She’s from India. Does that count?
Well, I think it depends: are you from India? 
That cuts both ways: in Japan gaijin men {usually white, and especially those who fit the blue-eyed blonde stereotype} are very sought after as boyfriends, partly because we’re perceived as being less sexist than Japanese men, but also for the exotic factor - a lot of guys who wouldn’t stand a dog’s chance in their native countries are making out like bandits, while there are the gaijin groupies who hang around the bars because they just want a white guy on their arm and in their bed for the cachet.
I’ve been with the Missus for 10 years now, and at the start of the relationship there was a lot of circling round while we tried to figure each other out: does he just want a quick lay with an easy Japanese girl? does she just want a fashion accessory? In a odd kind of way, the language barrier can actually help - her English is much better than my Japanese - since you get less of the mind games and “I wonder what he/she really thinks”: it makes you both come out and say exactly what you want.
All was successfully resolved however, bar a temporary estrangement from her parents after her mother tried to set up an arranged marriage for her after we’d just moved in together - living in sin, BTW, is generally not done there. Nor is getting pregnant while unwed, which she also did, and little case is now 4 and currently pestering me for his crayons. We moved back to NZ a couple of years ago, and I suppose sooner or later we’ll get around to getting married. As for my folks, I think that if we ever split up, they’d choose her over me.
Auckland is pretty cosmopolitan and filled with all manner of mixed couples from every race under the sun - my neighbour’s married to an Iranian guy she met in Japan - so there’ve been no racial hassles at all. Oh, except most people tend to assume Missus Case is Chinese, which bugs her no end: “They are terrible drivers!” 
Gaijin women, unless they brought their own guy, are in a bit of a wasteland in Japan: all the white guys are off dating and marrying Japanese women, but relationships - especially long-term ones - between foreign women and Japanese guys are much less common: unfortunately, many Japanese guys do tend to be quite sexist, or at least very old-fashioned by Western standards when it comes to attitudes to women. That, or cripplingly shy and overwhelmed by the thought of actually asking out a white chick.
To put it bluntly, Asian men are considered less romantically desirable. This is something that has been debate here before, but frankly, I think that Asian men are at a clear disadvantage in the dating pool.
Just curious, but where did you draw these statistics from? The 2000 Census?
I live in NYC and there are (a) a lot of ethic/racial groups floating around in close proximity, and (b) a heck of a lot more than 4% intergroup coupling, though this could come down depending on what you would consider “interracial”.
1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?
AM/WF
2) How is everything going?
Been married 6 years, after dating for far longer, and now with three kids. I’d say that’s pretty good.
3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??
No. We both grew up in NYC and even went to the same high school.
4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?
I guess it just happened on its own. I did pursue both Asian and non-Asian girls, and she happened to respond.
5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??
I haven’t sensed any opposition from her parents; she has 3 sisters, one of who has married a (first generation) Ecuadorean, one who has married a child of Austrian/Ecuadorean immigrant parents (who met in an ESL class in fact), and one who has had two really serious LT relationships, one with a Filipino (first generation) and one with a Chileno (immigrant).
My parents did use to express a wish that I marry a Chinese girl. And it’s not like I was against it, in fact for a long time I believed that I was just “in a fling” with this cute white girl, until I realized that I really didn’t think I’d ever find someone more compatible with me (not to mention cute and all that).
Of the set of kids (all first-generation Chinese-Americans) that I grew up with among Chinese family friends (a set of 11 people now all aged 25-35), 7 are married, 1 is engaged and 1 in a serious long-term relationship; of these 9 “hooked up” individuals, 3 are in AM/WF marriages, 2 have “married Chinese” (1 man and 1 woman), 1 is in an AF/WM marriage (with a German), plus 1 Chinese/Korean couple (the woman being the Chinese one) and 1 Chinese woman who married a man who’s the son of Persian and Singaporean Hindu parents.
6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?
Probably more of an issue with the far more commonly seen AF with a WM pairing.
7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?
I do worry about this a bit, not so much of there being any particular “disadvantage” in society as a whole but that they may feel somehow culturally adrift. So far there hasn’t been any real problems though; Flushing is a fairly heavily Asian neighborhood now, and biracial children are not uncommon.
8) Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?
Er… Let’s Go Mets?
I don’t think there’s a “shortage” of Asian women, if that’s what you mean. There’s always lots of single people of all races and both genders.
1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?
I’m a white male, she is a Latina (Peruvian immigrant) female.
2) How is everything going?
I’m hoping to get a ring on her finger before too much more time goes by.
3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??
In our case, no but I won’t deny that it could be.
4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?
Just happened for me. She’s said before that she has little interest in Latino men, mainly because her experiences with them growing up in Peru were tainted by hyper-machoism and casual cheating on their spouses as a lifestyle.
