Are You Involved In An Interracial Relationship?

In My Humble Opinion
21

1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?
I’m Japanese, my girlfriend is American/white.

2) How is everything going?
Pretty well, I think.

3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??
Ethnicity isn’t an issue at all. Difference in cultural background is more noticeable, but on the whole it’s a plus.

4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?
I don’t think I have a strong racial preference, but I do have a preference towards English speakers.

5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??
Both families are supportive.

6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?
In our case it’s the age difference that makes us unusual (she’s 15 yrs older than me) more than the race. But we don’t worry about what other people think of our relationship. As she once put it, people who care about us will understand and accept our relationship, and that’s all that matters.

7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?
I haven’t really thought about it.

8) Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?
I hope one day the term “interracial relationship” fill fall into disuse. Race really isn’t a factor in relationships, in my experience, and it doesn’t help to imply otherwise.

22

1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

I’m a Chinese-Thai female and he’s white-Puerto Rican.

2) How is everything going?

Pretty spiffy.

3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

I really don’t think so since we’re both pretty whitewashed. We bring the little ethnic factors that we have retained into the relationship and our cultural aspects enrich our experiences together. I showed him the glory of Thai food. He showed me how sexy Latinos are :wink: I think we’re also just so compatible that it doesn’t matter what ethnicities we are anyway.

4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

I dated lots of different guys in high school ranging from white, Native American to different Asian ethnicities. I’m his first girlfriend, but he’s always had a thing for Asians. I don’t think he was ready for this spunky Asian though!

5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

My family was initially opposed since they had only stereotypes to go on. But once my family met him, they soon began to love him like another son. He joined our family and now he goes to most of our family functions. His parents like me, I think, since I’m so shy and really polite when I’m over. I don’t think my ethnicity bothered them since they themselves are in an interracial relationsihp.

6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

Not really. He looks sorta Asian so people assume that he’s half Asian and half white so it doesn’t seem like a big deal to people. When they find out he’s half Latino, then people usually raise their eyebrows at me, but they never say anything to me.

7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

In this day and age, and in the bay area especially, I don’t think so. They will be what they will be. But I’ve been told on many occasions that since our kids will be a good hapa mix, they’ll be hot. That bodes well for them. :slight_smile:

8) Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

Since interracial relationships were once outlawed, and is now accepted (in some circles, it’s actually encouraged), I hope that the same can go for homosexuals who are trying to gain the same rights as heterosexuals.

23

Actually, I’m taking a “multiracial Asian Pacific American experiences” class this quarter, and the professor told me she has a funny theory concerning hapa kids.

She said if the father is Asian and the mother is other, then they’ll have hot kids. But if the mother is Asian and the father is non-Asian, then there’s a chance that they’ll have “funky hapas”, meaning they’ll get all the weird recessive genes like blue eyes or crinkly hair (one of my friends is half Korean, half Panamanean and she said herself that she has some of the weirdest nappiest hair).

Wonderful, we’re at risk for a “funky hapa” o_O

24

1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

white male/black female (me)

2) How is everything going?

Great; we’ve been married for 2 1/2 years

3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

Not at all.

4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

On its own.

5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

My mother was unhappy at first. My DH is brilliant, successful and a truly wonderful person–sweet, kind, funny. Just plain nice. But he is short and not conventionally handsome. To her way of thinking, (if you can call it that) a non-black man should be exceptional in every way, especially in the looks department, or why bother? The genuineness of his love for me has gradually won her over.

His parents (he is in his 50s) are deceased. He admitted to me that his father was a bigot, and never would have accepted me. He thinks his mother would have been shocked at first, but would have come around.

6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

No, I’ve never gotten that impression.

7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

No, not really. But I can’t test that theory, as we married in middle-age, and won’t be having any.

8) Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

Where did you get your 4% statistic? It seems low to me, but then again I’m from the New York metro area, and now live in the Chicago suburbs, so my perspective may be skewed.

25
  1. What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

I’m going to join Rodney in the same-sex category: I’m white, my partner is Latina.

  1. How is everything going?

Fantastico for 13 years.

  1. Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

Actually, quite the opposite. We’re both working class kids, and I think that was a key ingredient that made it work. Most of my previous girlfriends were middle-class, and some (not all) had this privileged attitude that rubbed me the wrong way.

Her family is full of mixed marriages, so it wasn’t the least bit unusual for her.

