about 24 weeks ago i got my girlfriend pregnant and we are never gonna get married.
we have pretty much agreed upon adoption, because we did not want to kill it, but now its looking like she won’t be able to go through with it because she has gotten too attached to the baby. If she keeps the baby is there a way so that I can sign my rights away from the child to relieve myself of the otherwise necessary child support.
Please don’t ask why I don’t want to do it, all I want to know is if this type of thing is possible
Unless you can prove it’s not yours, no you can’t.
And I don’t think you should be able to.
Hmmm, how to phrase MHO politely, since we’re not in the pit (yet):
When one chooses to have sex with a person of the opposite sex, one also assumes, or at least ought to assume, responsibility for any child that may result. (Regardless of the presence of birth control methods, which can, after all, fail.)
(Why yes, I do personally know several adorable children whose biological fathers skipped out on them and their mothers, both emotionally and financially. . . . and I think I’ll just stop there.)
And it’s not a matter of your “rights.” It’s a matter of your responsibility. Which you will have for the next 18 years.
Actually, I think if you both agree to it, you can waive your parental rights and aren’t required to pay child support. But it’s not just your decision. It looks like the next 18 years are going to be expensive.
StG
Your sperm, your kid, your responsibility.
Yep, it’s my understanding that child support is not voluntary. Why would it exist otherwise?
There is no way to relieve yourself of your responsibility. You created the child, you have to pay for it.
Keep in mind that if you claim the child is yours and start paying child support and find out it’s not yours…
You may have to continue paying regardless.
In most states it’s 18 unless the child is still in school.
Then it’s 21.
I don’t know what state you live in, but based on my experience in Family Court for the past eight years, the simple answer is NO.
Assuming that your (soon to be EX, I’m guessing) girlfriend files a paternity petition against you, and you either admit paternity or are adjudged to be the father after DNA testing, you WILL be given a support order, unless she does not want one for some reason.
The reason why you cannot just “sign your rights away” is simple.
Child support has NOTHING to do with your rights. It has to do with **the child’s right to be supported by both of its parents. ** Note also that the expression is “signing away your RIGHTS,” not “signing away your RESPONSIBILITIES.” You can sign anything you want, but it does not relieve you of your obligation to support a child you conceived unless someone else explicitly accepts those responsibilities in your stead by adopting the child. That someone can be a stranger (if the child is put out for adoption by both parents) or your girlfriend’s future partner or husband, but it has to be someone. Note that your responsibility does not end until the adoption is finalized.
Consider this scenario:
Mom and dad have a baby. They still like each other (in short, they’re still sleeping together). They want to keep the baby. They want someone else (i.e. the Taxpayers) to pay to support the baby. Dad, with Mom’s permission, signs away his rights to the baby. Mom puts baby on welfare. Voila! They get to have as many kids as they want and foist the father’s share of the costs off on the taxpayers! That’s why this does not work. In reality, what would happen is that the county welfare department (AKA the Department of Social Services) would go after Dad to pay back the welfare money spent on the child regardless of how many releases he signs.
Buck up, accept your responsibility gracefully, and see if Mom (your girlfriend, in other words) is willing to work out a private arrangement with you. If she is not, and she goes to court, and you do not pay, be aware that remedies include the loss of your driver’s license, sporting and professional licenses, entry of money judgments, total destruction of your credit, HUGE garnishments of your salary and even incarceration. You’re a lot better off facing the music. And buy some condoms, for god’s sake.
To be honest…it takes two to make a baby.
Doesn’t it?
Yes, it does. That’s why it takes two to pay to raise it.
I pay my child support gladly.
I just hate anyone telling a man he created the baby.
Ditto that.
Admittedly, a better way of putting it would have been “You helped to create the child, you help to pay for it.” There are a lot of great fathers – custodial and non-custodial-- out there. (In fact, my brother is a great custodial father who has not succeeded in getting a penny out of my ex-sister in law in six years.) Please don’t interpret frustration as man bashing. None was intended, at least not by me.
From your other thread on this topic:
Well, first they’ll try the softer, easier way. Things like garnisheeing your paycheck, sending collectors after you, issuing court summonses, etc. Eventually though, they can stick your hindquarters (along with the rest of you) in jail. And they do. I’ve a number of patients doing prison time for habitual nonpayment.
I tried to respond to this in the GQ thread just now, only to find it was closed while I was typing…
hauss, pay close attention to Tenar’s post. This pretty much lays it out (since your last question in the other thread was “what can they do to me if I don’t pay”. The simple answer is you can end up with your ass in jail.
I would add this: Tenar mentions the possibility of a “private arrangement”. You still need to get any such agreement documented in legalese. Mediate if you can, but put it in writing and make it a binding legal agreement, not just some nebulous verbal pact.
As a purely personal aside…accept responsibilty for your fuck-ups, Scooter.
The “father” I’m thinking of most while reading this thread has been in jail for at least two six-month stints in the last several years. Now this is a person that you wouldn’t want near a child anyway. But all he had to do to be in the clear was pay a stinking $35 a week. No, that’s not a typo. Thirty-five dollars a week. $140 a month and his obligation was fulfilled. No child care, no headaches, no hassles. Didn’t have to have any further involvement with the kid or the mother. But no, he has to try to beat the system. So now he lives on the lam, sponging off one uninformed girl or another (oh, and he has another unsupported kid now), working for cash (when he works), and when they catch up with him he’s in the clink again.
He did get his picture in the paper as one of the county’s Ten Most Wanted deadbeat dads. So you could become famous, I guess.
Thanks, TheInterruptingCow. I forgot to mention that, of course, hauss should consult with an attorney who is experienced with child support or at least go to his local Family Court or Child Support Enforcement Bureau to find out what percentage of his income is likely to go to child support. (In NY State, you take your gross, subtract FICA, and figure 17% for one child.) Also be aware that you will most likely be held responsible for a separate payment for child care plus a percentage of health care expenses and (eventually) college expenses, if applicable. (In NY State, support continues until age 21.)
If you work out a direct payment to your girlfriend, be sure to keep receipts for all of your payments.
Oh, and just in case you were wondering, hauss: if you go to jail for non-payment, your child support arrears just keep piling up while you’re in. And if you quit your job in hopes of getting out of paying, well, let’s just say that judges are not stupid, have very little sense of humor, and have a LOT more experience in these things than you do.
what are the fees for the support let’s say if I make 800 a month, 600 a month, and 350 a month. Basically, what is the minimum amount. And can i tell the judge that i cannot afford the amount that she gives me. I know that there are scenarios in which the father is excused example… he is insane, unstable, half retarted. What is the most plausible form of producing the lowest payment owed for support?