I think someone earlier made the suggestion that you consult a lawyer about such issues.
By the way, there’s a human being going to be depending on you for part of his or her sustenance. A real man would be more concerned about that child’s well being than about how *little * he can do to support it.
Get a lawyer. He will tell you that there’s no way out of this, but feel free to ask him. As stated above, percentages vary from state to state. And if you think telling a judge that you can’t afford the statutory amount will get you far, ask the guys/gals in jail how well it worked for them. An order is an order.
Oh, by the way – in case you are wondering how my former sister in law has gotten away without paying: unless your life’s ambition is to be a semi-homeless crackhead street whore who gives “oral sexual gratification” in parked cars, I don’t recommend it. From my point of view, she’s not exactly “getting away with” anything.
But that’s just IMHO.
I wanted to say “Word” here, but I don’t think I’m qualified, since I am terminally uncool and a short, chubby cheeked school teacher. Let me just say, instead, that MLS has seen to the heart of the matter.
Up here in Canada if you make less than, I believe 10,000 per year (I could be wrong about amount but it isn’t much) you do not have to pay, but your ex has the right to get a copy of your income tax filings every year to make sure you’re not making any money. For reasons I won’t get into my wife’s first child lives with the father and because she has no income she doesn’t have to pay anything, but we still pay for clothes, school and whatever else is needed because we want to, but legally speaking we don’t have to. If you really want to get out of supporting your child, which would be a bigger loss than any financial payment, then shack up with a rich girl and go on welfare.
By the way be prepared to be seen as a deadbeat, irresponsible, selfish SOB, and that’s just my opinion. Pay the support, you’ll be glad you did whenever you see the baby smile or hear her/him laugh, cuz that’s worth more than you’ll make in a lifetime.
Father of 2 and step-father to 1.
I wish this thread was in the Pit.
[bites tongue and walks away]
hauss - are you getting the feeling that you won’t get much sympathy here?
I gotta feeling this is going to wind up in the Pit anyway.
As a CS paying dad 'lo these many years, if the child is carried to term it is probable you have created a debt that will total approximately 15% +/- or so of your gross income for the next 18 years or so. I don’t mind my CS, because it’s for my kids, however, if it was for a child I would never get to see or interact with on a meaningful fashion, I can see how that would be grating, even if legally mandated.
Now, most pregnant young women in the situation as your soon to be ex GF is in, are going to be very reluctant to release you from any support obligation.
Quite frankly, from a purely cynical POV, your best strategy would to be to stay highly involved in the child’s life financially and interpersonally. It’s not guaranteed, but as things go it’s quite possible your ex GF is likely to hook up with someone in the next few years who who wants to marry her and be the baby’s adoptive daddy in fact, and in name, and wants you out of the picture. This strategy is a waiting game, but it’s a lot more likely pay off than if you just sent in a check, as your presence in the child life doesn’t have to be accommodated, but she still gets the money.
You need to be right there pressing for every bit of access to which you are legally entitled. Beyond this you really don’t have many options. You’re a daddy! Who knows, you might grow to like it. Kids are neat when they’re not driving you crazy.
Support is based on the income of both parents in most states, and other factors including other children, and percentage of time with them, who pays for health insurance etc.
No, you can’t tell the judge you can’t afford the amount he assigns you to pay. The law is in place to protect the best interest of children, not irresponsible ‘parents.’
The father of my children happens to be insane, disabled, and quite unstable, he is not excused from his obligation to support his children. Not one bit. I don’t know how or where you came up with such a notion.
This must literally be one of the saddest, most despicable threads I’ve seen on this board. Way to go. :rolleyes:
In this era of highly effective birth control, RU-486, and on-demand abortion, the man may well help in getting the woman pregnant, but it’s the woman who chooses to remain pregnant. On one level, this power disparity may strike men as patently unfair, but those are the bottomline terms that men tacitly accept when they engage in sex. It may strike you–and millions of other men–as inequitable that pregnant women can make Choice A, which obligates men for 18 years, or Choice B, which forever deprives them of a wanted child, but that’s life when you aren’t the one who gets pregnant. In this case, ownership is 10/10ths of the law, it would seem. Love may be free, but pregnancy is anything but. I hate to be preachy, but it’s time to acccept your responsibility.
This is true. Case in point is my sister. When her ex reneged on his child support responsibilities she did not spend her time and energy pursuing child support. She first went back to college and put herself in a better position to support her child alone and did that quite well. Then, when their child was 16 years old she went to court and got the total amount of arrears paid to her and put it in a trust for her son. Her comment? “It’s his and he deserves it.”
hauss , whatever child support you will owe will belong to the child you bring into the world and they deserve it. Don’t be deluded into thinking you can avoid this responsibility. Try to get your act together and do it willingly. You might end up with a rewarding relationship with your child if you step up instead of trying to hide from doing what is right. Think about it.