  1. Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

It mainly happened on its own, although I’ve learned over the years that I do have a thing for women with darker skin than mine. Yes, said partner picks on me about that. :slight_smile:
5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

The female-female thing was more difficult than the race thing on her family’s side. My family was just relieved that I’d met someone who wasn’t horribly weird or eccentric.
6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

I think once you transcend gender, race goes right to the back of the assumption line.
7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

Well, technically that’s not possible although we’ve talked about adopting older mixed-race kids in the past because of how difficult it is sometimes to find families for that category. Again, plenty of mixed marriages in her family, and plenty of “mixed” kids, most of them with families of their own now.

  1. Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

I find it completely mind-blowing that “interracial” marriages are still considered cutting-edge in some areas. I’d also bet that 4% would go up if it included same-sex couples-- not that we’re more “enlightened” or any crap like that, heaven knows the queer community can be as racist as any other community. But like I said above, once you get over falling in love with the same gender, race is hardly an issue anymore.

26

Asian (East Indian) Male and White Female

Fantastic!

I think such impediments depend more on the culture/traditions of the couple than their race. Stonebow and I haven’t had any problems at all, but despite our differing races we both had very traditional upper middle class American childhoods. Both our fathers were in medical administration. His mom’s a nurse. My mom’s in banking/finance. I had dogs and cats. He had fish and birds.
I suspect that had he been raised in a manner more traditional with his heritage, there might have been culture clash issues. Those sorts of things occasionally crop up with his parents, but they are slightly closer to their heritage than my husband. It should be noted, though, that my husband and* ALL* his siblings married outside their race. He and his brothers all married white women, and his sister married a white man.

It just sort of happened.

My parents absolutely love Stonebow. His parents aren’t very vocal about anything, but I think they expressed some initial dismay at the announcement of our union. Not because of race, though, but because I was a “Southerner” and divorced.

Not really. In fact… <anecdote warning>…my husband has a staff of student workers at the university where he works. A very nice young black man was making advances toward one of his employees, a young white female. She liked him well enough, but was concerned about the reactions she would get about being in an interracial relationship (as in, The Horror!). My husband, hoping to ease her mind, says, “Well, you know my wife and I are an interracial couple.” She replies with, “But, I thought your wife was white!” So obviously, my husband has been drafted in the race draft for the white folks. Hahahahaha. He doesn’t think it’s that funny, though. :wink:

We do have a child, and the only comment I have ever gotten from anyone is “What a beautiful little boy”.

Not really, I think. Race is sort of a non-issue with us. Nobody else has ever made an issue of it either.

You’re welcome.

27

1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?
Asian Male(me), East Indian(her)

2) How is everything going?
Slow. Only been dating a couple months. We either agree totally or not at all.
**
3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??**
Not ethnicity, but religion. I’m christian and she’s Hindu. It really hasn’t been a problem, but it might down the line.

**4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?
**Just happened by itself. We saw each other everyday in passing and there was usually small talk. After a year, it just made sense to ask her out.

5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??
My mother thinks it’s just a phase and still tries to fix me up with girls from her hospital. Her mother likes me, but her father doesn’t i think. He’s not very talkative to me.

6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?
Not at all. I could care less what people think.

**7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?
**Other than the fact that their career is pretty much set for them, Computer Software Engineer.
**
8) Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?
**I think it’s kinda cool :slight_smile:

28
  1. What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

I’m a white guy, my wife is Chinese.

  1. How is everything going?

Pretty good, married almost 5 years now and expecting our first baby in a few weeks.

  1. Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

No, not at all. There were cultural differences, but no big deal. We just sort of adapted to each other’s culture. I’ve learned to eat with chopsticks, and she no longer thinks I’ll get stomach cancer from drinking cold things. :slight_smile: My wife speaks perfect English so language is not a barrier.

  1. Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

Not at first, though I did develop a bit of a “thing” for Asians after I met my wife.

  1. How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

They’ve been fine with it. Actually I was more concerned that my Dad, who is an almost comical caricature of a super right-wing Republican, wouldn’t like the fact that she’s from a communist country, but that turned out not to be an issue.

  1. Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

Haven’t really noticed anything like that. When we visited China, most people there assumed I was an European tourist (apparently I don’t look “American”) and she was a translator I hired for the trip. That’s understandable, it was a common sight there in the tourist areas to see small groups of Westerners accompanied by a translator.

  1. Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

Don’t think there will be much of an issue but not being mixed myself I don’t know. Kids are cruel and they may seize on that when they are in school, but they’ll find anything to pick each other apart.

29

1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

I’m White, she’s Japanese.

2) How is everything going?

We’ve been married 25 years, so I’d have to say okay.

