to become defensive in discussions about white-on-black racism when such defensiveness is not called for, which means I have to choose my words and tone of voice carefully whenever we wade in those particular waters. This is not really a impediment, though, because 99.5% of our relationship deals with much more mundane matters. And he’s gotten a lot better about understanding where I’m coming from, too.

4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

I don’t have a preference; I’ve dated both black and white. He doesn’t have much of a preference, if any, either. He has had experience with a diverse set.

5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

His biological father has a problem with me being black, but he’s such a minor character in my boyfriend’s life that his feelings are utterly irrelevant to us. His adopted folks like me and have never made an issue of our “interracialness”, at least to my face. My parents like my boyfriend and only have nice things to say about him, but knowing them and their perspectives on race matters, I can say with confidence that they’d rather me be with a black guy. It sort of worried me when I first told them that my BF was white because I didn’t want to see any disappointment in their reaction. And just as expected, the disappointment was there, but I dealt with it the best way I could.

As time progresses, I think my boyfriend’s race will matter less and less to them, and it will eventually reach the point that they stop noticing it. As long as they treat him as they would treat any other feller, it won’t be an issue.

6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

I don’t think so. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about what other people think, though. I’m sure there are some folks who think I didn’t look hard enough for a good black guy, but either they keep their thoughts to themselves or I’m just a blind clueless doofus because I don’t know who they are.

7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

No. I will take care to make sure they know who they are, but I also want them to know they are they are not special just because of their parentage. “Mixed” babies are no more beautiful than any other babies, and I would prefer that my kids not go around thinking they are hot stuff just because they are “mixed”. I don’t want them to get the idea that they are better than anyone by dint of race, even if race in their case means mixed race.

17

Interesting questions. OK:

1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

I’m black, she’s half white, half Mexican.

2) How is everything going?

We’re on the virge of our seventh anniversary, and things have been going pretty well.

3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

I honestly can’t think of any way that our varying ethnicities have posed a problem for either of us, other than the fact that she isn’t particularly interested in the concept of chitterlings, and I have only had chorizo once in my life.

4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

I think the only black guys she might have a specific thing for is ones with light eyes, just for the contrast. I don’t believe she has a thing for any specific ethnicity. As for me, I’ve encountered beautiful women of all shades of skin – she just happened to be the one that had the personality to match.

5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

My father-in-law has an aunt in another part of the country that he visits from time to time. I’m told that the first time he showed her a picture of my wife and me, she very hopefully asked if maybe I was a dark Latino. Apparently, she was…disappointed…to hear that I was, in fact, black. My FIL says she’s just older and doesn’t really see things the way the rest of us do. I’ve never met the woman.

As for any family members that have any actual presence in our lives, no, there isn’t anyone who has even the hint of an issue. We are both very fortunate in that we get along swimmingly with our in-laws to an extent that other couples seemed to be surprised. I consider myself lucky.

6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

I think people have the assumption that I have a thing for white women. My mom used to actually think that I didn’t date enough black women when I was younger. But anybody that knows us would have any doubt about our motivation for being together.

7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

I think that becomes less and less of an issue with each passing generation, and I hope it progress in that direction. I don’t imagine our kids would have much of an issue, if any issue at all, were we to have progeny.

8) Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

Living in Southern California, I think we’ve been sheltered from a lot of the uncomfortableness and even difficulties that other mixed couples might deal with in other parts of the country. I work with at least four other people in my office who are involved in interracial relationships. It’s definitely not something I give thought to on a daily basis.

However, I can recall when we were talking to other people about driving across the country just for a fun road trip vacation. People with real-life experience warned us about driving through certain parts of the south together. This is not to say that everyone in Arkansas, Mississippi and Alabama is a racist – not by a long shot. If I look hard enough, I can encounter racism here at home. But my understanding is that the percentage of bad apples is a little higher in certain rural areas of those states, and it only takes one to ruin your day. It’s sad to me that we’d even have to consider something like that, and I’m glad we don’t encounter problems together here.

Then again, we socialize in a circle – including gay and lesbian singles and couples, a juggler, a contortionist, lawyers and other strange folks – that takes plenty of attention off of our own oddity. :slight_smile:

18

It’s not really relevant, but I couldn’t help but notice the combinations that you listed (WM/BF, AM/WF). In both cases, the opposite combinations (BM/WF, WM/AF) are many times more common. This is especially true of the latter.

19

Watch out for those recessive genes… :wink:

20
  1. What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

WM/BF

  1. How is everything going?

Fine. We’ve been together 13 years, married for 7, two kids

  1. Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

No. I think our differences actually helped.

  1. Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

It just happened on it’s own.

  1. How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

I think my mom was a little freaked out at first but she came around. Generally my family was happy I found someone to settle down with, period.

  1. Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

I’m usually clueless about what other people think unless they do something. Some people tend to stare at us no matter where we are, and not always with benign curiosity, and that can bug us.

  1. Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

Overall, no, but I’m sure they’ll go through things as they grow up that we never thought of or (obviously) never experienced ourselves.