Tell us about your "interracial" relationships

In My Humble Opinion
1

Hi. I’m married to a Japanese woman–4 years now. I have some questions about your “interracial” relationships. Why don’t you answer them and see what we learn? I’ll answer them too.

  1. Gay or straight?

Straight.

  1. What “races”?

I’m white, she’s East Asian.

  1. Where have you been together?

All over Japan plus Indiana and the East Coast.

  1. Do people ever look at you funny or give you a negative look or vibe?

I have never had a problem with this. Sometimes it seems that people are looking, maybe a little, but I’ve never gotten an outright nasty look. And when people look, a rare thing to begin with, you never know the reason (checking me out? checking her out? wow, an interracial couple?), so I always feel that people aren’t really looking at all.

It’s unusual in Japan for my wife to be married to a foreigner, but when I meet her friends or her mom’s friends, the reaction is always one of mild and pleasant surprise.

However, my female sansei (3rd-generation Japanese American) friend married a white guy, and she said she got all kinds of nasty looks on their honeymoon to Australia. Maybe people are racist there. But I have been all over podunk Indiana with her and have never gotten the merest funny look, so YMMV.

  1. Do you perceive your s.o. to be of a different “race”?

I do and I don’t. To me it’s more of wonder at the fact that two people from so far away have gotten it together like this. It’s not so much a race thing as a culture thing. But sometimes I think “interracial marriage” or relationship, and the term does not seem to apply. What two races? I think.

Leads me to think that the concept of race really doesn’t mean that much. More and more in the US, too, you are seeing white-and-black relationships. Perhaps some of our stupid ideas are slowly dissolving. Tell me what you think.

2

Straight.

I’m Caucasian, she’s Chinese.

We live in Ohio, and have traveled to New Zealand and Singapore.

Occasionally we’ll get a “funny” stare.

I’ve had the same experience. No one has ever “said” anything, but a lot of people pause when they first meet my wife. My guess is that they’re simply thinking, “Oh, wow. You have an Asian wife.” And that’s it.

My in-laws are difficult to read. They’ve always been nice to me, but I think they’re turned off by my “independent attitude.”

I’m not sure if “race” is the correct term here. It’s my understanding that all humans are the same race. Perhaps you mean ethnicity. At any rate, I’m not sure how to answer this question. Is she of different ethnic background? Sure.

Well, seeing how I married a Chinese girl, it goes without saying that I don’t have a problem with it.

3

That’s why I have “interracial” in quotes.

Now, what do you mean by “ethnic background”? Do you mean the “looks” part, the “culture” part, both?

The “looks” part is what people quite commonly term “race”–whether it should be that way or not being a different matter entirely.

4

I’m divorced, but figured I’d throw in my answers anyway.

  1. Gay or straight?

Straight.

  1. What “races”?

I’m your basic American mutt, throw a dart at Western Europe and I’ve got an ancestor from there. No identifiable ethnicity in my family, really. He was American Indian and Mexican, 4th generation American on one side, 2nd generation American on the other.

  1. Where have you been together?

We didn’t travel much, or far, Michigan, Ohio and parts of Ontario.

  1. Do people ever look at you funny or give you a negative look or vibe?

Nothing when we were just kids dating, after we were married random strangers rarely acted weird, although I had my share of stupid questions to answer from acquaintances. “Is he a sand nigger?” “He ain’t black/arabic/Mexican, is he?” Unfortunatly, my area of SouthEastern Michigan has a long history of transplanted hillbillies from the south, along with some of the more odious aspects of typical ‘southern’ behaviors.

For non-negative but just weird, I used to get a lot of random women complimenting our baby specifically because he was mixed race. “Ohh, good for you! Mixed babies are sure the prettiest things, aren’t they?”

  1. Do you perceive your s.o. to be of a different “race”?

Ok, dork confession time, I didn’t realize my ex was a different anything until I met his entire extended family at a graduation party, about six months after we’d been dating. We were friends first, I’d simply not thought about any possible ethnic differences, I had met his mother and knew she had a trace accent but somehow didn’t connect that with anything.
Huge DUH moment when we’re sitting with the entire clan at this big family-fest, and I suddenly have this ‘oh’ moment, and asked him about his ethnicity. I guess I just presumed he was tanned. It wasn’t until I looked around and noticed everyone had the same dark skin, dark hair, almondy dark brown eyes and high cheekbones…my family looks like a grab bag of everything when assembled in a group. They still tease me about that, a decade later.

Even so, I’ve never thought of him as anything but an individual, there’s no “oh, well they are like that” type thoughts or whatever.