[hijack]
Your sister sounds seriously cool. Just sayin’. 
[/hijack]
I, for one, am glad that you two have chosen to give your child life. My sister-in-law is seven months along and she too has connected with her baby, who’s starting to show what sort of music and food he likes by kicking and all. I can understand why she wants to be in his life and just hand him over to another couple.
However, has she looked into open adoption? That way, she would know the parents-to-be and if they’re the best choice for your baby. There are many agencies that are looking for parents who are willing to go through this process, in which the child will know her even as he or she has a life with people who desperately want and are eager to have a baby in theirs.
Anyway, you sound like a pretty young guy. All moral considerations aside, you don’t want to start out with Deadbeat Dad on your record. Do the right thing and you’ll be able to look back on this confusing period in your life with pride. Besides, when future girls you’re involved with find out about the kid–and usually they will–don’t you want to say you did right by them?
Oy. Third sentence should read “I can understand why YOUR GIRLFRIEND wants to be in his life and not just him over to another couple.”
And I reiterate that not supporting a kid from a former relationship, married or not, is a big flashing STOP sign to future romantic prospects.
This is a very sad thread. For God’s sake, man, you and that girl are creating another life. Don’t look at this as another financial obligation. That kid will need two parents - not abandoment. Broken homes create a cycle of more broken homes.
So hauss, life has decided to smack you upside the head pretty hard, eh, and all you want to do is run away?
Well, you have some pretty fine words of advice, offered with clenched teeth from more than one poster. You should take the advice quite seriously before you find getting smacked up the other side of your head.
In any case, you still have a few more months to collect your thoughts and plan a course of action. I suggest you speak with some counselors as to how to cope with this upcoming permanent change in your life on how to save money, take responsibility for your actions, understand why you want to run away, and generally grow up a bit faster than you ever intended.
You may not like the answers here, but at least you had the guts to post here in the first place. Build on that because you are going to need it.
Oh, I wouldn’t count on that. My nephew’s biological father was incarcerated earlier this year and had to pay $2000 of his nearly $20,000 arrears as a condition of his release.
His girlfriend (now wife, I believe) paid it for him.
There are an awful lot of dumb girls on this planet.
Exactly. I lived with my dad for the majority of my childhood, and my mom was shitty at paying child support. She still owes my dad tons of money that he’s basically given up on.
She viewed it as supporting my dad, but I thought it was a slap in the face that she didn’t care enought about me to contribute to my well-being.
I can state unequivocally that you can be released from child support - it happened to me. I had just turned 16, and was dating a 17 year old who got pregnant and wanted to keep the baby. She was from Washington state, I was in the D.C. Metro area. She had moved there to finish her last year of high school while living with her older sister.
At first I was very eager to assist and ‘be a dad’ but common sense and some very smart and supportive parents made me realize that this was not a good option. After much discussion between my parents and her sister (who was her guardian as well) it was decided that she would go back to Washington to live with her parents, who would help to rear the child while she finished school. I would finish school (and work full time as well, to pay child support) and look to college or the military after graduation. All of us (including the girl and myself) agreed that this was a good option, and that we could look at involving me in a familial way once I was out of high school.
I paid child support faithfully until after I graduated school, and around this time the girl decided she no longer wanted us to try to make a family and that she was dating someone else. I ended up in the service, and continued to pay support (and send extra as I could) until I received a formal request from her attorney offering release from all support obligations in return for waiving all interests and involvement in the child. It turned out that she had gotten married and he wanted to adopt the child.
I’m not sure whether my release was a key to his adoption of the child, but after much consideration (at this point she wanted nothing more than to forget about the whole situation and have her fiancee raise the child as his own.)
Were this a bad situation, there is a good chance that I would have fought to retain my rights and be involved, but I had the chance to meet all of them as a couple, and it did feel like they were a family and I was an outsider. After much consideration (and a promise that they would not conceal my identity from him, should he ask, once he was 18) I decided that the best interests of my son were served by a stable family environment, and released my rights.
While I will admit that I often think and wonder about him, I know I did the right thing. Last I heard, they were still a family some fifteen years later. The relief from child support was nice, but I would still pay it today were it necessary, court ordered or no.
You asked in the other thread what “signing away rights” means since you heard it a lot. It’s something you do when you put up a baby for adoption - if both parents don’t sign away their rights, there’s a potential for them winning a custody battle with the adoptive parents later, especially if the father didn’t know he had a child and decides he wants it.