So my wife and I are out for a stroll last night(beautiful evening, decided to go for a walk after visiting the county fair) I'm pushing the carriage and we are walking along a main drag in our town. A car of youngish white females drives by and one of them decides make her displeasure at seeing us together by yelling a racial epithet I won't repeat here since this isn't the pit. I get more than a tad angry and return comments peppered with flowery language, they drive on. My wife takes it a good deal better than I do and we have a little row about my temper and choice of language(especially in front of the baby). I know they were kids and I'm an adult and should have blown it off, I'm working on it. I'm not bringing this up for sympathetic responses or to chastize the girls in question, just to illustrate a situation(albeit an extreme one) I've encountered quite a few times since we started dating. It's usually more subtle than this, comments and questions to the effect that I was looking for a "submissive" woman, etc. or have an "Asian thing." I guess my question is, whats your honest first thougt when you see an interacial couple
consisting of white/caucasian guy and an Asian female? FWIW I had no particular attraction or “thing” for Asian(Mrs. Monkey is Japanese) women and knew scant little about the culture(but I’m learning) and all the women I’ve dated untill now were Caucasian, including an 8 year relationship with a very(natural)blonde woman I thought I would marry. We get looks and such from everyone(which I expect) but the comments generally come from white females, this is why I am asking you(plural) in particular.
Disclaimer:This post is not meant to be inflammatory. I know not everyone has a problem with this, each is an individual, I’m painting with broad strokes etc. ad nauseum.
So what do you think?
Wow. What a bunch of churlish, evil little witches. I am astonished by their behavior.
As for answering your question: I don’t have a problem with it. I do sometimes (please forgive me) wonder if perhaps the couple has one of the “dominant/submissive” type relationships, but I don’t dwell on that too much. But the idea may fleetingly cross my mind for a second. But it often doesn’t.
I come from a large metropolitan area where there are many people from many cultures. And they’re all different. Some are from the “old country” and adhere more strongly to their culture’s old traditions, while some are natives of the USA and are not as “traditional.” So you never really know about people by just looking at them.
Also, bear in mind that interracial relationships are not that uncommon where I am from (my sister is in an interracial marriage—very happily so), so I don’t get too shocked about that, or really give a damn.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that if any thoughts pass through my mind, it’s just an idle bit of curiosity about the “dominant” thing. Maybe. But only for a second, and then I’m off thinking about something else. And even my idle thoughts about the “dominant” thing are easily dismissed. After all, I try not to assume that I would have a clue about anyone else’s relationships just by looking at them passing in the street. That’s beyond absurd!
Well, both my best friend and my longest friend (i.e. we’ve been friends since we were three) are Asian women married to Caucasian men, so I don’t really think much about it.
I’ve found that people don’t tend to react unusually to the sight of a white male and an Asian female.
They’re much more likely to raise eyebrows at the sight of an Asian male and a white female. Such pairings are decidedly less common. Less common by far.
I wouldn’t think any more of it than any other couple I saw. There are so few minorities up here that if you see one in a couple, one person within it is going to be white at least half the time. Hell, there were only one asian kid and one black kid in my high school…of course they dated white kids!
JThunder
I realize this is a less common pairing, but I dont see what it had to do with the OP. I don’t think people raise the same type of eyebrows at it, however. I don’t get the feeling that people look at an Asian male/white female couple and wonder whether or not he went looking for a submissive partner, or could’nt handle a “real” woman. YMMV. Yosemitebabe your candidness is appreciated. I think most people indulge some type of predjudices when they see certain couples or types of people. Just like to add mea culpa.
JThunder
I realize this is a less common pairing, but I dont see what it had to do with the OP. I don’t think people raise the same type of eyebrows at it, however. I don’t get the feeling that people look at an Asian male/white female couple and wonder whether or not he went looking for a submissive partner, or could’nt handle a “real” woman. YMMV. Yosemitebabe your candidness is appreciated. We all indulge in at least mild predjudices when we see certain couples or types of people whether it be style of dress,race,age,gender,sexuality, etc.It’s just human nature. But like you said most are either too polite or care too little about it to make a big deal.
Two of my high school buds married Asian women. It has not been uncommon during war time. So I don’t think much about it. Movies like Sayonara and South Pacific also influenced my generation’s thinking about interracial relationships.
Heh. Senior year in high school, my girlfriend was Philipino (I’m northern Itallian). She was a 5’ 8" volleyball player, wirery stong and could jump through the roof (she had a full-ride University athletic scholarship). I had been studying martial arts since the age of twelve, I tought her a few things and she adopted a bit of my swagger.