For contrast, at the same time I was dating/marrying my ex, my sister was dating a black guy. Our family and associated circle were far more interested in that situation than my own. In fact, I used to bug the older relatives by shoving it in their faces sorta, asking why my beige guy was okay but her darker brown fella wasn’t, forcing them to try and justify their own racism. Ahh, them were fun days. :smiley:

5

  1. Gay or straight?
    Straight.

  2. What “races”?
    I’m a white American Euro-mutt, and my wife is Japanese.

Come to think of it, all my relationships have been interracial. The two women I dated through college (not at the same time) were Jamaican and Chinese, and after that I moved to Japan. Guess I’m a xenophile.

  1. Where have you been together?
    Several different regions of Japan (maybe some looks, but I didn’t notice), as well as Saipan (nobody seemed to care), Taiwan (ditto), and France (in Paris, mixed couples almost looked like the norm, so we got zero notice). She and her mom have been to America to visit my folks, but we’ve never been there together.
  2. Do people ever look at you funny or give you a negative look or vibe?
    Occasionally, but nothing that bothers me. The only time we ever got any flak was from a realtor in suburban Tokyo who said straight out that he didn’t want foreigners moving into the neighborhood, and that my wife (gf at the time) was a stupid farm girl for thinking she could bring one of “us” here.

A couple of my past girlfriends have kept me a secret from their parents (one, I think, was dating me to piss her parents off), but one’s mom made a sushi dinner for me to thank me for sleeping with her daughter (the daughter in question was in her late 30’s and still living at home, so I think mom was getting desperate enough that she wouldn’t have cared if I were E.T.)

My wife’s family and I get along great.

  1. Do you perceive your s.o. to be of a different “race”?

Well, she’s “different,” that’s for sure. But no, not really. I think this is mainly from my feeling that I’ve assimilated into her culture (I know I probably haven’t).

6

  1. Gay or straight?
    Straight.

  2. What “races”?
    I’m a caucasian mutt He was Indonesian/Chinese. (this was several years ago, I was with him a year)

  3. Where have you been together?
    Parts of the east coast.

  4. Do people ever look at you funny or give you a negative look or vibe?
    Occasionally some folks would stare. Once while we were walking out of a mall, some people standing around w/ skinhead tattoos gave us some real nasty looks.
    I don’t think his father approved of me 100%… his mom was just happy he found someone.

  5. Do you perceive your s.o. to be of a different “race”?
    Well, there were some cultural differences. Then there was that he and his folks were rich, and I wasn’t… It made me feel kind of awkward on occasion.

7

1-Straight of Gay
Straight

2-Races
I’m the standard American mutt, like others in the thread. He’s 1/4 Black, 1/4 Mexican, 1/4 Piute, and 1/4 white. Depending on the person looking at him, he’s either considered black or hispanic.

3)Where have you been together?
Northern Utah, Las Vegas, Northern CA, and So Cal.

4)Funny looks?

In So Cal, nobody even blinks an eye or says a word. In Nor Cal it was almost the same reaction. Mostly people didn’t notice or care. In Utah though…well, he was the only “dark” person where I lived. And he’s about 6’4. So he’s very, very noticeable. I’m short and very very white. So that right there would garner funny looks.

of course, my family was worse than any strangers. My uncle said he was ok for a “nigger”, my grandma warned me he just wanted his greencard (he’s 4th generation American) my other grandparents called his family “damn thievin’ indians.” (I was embarassd, he assured me they were…)

All in all, I wouldn’t want to live in Utah again. We just stick out like sore thumbs. So Cal is much more comfortable.

  1. Do you perceive your SO as a different race?

Not at all. The only visible difference is his skin color (which I think is very nice) and as for backgrounds–well, him growing up in So Cal and me in Utah is a bigger deal than what color our skin is.

8
  1. Gay or straight?

Gay

  1. What “races”?

Me – white, English, German

other no white guy relationship guys (had a couple realtionships with white guys too)

  1. Black (together two years)
  2. Black (together two years)
  3. Black (together two years) Kind of a pattern, huh?
  4. Latino – not really a different race imho, but some peoople think so. (together seven years)
  5. Asia (current, together nearly two years)
  6. Where have you been together?

San Francisco, Oakland

  1. Do people ever look at you funny or give you a negative look or vibe?

No. But two adult men in a shopping mall seems to attract attention no matter what the race or ethniity is. And sometimes other interrace couples soometimes size each other up if we are in close vicinity.

  1. Do you perceive your s.o. to be of a different “race”?

Perceive? He is a different race. And when I first met him, I noticed he was Asian. Just like I would notice that someone had red hair. But in a very short amount of time I don’t really see or feel any different about the other guy because of the difference.

But the difference in race has never been an issue. No problems or disagreements have been about being different. No one has ever said, "It’s a [insert word] thing, you wouldn’t understand.

Nothing about it is, or has been, that big a deal.

9

Hit the submit just a little early.

Sometimes friends, aquintances ask why I like, or why I would be in a realtionship with a guy of another race/ethnicity.

A bit of pop culture psycho babble analyzing why the races might mix.

Amusing, really.

10

Straight.

Me - Asian, Her - 100% Italian

Just around the Twin Cities.

