I much prefer to say, “You got the stank-ass.” More euphonious, and a little more colloquial. You don’t want to be overly direct in a situation like this.
I agree many people simply will not change clothes or bathe often enough to overcome this condition. Some apparently do learn growing up that “cleanliness is next to impossible.” I don’t buy it – I grew up knowing many farm people, many of whom were so well-scrubbed they squeaked. Among these were my dad’s former secretary and her husband, who ran a good-sized hog operation.
Every time I’ve been around someone with a colostomy (mostly old folks; and I’ve been around a few with one - my grandpa’s in a nursing home that we visit regularly) there is a noticeable odor whenever waste is evaculated into the bag, at least if you’re in close proximity to the person. Yes, there’s no actual leakage of contents, but odor definitely does escape.
Really, there’s people out there who have one and you wouldn’t know - it can be quite well hidden under clothes, and it’s not something that a person would want to tell others about, you know? If the OP tells this girl that she smells, however tactfully, and IF this girl does just happen to have one, I can imagine her feeling extremely embarassed. The chance that she DOES have one is small, but it’s one explanation of the odor. No matter how you slice it, I don’t think there’s a way to tell her how she smells without making her feel bad.
You really cannot talk to her about this with her knowing who you are. That would be way way way too embarrassing for her. Auuuuugggh I cringe just thinking about it. I think you should send her an anonymous email or actual letter and make it sound like it’s not from you. Pretend it’s from some (unnamed) acquaintance or something, so that she doesn’t suspect you. Obviously, she does not want to smell like human poop and would be horrified to know that she does. So help her fix the problem, but don’t let her know it was you. If the person I was interested in was the one who told me this, I don’t think I could ever face him again, let alone think about a relationship with him.
I also like the anonymous email idea. Because, frankly, I can’t imagine ever being able to tell somebody a thing like that face-to-face. But she clearly needs to be told so she can do something about it.
If you do send an anonymous email or note make certain that she won’t be able to guess it’s from you. If you two have exchanged emails before she might recognise your writing style. So be careful there – you might even want to write up a draft and post it here for one of us to proofread and sanitize it, so it doesn’t sound like you.
Also, offer her some suggestions to make the situation better. Just switching to moistened toilet paper is one suggestion and it may do the trick. Another suggestion is for her to reconsider her laundry and bathing rituals – for instance, if she wears her pants more than once in between washings (as many people do), she might need to start washing them after every wearing instead. Or, maybe she showers at night instead of the morning (again, many people do this), and might be better rearranging her AM schedule so she can bath in the morning instead. Or maybe she showers every other day instead of every single day and she needs to switch to a daily bath instead.
Finally, maybe you could start the anonymous email by saying that you (the anonymous ‘you’ who is writing the letter) had benefited from a similar letter in the past. Like, “Some years ago someone was kind enough to anonymously let me know about a hygiene issue I had and so I was able to take care of the problem.” Or something like that.
Hmm. I don’t know if anonymous is the best way. If she can’t figure out who it is she will realize that every person who has ever come within 50 feet has thought she smelled of ass and kill herself in shame. If someone was particularly close to her it might not be as horrible: “Listen, because I’m so physically close to you, I’ve noticed 2 or three (some small number) this issue-- no no no, I’m sure no one else has noticed it, but when I’m really really close there’s the very most faintest whiffling of poo. . .”
'scuse me. Large? What the hell is this? Large is my training partner Gordon, who’s 220 at 10% bodyfat. Your friend is a fat slob. There’s no reason to spare her feelings after what she’s subjected you to.
And yes, it’s quite common with the morbidly obese. My grandmother would sometimes smell of poo after a good shit until we talked her into using the bidet.
You’re making a whole pile of assumptions (and not to mention judgements) there, we don’t actually know how big this person it - the OP said she was ‘kinda on the large side’ or words to that effect.
Then again, the business end of a colostomy bag is nowhere near the butt, so it doesn’t explain the couch smelling. My guess is it really is bad hygiene. I don’t envy Charger. I’d say anonymous is the way to go - sometimes someone else knowing you’re mortified makes it worse.
Um…how do you send an anonymous email? I think the US Postal Service will be your best bet. And maybe buy her one of those butt sticks as pictured in the link above.
Try this first. Buy some of those “Ass-fresh wipes” and leave them on the back of your toilet. Perhaps she will be curious enough to try them, realize how fresh she feels, and purchase some for herself.
Ummm… I wasn’t there but doesn’t this indicate that she probably knows there’s an “issue”? I think you missed your golden brown opportunity to get this out in the open and discuss a solution, but that’s not to say that you can’t refer back to her comment at some future, appropriate time and initiate a polite, well meaning suggestion.
On the whole, I think it would be easier to just allow the friendship to wither than to try to tell her she has the aroma of shit about her without also hurting her feelings. You might look into vinyl slipcovers for your upholstered furniture in the meantime.