3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

Not in the slightest. I agree with others, though. It’s more a class thing than a race thing.
4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

Just happened on its own.

5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

Not opposition, so much as curiosity. I’m pretty sure my grandparents didn’t approve, but everyone was careful to keep that from us.

6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

No.

7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

Our children come in a variety of shades, eye-shapes and other characteristics. The first thing that pops into most people’s minds is “exotic” rather than “mixed.”

  1. Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

Sometimes, when we were younger, we’d hang out with other interracial couples just to watch people try to figure out who went with who.

30

Interesting! I wonder if that speculation is only for Asians, or if it applies to other ethnicities, too: my white cousin and her black husband had a baby a couple of years ago, and so far he has the same beauty as many mixed-race children … I hope he doesn’t wake up one day with some kind of wild 'fro! :smiley:

I’ve been following this thread partly because I live surrounded by my own personal rainbow (my cousins, as mentioned above; plus my white uncle and aunt adopted a Chinese baby, my white best friends adopted a Mexican baby, etc.), but mostly because I find myself increasingly drawn to an Indian co-worker and if anything were to come of the situation it would be my first interracial relationship. He and I were just talking yesterday about the very thing you said. He’s in the process of getting his second divorce (very sad, the marriage only lasted 5 weeks), and his ex-wife is white while the current wife is Indian. His family immigrated from India when he was 14, he’s lived in the States for almost 30 years, and he told me that he’ll never hook up with another Indian woman: he said they tend to expect certain things from him as an Indian man that just aren’t there, because he is so Americanized. I think he’s only currently writing off Indian women as a whole because he’s still smarting from the end of his marriage – it was clear from the conversation that, as you said, the true dividing line isn’t so much about race as it is about culture/background. If our friendship ever develops into anything more, I’ll have fewer issues with him being Indian than I will with him being a lawyer. :wink:

31
  1. What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

Me: Whitebread city / Wife: Korean

  1. How is everything going?

Fine, thanks for asking

  1. Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

**Impediment? Not a major one. Sure, a lot of our personal preferences do not overlap, but this could just as easily be true in a same-same relationship. More of an issue than ethnicity itself is the fact that I have the advantage of living in my own country and culture and she is transplanted from hers, with all the challenges that entails. **

  1. Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

Just happened. (Interestingly, though, I now find that my internal settings have been totally rewired. I am now first and foremost attracted to Asian women. To me, an “average looking” Asian women beats out 99.9% of non-Asian women - even those typically considered to be extremely hot.)

  1. How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

Everyone is cool and supportive.

  1. Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?
    **
    I’ve never gotten that impression at all.**

  2. Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

N/A

  1. Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

Not right now.

32

  1. What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?
    WM/BF

  2. How is everything going?

Still going strong, married 27 years, dated 5 prior to that.

  1. Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

None, may even have worked to our advantage, if it hadn’t worked “they” would have been right.

  1. Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

Just happened, started out as casual acquaintances and grew.

  1. How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

Initially, but that was a long time ago now.

  1. Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

No

  1. Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

3 kids 2M 1F (in that order) youngest is a freshman at WPI, all seem well adjusted.

  1. Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

Would do it all again!

33
  1. What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

White female and half-white half Fillipino male.

  1. How is everything going?

Fantabulous

  1. Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

No it’s not even a factor. The class difference between us is a lightyears bigger problem.

  1. Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

We fit in to each other’s preferences, but those preferences span races (he likes blondes, I like skinny boys with brown skin.)

  1. How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

No opposition at all.

  1. Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

No. Interracial relationships are as common as sidewalks here.

  1. Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’

No.

  1. Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

Thanks.
[/QUOTE]

34

I couldn’t do anything but have an interracial relationship. I’m of mixed race myself, my dad is white my mom is black. Their marriage was illegal in 7 states when they got married, and for several years thereafter.

1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)? I’m female; my husband is quite possibly the whitest man on the planet. So white in fact his mom’s side of the family is descended from a Mayflower passenger.

**2) How is everything going? ** Just fine thanks, race hardly enters into our lives except for how surprised we are that our daughter has straight blond hair and blue eyes. Genetics, man. We remark upon that frequently (not in her hearing)

**3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one?? ** Nope.

4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own? I have always tended to date white guys, my husband tends towards dark haired dark eyed women.

5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition?? Nope.

6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)? Not to my face. If they say stuff privately I don’t really care.

