Is there a way that I can relieve myself of child support

In My Humble Opinion
41

hauss, How old are you? You sound very young and inexperienced. I agree with the “grow up and accept responsibility you created” tone of the thread, however, I think you might need some different sort of support here.

Yeah, it’s scary, and it’s a pretty big responsibility, but it’s not the end of the world, or of life as you know it. There are all kinds of support groups and resources out there for people in your situation. Take advantage of them and don’t panic.

For most states, what they stipulate as CS can’t be more than a certain percentage of your income, so, if you make 800 a month, they’re not going to make you pay 600 of that in child support.

It may be a bit of a struggle in the beginning, but as you get older and get better educated, and better jobs, it will become much easier. Best wishes.

42

You have the power to choose to be a better man than you are, and if you do you will find much help along the way. This kind of choice shapes you, not the other way 'round.

43

My son’s father is schizophrenic, and gets a SSI check every month for 500-something dollars. I don’t get shit. His brother-in-law gets the same check for the same reason, and pays his ex-wife 20 dollars a month. I’ve been told that since my ex is getting that check, I can’t get anything from it unless my son is disabled, which he isn’t. What are you getting that I should be getting? Or am I on a totally different track here?

44

Psycat90, email me an answer, I don’t want to hijack this thread.

45

Heck, here in Minnesota, even death isn’t a valid reason to get out of your child support responsibilities.
I used to work with Child Support Enforcement, and they had an employee whose job was to watch all the obituaries, and check for people on the deadbeat parent list. When one was found, the county immediately filed a claim against the dead deadbeat’s estate for all the past-due child support. And they collected quite often!

Longest one I heard of was a case where the ‘child’ involved was in his 80’s, and the deadbeat dad was approaching age 100! We collected anyway; money never grows stale.

46

Perhaps you could consider emigrating?

47

I thought really hard about posting to this thread or not…but here goes anyway.

When I became pregnant with Hallboy, Hallboy’s father freaked out. Apparently I was okay enough to have sex with, but he certainly did not want me in his life forever, especially if that forever was connected to a child. He made it very, VERY clear that he did not want a child, and certainly did not want a child with me. Throughout the beginning part (first four months) of my pregancy, he never let up attempting to talk me into an abortion. (Just for the record, I never once considered abortion.) When that didn’t work, he switched tactics. He began telling me how innocent babies were, and how yeah, he’d pay for support, but he’d also fight me for partial custody. At the very least, he’d have the baby every other weekend, and oh, how helpless those babies are, and how they can’t fight back and how weak they are, and how they can suddenly die in the most unexpected of ways. My best friend, thinking I was in a hormonal state of insanity, talked to the father, who told her the same thing he’d told me. Granted he never came right out and said, “Hey, I’ll kill the kid”, however, he didn’t need to. I broke off all contact and never looked back.

Yeah, he got what he wanted (not to have a kid financially, physically and emotionally in his life), but at what costs? I never sued for child support, and never looked back. However, my son doesn’t have a father, which to me (had his father not been psycho) would have been a better bet than getting a check each month.

I somehow think there’s a special place in hell for someone who deserts his or her kids. (The father of HallGirls did basically the same thing in his desertion, although he managed to form an unbalanced relationship with them first, and THEN walk out of their lives, leaving me to answer the “why doesn’t daddy love me?” questions. Try explaining to a six year old that her daddy does still love her, but he’s “busy” or some other BS, without telling her that her father is a SOB who shirks his responsibilities.)

Kids are not disposible. You have the impact to be the best thing in someone’s life, or the screw them up forever. It’s you decision, and it goes far beyond a monthly check.

Mods…edit or delete this post as you feel necessary…

48

hauss, you sound REALLY young, and although my first thought was DNFTT, I’ll go ahead anyway.

If this is about thinking you could conceal your child from your family if it was adopted, and have realised that now they’ll have to know, bite the bullet and tell them.It’s your child, and their grandchild, and even if it’s upsetting, they deserve to know the truth.

