When used to refer to the unwed father of a child?
Deeply. Much in the same way “we is” or “I could care less” are.
It has a minor amount of offensive cuteness about it, like “has a baby bunp” for “pregnant”, but other than that it seems to simply be redundant. “Daddy” or “father” would seem to sufffice.
I only use “baby daddy” where previously I scornfully used “sperm donor”. A baby daddy isn’t a father in any meaningful sense of the word, but a jerk who squirts and splits. Offensive? Perhaps, but I’m not terribly concerned with offending such people. Their behavior offends me.
I would use “biological father” or “biodad” in this context: someone who contributes hald the genes. In this case the biodad contributed nothing else, but a “biological father” could also be the family father or care father or nurturing father (whatever you want to call him) as well. IMHO, “sperm donor” was a much more accurate term than “baby daddy” as well.
To me, using “daddy” recalls the child’s connection with the father, and the child’s point of view, so if you want to emphasise the lack of connection, “daddy” would seem to be the wrong word to use.
Have never heard it used as an insult IRL, just short-term for ‘the father of my child’ (they could be former lovers or unengaged partners).
I had thought it to be perfectly descriptive, referring to the relationship not with the baby but with the other parent. To be fair, I have only ever heard “baby momma” before, never “baby daddy,” but this is the only context in which I have heard it. As such it is not synonymous with the definitions given above (i.e. biological father with no additional involvement - that refers to the relationship with the baby).
The father of my [hypothetical] kid may not be related to me in any significant way (i.e. he’s not my husband, boyfriend, partner, etc) other than as the father of my kid. What other word do we have to describe that relationship? He’s not the baby’s baby daddy, he’s mine.
Or maybe I’ve been interpreting this all wrong.
I tend to use it as a shorthand way of saying “father of the child who is at most a transient part of the child’s life”.
So, I hear it used (and use it myself) in situations where the parents were never married and the male biological parent has no consistent, meaningful role in the child’s life. In other words, he squirted and split (as WhyNot so colorfully put it :D) If the biological parents were ever married, I don’t use it. If the male biological parent has a meaningful, continuing role (excluding a purely financial role, by the way), I don’t use it.
So, it’s not really inherently offensive - but the implication is that the man so designated is totally uninvolved in the life of the child. That’s an unfavorable implication to many people, but not all.
I’ve heard that phrace used too often by real women (or girls) without irony too see anything offensive about it. It’s an ellision of “baby’s daddy,” and it’s reflection of genuine vernacular. At worst, I suppose it might be seen as offensive imitation of black speech, but color divisions in that kind of patois have become so blurred and indistinct any more that I don’t think it really matters.
To me, “baby daddy” has the connotation that the man referenced is only of significance because of his relationship to her child. It carries a nuance that “ex” doesn’t.
I don’t find it offensive, except to wonder why, if that man were of so little value to her, she would conceive a child by him. But I’m getting more cranky and old fashioned in my thirties.
You’re right, absolutely. If I’m seriously trying to communicate in a meaningful way, I wouldn’t use any shorthand at all. It would be: “The biological father of my child, who left when our son was two and a half and has chosen to have no contact with him since I took him to court for failure to pay child support nearly 10 years ago.”
But if I’m in a good mood and the exact nature of the relationship isn’t really all that important, I’ll use “baby daddy” as shorthand, mostly 'cause I associate it with Jerry Springer shows and find it awfully funny in the abstract, although not so much in real life. I stopped using “sperm donor” when I thought about what that said about actual generous men who help infertile couples by donating their DNA.
When referring to him to my son or in front of my son, I use “biodad” or “biological father”.
I do not like that phrase. No particular reason it’s just rubs me wrong. I’ve only heard it used on Tv and when ever somebody uses it I change the channel and curse the gods for allowing such a phrase to exist.
I get the sense that you’re asking if it’s offensive due to its association with a certain “Black” pattern of speech. If so, yeah, I’m not diggin’ it. Sounds too ghetto to me. (Yeah, yeah, I know: “diggin’ it”. But, hey, “dig” sounds WAY cooler than “baby daddy/mama”.)
Now, if you’re asking about “daddy”: In and of itself, “daddy” is not offensive at all. In fact, it’s always seemed to me to be a regional thing. I.e., in the South, we tend to say “daddy,” while Northerners tend to use "father (with the appropriate, of course, apostrophe after “baby”). (The same thing with “mama”/“mother”.) That’s just my experience, though–perhaps others’ mileage varies.
While I lean strongly towards “daddy,” I do occasionally use “father”. I guess it depends mostly (if I stop to think about it) on who I’m talking to at the moment.
I agree. I would use “biological father”.
Where I am, it is definitely offensive. Used in much the same way you might say “oh, him? He’s just some random john she got pregnant by one time.” The use of “baby-daddy” rather than “her ex,” “her child’s father,” or some similar phrase that implies that the couple were not married at the time of conception and/or birth is more an insult aimed at the mother than the father.
That being said, I do know some people who use it the same way that others have mentioned – to imply that the man is only partly if at all involved with the child. Those people do not use it derisively or see it as offensive.
I guess it is kind of like other words, it depends on the group of people using it – white-bread middle class woman refers to my ex (with whom I was not married when we had a child together) as “your baby-daddy” she might get bitch-slapped, because it would be an insult directed at me, but one of my project-dwelling friends would get away with it, because it’s not insulting, it’s just what it is. Does that make sense? Kind of like if a redneck walks up to a homosexual man and says “hey, fag, what’s up?” you know it’s an insult, but if one of the homosexual’s friends said the same thing, it wouldn’t necessarily be insulting.
The offensive thing, to me, is that it mocks typical uneducated urban speech by dropping the possessive. Otherwise, as others have said, it refers to a father who’s acted pretty offensively himself, so who cares what one calls him. On the other hand, if I went around referring to my very involved husband as my baby daddy, I wouldn’t blame him for being offended if I was being serious. I’m not offended when he calls me baby mama to my face though - I think he thinks he’s being sexy.
Same here. The moms in the shelter would refer to their “baby’s father”, who was usually still around, to varying degrees.
Baby daddy sounds like the woman is a slut and has to distinguish who the multiple fathers are for each birth.
Does the converse, “baby momma,” carry the same connotations for you?
The term is offensive to me, in that my sensibilities are offended by the lack of education and discipline. It doesn’t conjure poor images of the father and doesn’t even reflect his involvement w/ the child, to me. It certainly takes the mother from “I’m a single mom” down to “I’m a ghetto slut” in my book.
It’s terms like this that make me want to scream “Do you realize how far back you’re setting your race when you say that?! It’s people like you that make racism possible!” to them (when applicable).