Are You Involved In An Interracial Relationship?

In My Humble Opinion
41

I am a white male who is married to a Japanese female

Business as usual I guess. Nothing substantially different from other relationships I’ve had with white women aside from the language issues. Her english is far, far better than my Japanese.

Not at all thought I suspect you will get a different answer for white and black couples. I don’t have any problems from other people (yet) because my wife is not white.

I’ve always been attracted to Asian women in general and Japanese women specifically. She did not seak out a white guy but I think she prefers them in general. It has to do with stereotypes of Japanese men and how they treat women rather than an attraction to white men.

Never been an issue though I suspect they may worry a little about the problems mixed race babies will have in life. I know I do. Never having experienced true racism myself I do not look forward to seeing my future children dealing with it.

I honestly don’t give it much thought. I guess some people do.

Yes. With Asian/white babies its hard to tell sometimes what race they are. You can get mixed babies that look completely white or the reverse or even a subtle blend of the two. In addition most other minorities at least have a comparably large base of other people to “share the pain” with. My child will not have that advantage. That said I don’t anticipate a huge problem, just lots of little things here and there. Most people keep their racism to themselves where I live.

Not really but thanks for starting an interesting thread!

42

Am I the only one to notice a pattern in this thread of WM/AF pairings? For those of you involved in these matches, do you think there’s any common ground among you? (living abroad/studying asian culture, job sector, etc.)

43

Astounding. I just read through the whole thread after posting and its amazing how many white American males are married or dating Japanese females. Personally I think its related to the traditional attitudes of Japanese men and society in general towards women. In the modern age Japanese women are starting to realize that they do not have to depend on a man to survive. I’ve seen first-hand some of the things Japanese women have to deal with and I can understand why not everyone there wants to live that life. Japan is also dealing with a population crisis. Many women there have decided not to have children or if they do to have them much later in life and less of them. I suppose the numbers we’re seeing in this thread is somehow related to all that. Very interesting.

44

An interesting question. I’ll use it to amend my previous answer to question 6

Upon further reflection, some people may see my wife and me and make the assumption that we met while I was stationed in Korea. The whole soldier-goes-to-Korea-and-picks-up-a-Korean-bride thing. I do keep my hair buzzed in such a way that it *looks * military.

But this was not the case for me. While I did serve, I was never stationed in Korea; in fact, my wife was the first Korean person I had ever met! I actually met her in a very small Arizona border town, at the Baptist church Sunday school class.

I’m sure there are those with stories like mine. Met in the States just by happenstance. I’m sure there are quite a few that met while on a military tour, and those who met while traveling abroad for school or work.

But this “common ground” thing of which you speak is something we have sought out. At one time we were in a Bible study group of international marriage couples (white husband / Korean wife), and most of our socializing is with other couples of the same mix.

45

Can be quite a range from gold digger to hooker to passport chaser. I’m a looser that can only get a desperate Chinese woman to marry me.

46

What are the several races that exclude being thin and swarthy?

47

How many Caucasian people have brown skin? A lot of Middle Easterners don’t have brown skin, either. The majority of Europe is out as well as the majority races in the United States, Canada, Australia and New Zealand, plus Israel and other parts of the Mideast. I’d say that’s a racial preference–an inclusive one, but racial nonetheless. How else does someone get brown skin?

48
  1. What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

I am white, he is Alutiq. (Alaska Native)

  1. How is everything going?

We have been together for going on 16 years, there have been good times and not-so-good times, but mostly we are comfortable together, and comitted to our relationship.

  1. Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

Other than the cultural differences, we get along very well, and have what we consider a successful relationship.

  1. Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

He wanted a white woman, the gene pool in the village he comes from is very small, and he also wanted to get away from the negative aspects of his culture. I tend to find white men who think they need to control me, and my husband gives me my space.

  1. How do your families feel about your relationship?
    Has anyone voiced any opposition??

Yes, one of my brothers had an attitude for a while, but surprisingly enough my family has accepted him with open arms. (When I was growing up, my family was the epitome of bigot. They have mellowed.) Most of his family aren’t too fond of me for a variety of reasons; diluting the “pure aleut” blood, moving out of the village and sobering him up, he works full time and the kids and I have priority in his life over the rest of the relations. I am often referred to as “That Damn White Woman”!

  1. Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

I would have to say no. There is so much cultural diversity here that mixed marriages are more the norm than in other places. When we go outside of Alaska I have no idea what people think.