No matter how much you want to walk away, you shouldn’t. Think about your friends who have deadbeat dads, and ask yourself if that’s really what you want your child to think of you.

People understand and forgive if their father can’t afford to give them much, they don’t understand him fighting his hardest not to give anything. Giving a baby to a loving home is one thing, abandoning it and leaving its mother unsupported because its existence doesn’t suit you is quite another.

(Oh, and we’re saying “people with learning disabilities” now, not “half retarted” just so you know.)

49

You sound young. I presume that your girlfriend is, too? If abortion is out of the question, your best bet at this point is probably to argue from the angle that she is too young, naive and/or irresponsible at this point in her life to consider raising a child. Throw facts at her about the costs of raising a kid, and the effect that it will have on her social life, ability to do anything she wants, etc. With any luck, she’ll come around and reconsider giving the child up for adoption. If not, you’re stuck - plan on paying for it.

50

I think the lesson for all young men here is that if you wish to get your jollies while minimising the risk of being held to ransom when your jolly-partner wants the potential human to become an actual human but you don’t, use condoms (or male contraceptives) rather than female-administered contraception.

51

hauss considering your apparently attitude, I hope for the child’s sake the mother finds a man willing to support and help raise the child and you sign away your paternal rights and let the real man become the real father.

And maybe instead of paying child support, you should put the money towards a vasectomy.

52

Lucky kid. :rolleyes:

Pay your support and then stay out of it if this is how you feel. You won’t be doing the kid any favors by letting him know he’s a burden. Maybe the mother will be lucky enough to find a decent guy who’s willing to step up to the plate, if not, I hope she’s got her shit together to take care of the kid herself. It can be done, it’s not pleasant, but it can be done.

I wish I didn’t know that story so well.

53

I would pay all the monies of the world for my two children.

I’d beg, borrow, cheat or steal for them. I routinley give up something for them every day.

You could pay 5k a month and you’d get a bargain of a lifetime.

If you want to get out of paying child support, the only LEGITIMATE solution to pursue is a monogamous relationship with the mother, commonly called marriage.
If that solution is not do-able, child support is the answer.

And since I worked for family courts tracking down deadbeats, let me tell you that you can’t possibly think of anything, or do anything to weasel out.

I can’t even wish death or harm on you, because that’d be detrimnental to the baby’s financial future.

54

hauss --your OP is rather selfish.

Your Baby needs a Daddy, even if the mother don’t need no hubby. Be kind to the Little One, in the years to come. Please don’t wound your Baby’s soul with coldness, & apathy. Cruelty to the soul & spirit is at least as bad as that given to your Baby’s body, isn’t it?

And as for the payments, please recall that **Qadgop the Mercotan ** is a Prison Doctor, & keep his post in mind.

55

Condemning much, are you all? With very few facts? Laying it on thick? On one side only?

Oh, but aren’t you the paragon of virtue & mercy? But let me, in the interest of the broad categorisation being displayed in this thread, point out that if you cheat (& steal & spoil) for your children, more often than not you would have done them a disservice.

56

Couple of things. The only way you can get out of this is to have the mother marry and then her new husband has to agree to adopt the child as his own, then you are out of the picture. But just imagine what sort of confusion and pain you will put another human through just because of your greed.

Another way to look at it is you will get a 17% raise in 18 years. :wink:

57

I think it’s pretty clear that hauss was thinking about trying to duck responsibility to a child he helped make.
I think the responses in this thread have been remarkably restrained.

58

I don’t think that was the core part of his post and maybe just a lttle bit of hyperbole. Even if it wasn’t, I don’t think there is a problem if the children never know about it and that is what really needs to be done. I would gladly X out several of the 10 Commandments if I thought that my kids really needed me to do something along those lines.

59

Just a plea not to let the Rune post hijack the thread. It was very provacative but the OP and his girlfriend need help. Let’s concentrate on them.

60

I don’t want to be a smartarse but why they can stick your hindquarters, particularly. Is this some kind of editorial comment about life in jail for young guys who avoid their parental responsibilities.