We were waiting in line at a movie theater, two teenage girls behind us made some comments about “submissive orientals” and me being with my “mama-san.” We both heard it and I began to turn around to give them my death stare (I’m 6’ 3"/190 lbs). She stopped me and said “I’ll handle it.”
She walked back and told one of them “How 'bout I take you around the corner and kick your ass while your friend watches?” The two of them left, it was too cool. We went our separate ways after graduation, but she is still one my all-time favourite people.
(BTW: I don’t advocate violence, but intimidation comes in handy sometimes)
I don’t give it a second glance. My uni has so many Asians that I believe they’re not even in the minority anymore. There are lots of white/Asian couples, and actually, with having so many Asians around, you really can’t stereotype. There’s just too many people around to debunk your stereotype, if you were going to have one.
Of course, the way I was brought up, Asians were the considered white people. I mean, obviously all races are equal to me and all, but my parents have a touch of racism against some groups–but Asians aren’t one of them. I never knew that anyone was even prejudiced against Asians until I was in about mid high school. Maybe that has something to do with it.
Damn benevolent dopers and your pinko progressive views I was hoping for a little more difference of opinion on why some folks seem to take this so hard. I don’t want to start a war over it or anything and am in no way trying to wind myself up with ammo for some kind of righteous indignation, just want to understand some peoples’ gut reactions. Is my low post count so unattactive? Perhaps I should have included WMD or Bush in the thread title. :o
Some racist people are threatened if a person of their race/ethnicity is dating someone of another. They are threatened because your wife “took you away from them.” As if you’d wanna date the sort of person who shouts such things at a couple on the street.
If she has a foreign accent, I think, “she’s getting herself a green card” and wonder if the guy is just a dope for a small figure and pretty eyes. If I see them before I hear them, I don’t stare, but listen until I’ve heard her speak. Then I start thinking about something else.
If she has a foreign accent, I think, “she’s getting herself a green card” and wonder if the guy is a dope for a small figure and pretty eyes, or if they really have a worthwhile relationship. If I see them before I hear them, I don’t stare, but listen until I’ve heard her speak. Then I start thinking about something else.
A couple was on board our flight to Cozumel last week – handsome man and drop-dead gorgeous Asian woman. My first thought was “what a lucky bastard.”
I’m don’t swing that way, but I wouldn’t have kicked her out of my bed.
One of my best friends is Asian. She has always dated white guys, and I’ve never really seen anyone raise an eyebrow about it. Maybe I’m just nieve, or maybe I grew up in too liberal a household…but this is the first I’ve ever heard of a dominant/submissive stereotype, and I find it perplexing and somewhat counterintuitive. Where did it come from? Sorry about the slight hijack.
In my experience the people who are most annoyed/disturbed by seeing a white man with an Asian woman are not white women, but Asian men. I (ftr a white guy, and a very hot one at that… well ok maybe not, but I am a white guy) dated an Asian woman while I was a grad student at UCSD. I don’t remember a single incident where anybody even seemed to notice, much less say anything to us about it. Then again there is a very large Asian presence at UCSD (and AFAIK all the other UC campuses) and so Asian-white relationships are extremely common.
But, while nobody ever said anything to us, my Asian girlfriend told me that she, and other Asian women, did tend to get crap from Asian male friends and relatives for dating white guys. Asian male friends of mine have also told me that they resent Asian women (such as my girlfriend, and a few other Asian women friends of mine) who will not date Asian men, and ONLY date white guys.
It has been my observation that, all things being equal, an Asian woman has it easier in the dating world than an Asian man. I sure don’t mean to offend anybody or start an argument about that, it’s just what I’ve observed, and what I’ve heard–repeatedly–from Asian friends.
Not sure if it proves anything, but this phenomenon also seems to be reflected in the fairly large number of Asian female celebrities who are considered “sex symbols” and the relatively fewer number of Asian males who fit in that category (Count the number of Asian females on the cover of People magazine vs. the number of Asian males for example). For the record, I don’t like this discrepancy. I’m not sure whether I would call it prejudice (then again maybe it is) but it does seem weird.
So what? Well, there are of course exceptions, and everybody’s situation is different, etc., but, well, let me put it this way, I can certainly understand why Asian men would feel resentful about seeing yet another white male with an Asian woman when they so rarely see an Asian man with a white woman. Of course I’m not saying that all of them do. Just that Asian male friends of mine have told me that they feel this way, and I have to admit that I might feel the same way if I were an Asian guy.
I was hoping for a little more difference of opinion on why some folks seem to take this so hard. I don’t want to start a war over it or anything and am in no way trying to wind myself up with ammo for some kind of righteous indignation, just want to understand some peoples’ gut reactions. Is my low post count so unattactive? Perhaps I should have included WMD or Bush in the thread title. :o