5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??
My mother is completely for the relationship. If my sister and brother-in-law have reservations, I haven’t heard about them. Her family is fine with it as well. “Fine” in this case ranges from her mother and sister liking me for who I am and for making their daughter/sister happy to her father just wanting to see whiter grandchildren.
6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?
Not really. I sometimes think part of it is because, although she’s Latina or Hispanic or whatever term you want to use, she’s from somewhere exotic enough that people say “Hey, wow, she’s from Peru huh?” as opposed to “Oh, so you’re dating some Mexican girl”. I think people have a pre-set stereotype of what a Mexican is but they have no standard of judgement on Peruvians. At least around here anyway.
Really though, she’s smart, talented, educated, driven and has a career that usually elicts a “Oh wow, cool” from people (she’s a medical interpreter). So there’s not much basis to think she’s status seeking or trying to steal one of our precious white men as a husband.
7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?
Only because they’d have my blood in them
She is, speaking frankly, a beautiful woman as well as her traits mentioned above. From a purely physical standpoint, I can only hope that we have a daughter who takes after her. She does intend on teaching our children Spanish as well as English which, in my estimation, can only be a good thing going down the road.
8) Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?
Nothing springs to mind.
Thanks
My pleasure 
- What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?
I’m Sicilian-American, but I do not identify as “white.” In my view, Sicilian is of ambiguous race. We’re descended from both Europe and Africa, we’re a mixture of the entire Mediterranean. A hundred years ago we were considered nonwhite. Go figure. She is from South India. What race is that? Are you sure? I’m skeptical. :dubious: Ah, the whole intellectual construct of race is just a crummy house of cards anyway. She and I just don’t fit into anyone’s preconceived categories. I despair of ever giving a simple, clearcut answer to any question of racial identity. I’m totally a racequeer.
- How is everything going?
20th anniversary next month. Woo hoo, go us!
- Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??
It’s no issue. I’m halfway Indianized and she’s halfway Americanized.
- Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?
Well, … yes. On both sides. I’d wanted to go Indian before I met her, and likewise she’d wanted to go American.
- How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??
That was never an issue. It was cool. Well, a jealous aunt or cousin or two in India may have snarked at the idea at first, but that didn’t matter.
- Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?
No. Never felt that.
- Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?
They all turned out incredibly beautiful.
- Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?
In everything in life, I have taken unconventional paths and found my own way, not caring how strange it may seem to everyone else.
I can do this for my last relationship as well as my current one.
1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship?
Previous: She was Haitian.
Current: I’m an American mutt (various Europeans, Native American) she’s Japanese.
2) How is everything going?
Previous: It was going fine until I stayed in Japan for too long.
Current: We’re getting married later this year.
3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one?
Previous: It wasn’t really an issue between us. Very occasionally we’d rib each other about racial stuff, but it was definitely not an impediment to either of us.
Current: Not really ethnicity so much as culture and language. It’s not that big of a deal though.
4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?
Both: Just happened.
5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition?
Previous: A couple of my relatives said they were concerned about problems our kids might have growing up, but never had any opposition to her personally. Her family gave me a more thorough vetting than they would have if I were Haitian, but that’s about it. Her mom loved me. Still asks after me, actually.
Current: The only thing my family asked is if we’ll be living in the US or Japan, the race thing doesn’t seem to concern them much, if at all. Her parents have been broken in by her older sister’s marriage to a Spaniard. Mostly what her dad wanted to know was the usual dad stuff about whether I’d be able to provide for her.
6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship?
Both: not really. When I was with my ex, we had some negativity directed at us by blacks, never caught any from whites. I compared notes with her once, and her impression was pretty much the same as mine. I was surprised that there was any problem at all. I’m idealistic that way, I guess.
Other non-Japanese women here sometimes make comments to me about guys with an Asian fetish, or say something like, “Of course,” when they find out I’m dating a Japanese woman, but I think that’s sour grapes. It’s harder for gaijin women since Japanese guys are generally a bit intimidated by the whole feminism thing, whereas Japanese women have the preconception that gaijin men treat women better. Both are stereotypes not very much based in reality, but it still makes a difference in how likely you are to get a chance to meet someone. Whenever I’ve had to deal with such a situation I point out that when 98% of the people around you are Japanese, you’re much more likely to have a relationship with a Japanese person.
My fiancee hasn’t had to deal with anything other than good-natured envy from her friends and jokes that they want a foreign boyfriend so they can meet a guy like me. It’s enough to give a guy an ego, I tell ya.
7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?
