A friend asked me this earlier and I’m sure there is but I can’t think of it.
What would you call a Father who - whilst not the biological father of his kids - has raised them and effectively been their ‘Father’ for most, if not all, of their lives?
Is there a word for it?
TA
JP
“Daddy”.
Legally, though, AFAIK there’s no official title for him, if he’s not entitled to “stepfather” or “adoptive father” or “foster father”.
Daddy or Dad is exactly right.
I have 2 step children, 3 foster children and one that is my own.
All call me dad. When I speak about them to others I simply say I am their dad but I am not their father.
Is there anything worng with the obvious “Adoptive father”?
Usually, I’m just Dad. If the issue comes up for some reason, I’m the adoptive dad or father as opposed to the birth father.
(Now that they are teens, of course, I am the loud, mean, unreasonable ogre.)
you mean other than the fact that “adoptive” often doesn’t apply?
no.
Well, Dad still works best, but if step-, adoptive, and foster all do not apply, the remaining technical title would be surrogate.
One can be an “adoptive father” without being a “legally-recognised adoptive father.” If you behave like an adoptive father, then you are one. There has always been formal and informal adoption in human society. Legal adoption is a specialised kind of adoption and is relatively recent in human history. You can adopt someone in practice without legally adopting him or her.
Just plain father is the best mode to use-- there is no reason to attach a qualifier. Since each case of surrogate daddying is unique in its own way, if and when the time comes for an explanation of the relationship, simply tell the story (“I’m adopted.” “My father is actually my stepfather.” “He’s not my father, but I call him Dad because he practically raised me.” “He took me in when my mother died.” Whatever.). Then go back to saying father.
From the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language:
father n. 1. A man who begets or raises or nurtures a child.
So if you are raising or nurturing a child, you are a “father.” No qualifier needed. I don’t understand why you’d WANT to use any other word. Qualifiers seem vaguiely insulting to me.
The first time I referred to Mrs. RickJay as my parents’ “daughter-in-law” while conversing with them, they were swift with the correction. “She’s our daughter, not our daughter-in-law.” Words well spoken.
Though it appears to me that the word foster may have received a bad rap, it means:
So, foster father works as well as any other.
“Father” works, with “adoptive” or “nurturing” used to distingush from “person who contributed the other half of the genetic complement.”
One of my favorite stories:
Two of the boys we took in and raised were Michael and Chris. Chris’s cousin Tami had a “wild spell” in her late teens, moved in with a guy named Casey who begat a child on her. Coming to her senses about what sort of a person Casey was, she left him. Through Chris and other mutual acquaintances, Michael met her and fell in love, while she was pregnant with the boy, whom they named Kyle. He married her and they had three other children. But Michael has been there in the father role for Kyle literally from the day he was born. They’ve never kept it a secret from Kyle that Casey is his father by blood, but he has bonded to Michael.
One day I was visiting them. Michael was engaged in some home repairs a short distance away from the kitchen table where Tami and I were sitting and drinking coffee while waiting for Kyle to finish his lunch. The topic of conversation turned to Casey, and since she and I both knew and cared about him, she filled me in on what he had been up to.
I started to say something about Casey, noticed Kyle listening to me, and said, “And so Casey – that’s your daddy, Kyle…” With his best five-year-old “Grownups can be so stupid sometimes” expression, he looked at me and said, “No, he’s my father. There’s…” (beaming with pride and pointing at Michael) “my Daddy!”
I stood corrected. And took his point.
Primary male caregiver.
In the realm of world religions, there is no blanching at using ‘Father’ or its many formal or informal variants for a male spiritual leader.
So, there is no need to refrain from using ‘father’ in the OP’s case.
Unless, of course, one wanted to purposely distinguish this person from the biological father. In that case, Tom’s ‘surrogate father’ is the best variant if foster, adoptive, and step do not apply.
Alternately, one could apply ‘biological’ to the biological Father and keep the surrogate as the ‘father.’ E.g., “this is my father, Jim, and my biological father, Jake.” In this case, it’s clear that Jim is not the biological father, but the true surrogate father wether by adoption, marriage, legal guardianship, or personal relationship.
Peace.
Surrogate father would grate on me. Presumably we would want there to be a parallel term for a woman in the same situation. Surrogate mother has a specific connotation of a woman who intentionally conceives and carries out a pregnancy to give the baby to another woman. To me, that is clearly a unique situation that needs its own word. I have heard surrogate mother used to refer to a non-biological mother who played a mothering role, but it just doesn’t work for me. I think father and biological father are good, if it’s the father who truly has the lifelong commitment to the child.
My baby’s daddy?