  1. Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

Not at all!!! We have (together) a daughter and a son, both extremely attractive, intelligent, and super funny. The worst aspect is that they have his teeth. Our daughter has braces now, and our son will be getting them soon as well. Oh, and they were both tongue tied, as he was. The daughter had hers clipped when they put her braces on, as well as pulling all four eye teeth, and the son will have his clipped as well. In their favor is that they have education and employment opportunities specifically set aside for Alaska Natives and other Native Americans.

  1. Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

Interesting thread!

49

Not mixed race but my ex-girlfriend and I are from families of different religions, in Northern Ireland that’s close enough to mixed race to be objectionable to some :rolleyes:

50

  1. What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?
    I am white, he is Japanese

  2. How is everything going?

Very well. We have been together for 14 years, married for 12.

  1. Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

No. In some ways it made life easier when we were adjusting to each other. I noticed that friends who got together with people of their own nationality seemed not to expect any cultural shocks, but the fact is that every person is brought up in a different family culture from other people, and when you form a new couple there are bound to be clashes and surprises about how each of you think life should be lived. We were ready for those surprises, so when they came up, we were not upset by them, but were able to get on with dealing with the practical problems they brought up.

  1. Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

No, not really. He had never had a girlfriend before as he was too hesitant to make a move on women he’d liked and some other man had always got in first. I had always only dated English men except for one Chinese/Malay man.

  1. How do your families feel about your relationship?
    Has anyone voiced any opposition??

My parents liked him, still do. But they don’t like that we live in Japan because it is too far away and they miss us. My husbands family were stridently against the marriage, causing him to cut off contact with them for six months.

  1. Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

People assume he was in my English class as I am an English teacher but that is not the case. His workmates often assume he is pussy-whipped because he spends a lot more time and effort on his family than most of his colleagues do. He spends his time with us out of choice and has actually influenced some of his younger staff to take a more active role as husband and father, to the benefit of their relationships particularly with their children.

  1. Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

They are at some disadvantage in that where we live it is unusual to see “half” kids. However they have never personally had bullying or discrimination aimed at them, and they seem to be proud of who they are at the moment. Both sides of the family love them utterly. (Me, the inlaws could do without!)

  1. Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

This is an interesting thread, it’s fascinating to see how very many members are in mixed race relationships. My son when he was seven, very seriously said to me that there wouldn’t be any more wars if people went out and married each other and got all mixed up, because you wouldn’t want to fight with your cousins. I agree!

51

The way I see it is this: those aesthetic traits that even sven and her boyfriend are attracted to may be disproportionately represented in particular races, but because they do not determine race, it’s not really accurate to say that race is involved.

My ex-boyfriend is a black guy with skin that is almost literally white (and he is not albino, either). Despite his light skin, his race shows in his other features (kinky hair, nose structure, lips) as well as his parentage. A woman with a strong racial preference towards black men would probably overlook his complexion in favor of his racial identity, but a woman who has a preference for brown skin will likely find him to be gross.

52

Nitpick: a “racial identity” and “a strong racial preference” would tend to describe an ethnicity moreso than a race, IMHYUCO.

53

Just curious. What makes you think that? I know black women who only want to date black men, but they don’t restrict themselves to just African-American men (which is an ethnicity). They also consider black Africans, black Carribeans, black Latinos, etc. In short, anyone who is considered black and identifies as such.

54
  1. What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?

I’m a small-town Irish-Italian lad, she’s a black gal from the 'burbs

  1. How is everything going?

Fantastic; our first anniversiary is April 30.

  1. Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??

Not a bit. My mother tells me that after meeting her, my younger brother remarked that we were, despite appearances, very much the same.

  1. Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?

No, we’d both dated members of various ethnicities before, but had each previously married someone of our own ethnic background. We found each other online and had hit it off before we knew each others’ skin tone.

  1. How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??

I’ve not heard of any; when we started dating, I grilled my parents to find out if there was anyone who might object (I had heard my paternal grandmother make some rather bigoted comments in the past). We attended a reunion for that part of the family last summer, and noone batted an eye, although she was easy to spot amongst all those Irish folk. It turns out mom had sent out photos of us, so when they spotted the hot black lady, they quickly deduced who I was, even though I’d never met most of them. Her family has been open and welcoming to me. We spent the week after Christmas in their house, and I could not have felt more at home.

  1. Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?