Only got a weird look a couple times. Mostly when we were out in Hicksville. I come to expect it when I have to travel thru farmland minnesota. Never had a negative reaction. Then again, I tend not to notice or care what other people think in general.

I rarely ever think of people as being different races. Her and my closest friends are all white. So it rarely comes up. How they perceive me is probably different.

11
  1. Gay or straight?

Straight.

  1. What “races”?

I’m white (Polish), he’s Asian (Korean) - I want to point out also that we’re both first-generation immigrants living in the US, and neither one of us is a US citizen.

  1. Where have you been together?

Around the Northeast, Poland, South Korea, Japan.

  1. Do people ever look at you funny or give you a negative look or vibe?

In Korea there were a few curious stares, but otherwise, no. Not even in Poland, which surprised me.

  1. Do you perceive your s.o. to be of a different “race”?

Not that I consider him to be radically different from me as a person, but I’m always aware that we were raised in different parts of the world, and as a result of that we speak different languages and have differently structured families and circles of friends. I don’t know if that falls under “race”, though, it may just be “nationality”.

12
  1. Gay or straight?

Straight.

  1. What “races”?

I am white (half “urban ethnic”, half Appalachian), she is half Vietnamese and half black.

  1. Where have you been together?

Ohio for many years, San Francisco Bay Area, LA, London, Sicily

  1. Do people ever look at you funny or give you a negative look or vibe?

We get puzzled looks sometimes. It’s usually people trying to figure out my wife’s ethnicity. People will come up to her and start speaking Spanish, Filipino, Portuguese or sundry unidentifiable languages. Never anything overtly negative in 14 years. Americans are polite like that.
5. Do you perceive your s.o. to be of a different “race”?

What do you mean, “perceive”? She is of a different race. But she was raised in an almost totally white small town, so culturally we are very similar.

13

I’m hesitant to contribute to this “white guy/asian girl” trend, and I’ve dated women of other ethnicities, but, well, I’m a white guy and my wife is Korean. Together seven years, married five.

Here in Korea, we get a few looks, but not usually hostile these days. When I first came to Korea ten years ago, it seemed a lot worse. Maybe Koreans were more openly hostile to the idea then, and maybe I just noticed more then. Maybe I just imagined it then. Anyway, people stare some even when I’m alone.

We’ve been quite a few places together. In SE Asia, after we’ve been there a few days and she has a pretty dark tan, she’s often mistaken for a local. This sometimes means she’s assumed to be a local prostitute, and some people look down their noses a bit. There was a tense moment on a bus near the Thailand/Myanmar border, when a soldier with a machine gun stopped the bus and ordered a few random locals to get off the bus to make room for some soldiers who needed a ride. The guy stopped and sneered at my wife for a moment, but didn’t throw her off.

Once in Acapulco, after a New Year’s Eve outing, a hotel security guard told her, loudly and rudely, that she was not allowed to accompany me to my hotel room. Again, he assumed she was a local prostitute. (She was wearing a slinky dress and had a tan, but she still looked like neither a prostitute nor a Mexican to me.) The desk clerk saw what was happening and ran over to intervene, and the guard walked away without an apology.

I don’t so much perceive her as being of a different race, but she sometimes seems like a different species. A good thing, to me.

I’ve been in East Asia for twelve years (Japan before Korea), so I’ve dated Asian women for all of that time. Back in the US, dating a black woman in Seattle didn’t draw any attention at all, nor did dating a Mexican woman in New Mexico. Dating a black woman in Texas drew a few stares. I was born and raised in Texas, and I’m aware that there are many intelligent and cool people there, but Texas is also the place where I’ve been asked if I’m worried about a repeat of the Tiananmen Square problem (I don’t live in China), whether there’s any difference between the Korean and Chinese languages (by those enlightened enough to realize that they are two different countries), and whether we eat sushi every day (we do eat raw fish here, but not every day, and we don’t call it sushi, or even sashimi).

14
  1. Gay or straight?
    Straight
  2. What “races”?
    Mainly Chinese and Japanese, majority in country although some American-Japanese/Chinese. Does Jewish count?
  3. Where have you been together?
    Just touch on my wife of 10 years. Lived in Japan, HK, China. Long visits to the US - mainly west coast. Been to France, Rome, Saipan, Thailand, Australia.
  4. Do people ever look at you funny or give you a negative look or vibe?
    Occaisionally. Usually it’s because we are both speaking Chinese (visited france, and all the French people would speak to me in French, my wife would translate to me in Chinese, and then spouse would reply in basic French. There were many a WTF moments :slight_smile:

Never anything explicitly racist that I can remember. My father is a decorated combat vet of WW2 and Korea, so he had a few issues to overcome with race but not personally with my wife.
5. Do you perceive your s.o. to be of a different “race”?
Ummm, I guess so but nothing significant or really noteworthy. More importantly of a different culture.