7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’? Being ‘mixed’ myself I’ll be the first to admit that there are times when it would in some ways be easier to just go ahead and identify with one race or the other. But my kids will be able to pass, (which I cannot) so their issues will be different from mine. They’ll have the challenge of having to confront race issues in a world that sees them as white and relates to them as white until they elaborate on their background, or until they introduce me as their mother. I think in some ways having the option to just select out of the issue altogether will be hard on them – they’ll have to make a specific effort to acknowledge and celebrate their mixed racial heritage, whereas I carry it around with me on my face.

35

  1. I am American-born with Spanish/Mexican background. She is Japanese.

  2. Very well going on 11 years.

  3. Our feelings for each other were not really affected by our backgrounds. Although at first, she had this romantic image (Richard Gere in “An Officer and a Gentleman”, Tom Cruise in “Top Gun”) of American men.

  4. I felt comfortable around Asian people since I grew up in an area of Southern California with many Asian immigrants.

  5. Her parents first balked at our relationship but later accept me and now they love me. My parents were all for it.

  6. Not really. Actually sometimes people here in Japan feel sorry that I am “stuck” here and not able to move back to the US. It’s our decision to live in Japan for now.

  7. No children yet but I know parents with well-adapted kids and not so well. Blame the parents, not th kids.

  8. It’s fantastic being in an interracial relationship… marriage too. :smiley:

36

Well that explains a lot about the way I look! (Thai mother, white father) Especially the crinkly hair bit!

37

Yes, but don’t tell the wife.

38

Okay, limiting things to the ball and chain:

  1. I’m snow white (Norman and Celtic, with just a dash of Anglo-Saxon), she’s yellow (Chinese).

  2. We argue and pursue our own interests. But we still sleep in the same bed, which puts us up there with only two US Presidents in the 20th century. So, pretty healthy overall, I’d say.

  3. Being of different ethnic and cultural backgrounds is a great help to our relationship, since things I do that would annoy a fellow Brit don’t seem to bother her at all.

  4. I couldn’t get a bird in the UK, so needs-must as far as I’m concerned. I can’t afford to be particularly choosy as I get older (and no richer), but I’m rather into the bamboo, if I’m honest with you. I’m far too much of a gentleman to go into my wife’s history, preferences and fantasies on a public board.

  5. Our respective families have so many problems of their own that quite frankly they can’t be bothered with ours. When I first met my prospective f-I-l the first thing he said to me was “Wah! You’re very long”, but I put that down to insight and admiration rather than jealousy.

  6. Oh, yeah, sure. Everyone says “Couldn’t get a woman in UK so tried Hong Kong”, and to my wife “Just married him for his passport”. People can be pretty perceptive.

  7. The only disadvantage my kid has is that, when she speaks English, she affects this dreadful American accent just to annoy me. Teaches us for letting her watch Barney, I guess.

39

  1. What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?
    I’m a white English-Canadian (mixture of Irish, Scottish, Welsh, English etc.) and my wife is Taiwanese (ethnically Chinese several generations back).

  2. How is everything going?
    Typical married couple. Together 7 years, married for 3.

  3. Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??
    Nope, maybe if I didn’t love Asian foods. We’re both very stubborn and opinionated about different things which causes more issues.

  4. Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?
    Nope, just happened. I’d never limit who I date based on race and before she met me she dated an Asian and an Italian since she came to the US.

  5. How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??
    Not really. I could see my Dad’s family potentially being bothered but he went and married a black Jamaican so they had to already get over it 20 years ago. The only issue her family had is that we can’t communicate directly. They don’t speak any English and I doubt I’ll ever be able to speak Mandarin or Taiwanese. That was only a minor thing, they would have an issue if I wasn’t an educated professional.

  6. Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?
    None that I’m aware of but I’m fairly oblivious and wouldn’t care what others think. We do tend to joke that we screwed up by coming to the States and were unable to find an American to marry to get our Green Cards.

  7. Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?
    Our daughter is 18 months and just as stubborn as both of us. I’m certain that she’ll be able to hold her own if kids do pick on her, which they will due to her being the most attractive and intelligent kid in my biased opinion.

  8. Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?
    It would be interesting to know the statistics of the different relationships both here and the US as a whole. Although I would have intuitively thought it would be black/white it seems it may be WM/AF. But those may just be the couples I notice more.

40

:confused: OK, I’m not trying to pick you apart here, but how are these not racial preferences? His sounds very specific, yours sounds more general (I can think of several races which fit the bill) but is still racial in nature because there are several races which are excluded from that particular aesthetic preference.

Again, not that there’s anything wrong with that–I have race-based aesthetic preferences, too–I just don’t understand how the preferences you listed span races.