Some seem to think that we’re “diverse.” While sitting in a hallway outside one of her sorority events, a student asked if she could take our picture for her project on diversity. We consented, but politely explained that our diversity was superficial at best. Some will assume that we’re “liberal,” especially here in Austin. In truth, we’re curmudgeonly economic conservatives, but they’ve got us pegged on social issues. We’ve even been know to vote gasp Republican from time to time.

We continue to think it’s funny that when speaking to people, they feel the need to mention any other mixed-race couple they know. Also, we’ve noticed that other black/white couples will smile at us, so we’ve learned to smile back.

  1. Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?

We don’t plan to have any, but we don’t think they’d have any problems with regard to their heritage. Being congenital smartasses, though…

  1. Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?

We’ve both learned interesting things. I know more about the complex rituals of black haircare than I ever thought possible. She now knows more about country music than most white folks. I’ve discovered that black women will almost always acknowledge one another. (For a while, I thought she just knew a hell of a lot of people.) She can now explain the difference between at least a dozen kinds of pasta. I can now “chicken fry” things effectively. Soon, she will be able to two-step. I, however, may never figure out how to do the electric slide.

55

Well, because they arn’t racial preferences. There is only one race that rarely produces “brown skin” and there are plenty of sexy Spaniards and swarthy Frenchmen and brooding Russians that I wouldn’t throw out of bed. As for him, he considers bleach to be a perfectly acceptable way to achieve blondeness. Our preferences tend towards certain races (or in my case tend to exclude certain races) but they don’t really have anything to do with race or racialness.

Take this example: Asia-philes generally arn’t seeking out Asians because they really like straight black hair and epicanthal folds. Bjork isn’t going to cut it for them. If an Asia-phile’s Asian girlfriend went out and got eyelid and nose surgery, they might be baffled but it wouldn’t lower how attractive they are. But if the girlfriend moved to Jersey and picked up an east-coast accent and started wearing air brushed tee-shirts that say “smile now cry later”, he’d probably drop her like a hot rock. Any Asia-phile would be badly disappointed by my boyfriend, who conveys an increadable amount of racial-indistictness (the only race he couldn’t concievably be, based on looks, is black) and identifies strongly and solidly with whitebread pop culture.

56

If you don’t mind me asking, how are things now?

And outside of family, do you feel like people make negative assumptions about you when they see you, regardless of your marriage? I believe you started a thread recently about having to open a can of whup-ass at your kid’s school because they ignored your instructions about how to deal with his allergy attacks, and you mentioned that people thought “Here’s that crazy Brit woman”. Do you feel like a lot of people over there think of you negatively based on your being British/Caucasian?

BTW, I should share with you that I always picture you as Susan from Coupling (UK). I’m not sure exactly what that means, but there it is.

Excellent points. I didn’t see it that way. I stand corrected. :slight_smile:

Heh.

57

This is something I’ve noticed through personal experience and observation as well. I’ve known several White men who were attracted to/dating/married Asian or Asian-American women, and I sometimes see White male/Asian female couples out and about, but I’ve never known and very rarely see White female/Asian male couples. Which got me thinking, the other day, is there an excess of single Asian men, or are there fewer Asian men than women in the States, or am I just not noticing Asian men paired with women of other races? :confused:

58

White men seem more often to have a penchant for the exotic - Pocahontas, Madama Butterfly, Adriana Lima, etc. - but we Asians tend to prefer to cluster and live in little pockets that consist of nothing but the familiar. Cultural thing, mostly. My girlfriend two girlfriends ago was white, and when my dad found out he warned that she “would probably cheat” on me, because white people are like that. :dubious:

59

Reminds me of this gem:

A good working definition of Anti-Semitism is taking a trait or an action that is widespread, if not universal, and blaming only the Jews for it. That is what Hitler and Stalin did, and that is what former Harvard University president A. Lawrence Lowell did in the 1920s when he tried to limit the number of Jews admited to Harvard because “Jews cheat.” When a distinguished alumnus objected on the grounds that non-Jews also cheat, Lowell replied, “You’re changing the subject. I’m talking about Jews”.
–Alan Dershowitz

60

Another white guy with an Asian girlfriend (mostly Asian, anyway - half Filipino, a quarter Chinese and a quarter Portugese.)

I started seeing her because I was attracted to her exotic looks. Fortunately our relationship is much deeper than that now. Everthing is going very well. There are no cultural issues that get in the way of us, since she’s not really that connected to her culture even though she actually was born in the Phillipines and lived there until she was nine. Culturally she’s exactly like any American-born American.