I don’t know if there is anything wrong with you, but FWIW, I was the exact same person in college. I found it so difficult to get things done, and I still suffer from it. I skipped class all the time if I thought a professor was disappointed in me.
I wish I had gone to counselling when I was your age, though. Maybe it would have helped make things easier. I still need to go get help. As it is, I am 30 now, and although I am a happy, relatively successful, well-adjusted person, I still do things that I know aren’t rational, such as avoiding problems I don’t want to face, even though I know they won’t go away. Like you not wanting to read emails from professors, I am the same way. I feel…trapped and pressured or something.
Anyway, I am a little better now because I realized some things.
1-I am terrified of being yelled at or upset with or having people be disappointed in me. Growing up, my Mom would scream at me if I told her anything less than ideal was going on, no matter how minor or trivial, so I learned to just never say anything, or face problems if I thought she would find out about them As a college student and now as an adult, I have trouble remembering that in the real world, problems have to be faced, the sooner the better, and they can’t be hidden the way they were in childhood. It’s my responsibility now. Can’t blame it on a hot-blooded Mommy!
2-I have an insidious, passive aggressive rebellious streak in me. Since I am non-confrontational, if I don’t want to do something, I just…won’t. I know that sounds odd, but I think I’ve come to realize that my whole life, what I and others thought was insecurity, or fear, or whatever, was just plain old insolence and laziness combined. I once didn’t finish a course I had a “B” in because I just didn’t want to do the 10 page paper required as a final exam. Really. I fretted over it, tossed and turned, etc etc, but looking back, I realize that the subject matter was so incredibly freakin boring, and I so resented having to buckle down and do that paper, that I just…didn’t.
Stupid, huh? It felt very liberating and devil-may-care at the time, but I sure felt like an ass when I had to repeat the boring course, and lost tuition and time to boot!
Does it get better?
Yeah. I just hated college. I do not have these problems at all at work, for some reason.
Can there be lasting consequences?
Absolutely. When I was younger, I had that same “I-don’t-want-to-deal-with-it” attitude towards money and bills and such, and believe me, when I bought my house, I had a lot of explaining to do regarding my credit report in years past!
Anyway, sorry no words of wisdom, and of course YMMV from my situation, but I remember feeling like I was the only person who couldn’t get it together, and I just don’t want you to think you’re alone.
Go see your professors. Then go see a doctor and a counselor.
Trust me, the sooner you help yourself out, the more thankful you’ll be later!