i go to a website semi frequently that posts horrific but true stories from news sources, mainly across the u.s. but sometimes other countries. these are stories that anyone local to each happening would no doubt know of, but in almost all cases don’t make their way to national news.
anyway, some of these stories involve accidental deaths, sometimes the person to blame is known to the victims, sometimes not.
so i showed a friend a few of the recent news clips on there and I’d said i didn’t think i could live with myself if i were to blame for the tragedies I’d shown her. she had the opinion that no matter what she’d done she couldn’t see herself not wanting to live as a result, or at least acting on that if she did feel that way.
my guess is that it’s easier for her to be ‘tough’ because she’s only being faced with a hypothetical, because who really knows what you’ll do until you’re actually in someone’s shoes. but she seemed to think my viewpoint was odd, in that how would my dying do anything but cause more hurt. to be fair, i can’t say exactly how I’d behave either, i just really can’t see wanting to go on if i were in some of these people’s shoes.
so, are there situations where you could picture ending it to deal with the grief, or would that just be a flat ‘no’, for religious or other reasons.
I’ll give a few links to some of the stories. my purpose is not to draw attention to any one of these situations, just as a point of reference to what started the conversation.
*i do think if someone has children they’re raising, then the answer should be they just have to go on. no dependants could change the dynamic though.
I can understand the feeling, but I think it would be irrational to act on that feeling.
And to someone in such a situation, I would ask: What do you think that the person you accidentally killed would want you to do? Do you feel they would want you to commit suicide?
I can’t. I’ve experienced grief in my life and my experience is that it always gets better. And I really like being alive. I can’t imagine a scenario where I’d be that full of despair.
I know that I would feel overwhelming guilt, but I don’t believe that suicide would resolve it. As others have said, that would only cause more hurt and pain to others.
I think the only way to relieve the guilt would be to do something to try to stop others from being put in the same position. Start an awareness campaign, raise money, make PSAs, etc. I’m reminded of Reggie Stephey, who caused a drunk driving accident that killed 2 people and severely burned a third. He served 7 years in prison, but has also worked with his surviving victim on anti-drunk driving campaigns.
The bottom line is that suicide may take away your pain, but working toward prevention will help others. That’s what I’d try to focus on if I were ever in that situation.
If I was doing something very harmful to people, something like molestation or being a serial killer or drunk driving with consequences for others, and really couldn’t stop myself by any means, I think I’d do it in that case. I’d have to. And I think I’d feel a great deal of grief, too. But I don’t think the suicide would be to deal with the grief, so I think this is outside the bounds of the OP’s question.
Suicide leaves more grief and guilt in the survivors than any accidental albeit negligent act I could do to cause harm to someone else. The grief of taking another life would be mine to bear and bear it I would. I’ve seen first hand the outcome of someone taking their own life and I would not be able to do that to my loved ones.
Yes, I already lost one child and I am not going to live much longer if it ever happens again. I have a plan to kill myself within the hour so that there will be a double funeral. I have plans in place to take care of the remaining one as well. If something happened to both of them, it better happen to me as well because I can’t imagine much that could be more traumatic. In any case, you can measure my life expectancy from that point in minutes.
So you would commit suicide even though you still had a living child? Having seen how that affects people, and that even people who are in their 60’s and 70’s have never, ever gotten over the suicide of a parent when they were a child, I just can’t understand that. You would be condemning your remaining child to live forever with the knowledge that they were not enough to keep you alive – that you would rather be dead than be with them.
That said, I am very sorry for the loss of your child, and that it has brought you to that place.
Not as it stands now, no. I’ve never had suicidal ideation and I’ve never suffered from overwhelming emotion to the point where I became dysfunctional. I’ve grieved for example, but never to the point of compromising my ability to deal with the world around me - my mind just doesn’t seem to work that way.
But that’s now. No telling if my brain will still work the same in 25 years.
Possibly. I’ve had depression most of my life, with suicidal thoughts routinely popping up here and there. There are some very specific reasons why I’ve never gone through with it, but I can certainly imagine a situation where those reasons were gone or I could be too overwhelmed to stop myself. It’s not like it’s something you generally think about rationally.
I’ve been suicidal periodically throughout my life, but never took action even when I had specific impulses. I seem to have a bit of self-preservation in me. But I’m not sure I would survive the death of my husband.
I was watching an episode of Homicide Hunter (true stories recounted by the detective who investigated them) where a young man and his brother got a flat tire, the brother walked off to get his other vehicle, and returned to find the man dead of an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound.
Turns out
[SPOILER]The young man and his brother had been wasted, screwing around in the car with a weapon, and he pointed the gun (which he believed to be empty of bullets) at his brother’s head. He said, ''What’s the big deal? It’s not like it’s loaded."
Blam. Life over.
He was so overwhelmed by grief at the idea of telling his parents that he attempted to stage it as a suicide.
I think of that guy and the instant in which the gun went off, and how he sat there holding his brother’s corpse and weeping, and cannot fathom the depth of despair that man must have felt.[/SPOILER]