Previous: That may have been an issue, but I kind of doubt it. We would have had good looking smart kids (mostly due to her genes). Maybe I don’t have a realistic view of such things though. I tend to think that most other people think the same way as me, and I’ve been unpleasantly surprised on some thankfully rare occasions.
Current: I don’t think they’ll have any real disadvantages in the US. If we stay in Japan, however, they might have some problems later on, particularly if we stay in this area of Japan; it’s still quite conservative and even a bit xenophobic here. Japan’s society sometimes reminds me of the US ca. 1950.
When one of my friends had to move, she and her husband were turned away from an apartment because they were Brazilian. She has two Japanese grandparents, he’s mostly Native. They know that was the problem because the landlord told them that he doesn’t rent to foreigners, especially Brazilians. There was a news story about teacher-supported hazing toward a half-white kid that was severe enough that the he committed suicide.
On the other hand, by the time my kids are old enough to be in school, this may have become less of an issue. The younger generation here is simultaneously getting less and more tolerant, but I’m betting that the trend will be more toward acceptance. They’ll hopefully be pretty much bilingual and bicultural, which should help them a lot in the long run.
8) Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?
Ethnicity seems to be mostly a non-issue with my friends. My family is another matter, but the usual suspects have been more accepting of the women I’ve found important enough to introduce to the family than I thought they’d be. My experiences in dating people of different races–the two women I talk about here are just my most recent relationships–have strengthened a belief I’ve had since young, that racial issues are exacerbated by drawing attention to race. When you aren’t constantly thinking about it and staking your identity as a person based on what color your skin is, any problems matter less.
Contrast two ways of thinking: “It’s because I’m black, isn’t it?” and “It’s because you’re an asshole, isn’t it?” With the first mindset, you feel like you’re fighting a large group, which would tend to make most people feel oppressed and paranoid. In the second, you treat each person as an individual, and form opinions of them based on their behavior, not your preconceptions. To my mind, in a colorblind society no one would consider someone’s race to be a topic of much interest.
1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?
White Male (I think - Second Generation off-the-boat Italian is still “white-boy”, right?) / Hispanic Female
2) How is everything going?
Good.
3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??
No.
4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?
Just happened.
5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??
Families are fine, no one has voiced “opposition” per se. There have been a couple of amusing incidents in which family members were complaining about “the Puerto Ricans”. I remind them that my wife is one of them, and the backpedaling commences. In one famous incident, my daughter complained about the “freakin’ puerto ricans” & had to be reminded that she herself was one. Along with her mother, grandmother, etc etc. (I thought it was funny overall, but Mrs. Jim was not amused.)
6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?
No - truth be told, we look like a couple of pure-bred whiteys.
7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?
I have them, and they all look like they’re pure-bred whiteys too. So, in some regards, I think they will be at a racial disadvantage when it comes to identifying with their hispanic heritage. They just don’t look the part.
8) Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?
Nah - I guess that covers it.
1) What is the specific configuration of your relationship (e.g. WM/BF, AM/WF, etc.)?
White (mutt) Male / Japanese Female
2) How is everything going?
Great so far.
3) Do you feel that your not being of the same ethnicity is an impediment to building a successful relationship? How much of one??
No I do not. She was born in the US and so the cultural difference is small. All problems that we have are just normal ones that people go through on their own.
4) Did either of you have a specific preference for partners of the other’s race, or did it just happen on its own?
No preference. My previous relationship was with a British lady.
5) How do your families feel about your relationship? Has anyone voiced any opposition??
I am going to need some help with this one. More later.
6) Do you sense that people make assumptions about you based solely on the fact that you’re in an interracial relationship (e.g. mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, status seeking, etc.)?
N/A
7) Do you feel that your children, if you were to have them, would be at any disadvantage due to their being ‘mixed’?
No, I do not.
8) Do you have any other comments that you would like to add to the above?
Yes, as other people have mentioned there seem to be a lot of white males who are involved with Japanese females and I seek advice. I have not yet met her family but will be doing so soon. Her family does not speak any English and I myself don’t speak Japanese. My SO will be acting as a translator.
I seek any advise from the many people that have been here on how I should handle it or what I can look forward to. Any help or advise would be greatly appreciated.
My girlfriend recently met my Japanese family, and it seemed to go well. IMHO the single most important rule dealing with a Japanese family is: never refuse tea. Offer tea if they’re visiting you. It can be some other hot beverage - the point is to make the time to sit together.
If you’re visiting her family home, I suggest you find out the household rules and etiquette in advance - when to take off your shoes, how to use the bath (if you are), etc.
Try not to refuse alcohol too. I’ve found that nothing breaks down cultural barriers faster than a couple glasses of wine (or beer or sake).
Thank you for this advice! This does help as I normally never drink tea and would have likely refused.