I found out last night that I have ADHD.
Great.
I’ve 17, now, and apparently this has been a real concern since fourth grade!
I would like to send out a big thank you to all of my other doctors, ones who I’ve seen starting at age 8, who told me that “Oh, no. You’re just stressed over your parents divorce” or “Oh, this is all you’re doing and your fault, so only you can fiz it”. That last one was a real winner in my mind.
So, now I’ve really lost all of my confidence, all of my esteem, and I’m rather depressed. I’m sitting at work trying almost in vain to hold back tears that just flowed all last night. I think I got a little over an hour of sleep.
I had a fight with Jester (and I’m VERY sorry about that) and ended up curled up in my ex’s arms. What a lovely sequence of events that was.
I suppose I just wanted to post this to get it off my chest, but also, if anyone can tell me anything, like if the drugs really work, how this is going to effect my college applications? Is there any chance that I can improve my grades, will my tendancies towards anti-socila behavior go away, is there anything else I can do?
I would be much obliged for any of the answers.
I’m sorry Deiket. First, let me send you some happy thoughts and say that I hope things start going better for you.
I would say you seem to be doing better than some. My cousin Christina has ADHD. She turned 19 this January, and she still has the mentality of a 12 year old. The drugs seem to be working some-what for her. She’s much better than not taking them at all. I’m sorry I couldn’t honestly tell you what she’s taking.
Anyway, I would hope you’d take comfort in the fact that you’ve made it this far without any severe emotional or mental break-down, and pride yourself on your strength of character. You’ve handled it for 17 years without knowing what it is… Now you do.
I hate to come across and cold and unsupportive (it’s not my intention but I fear may be the result) but:
a) most diagnostic categories of this type do NOT answer the question “what’s wrong with me”; you may enjoy a momentary sense of relief at the thought that your situation has finally been understood, but the diagnosis doesn’t mean much more than “stressed over parents’ divorce” and actually contains less explanatory power. (it’s a description of a behavioral pattern that has been observed to exist in the general population. period.)
b) the people who provide the diagnoses can also provide some pills. the pills may or may not help you. that’s an assessment YOU should make. but you should make that assessment detached from any misplaced faith that the pills apply to ADHD the same way that insulin applies to diabetes or that thyroid hormone applies to hypothyroidism. or even the way lanoxin and nitroglycerin applies to heart disease. in the case of ADHD, all they can say is that they have noted that some people (mainly children) with that diagnosis exhibit fewer symptoms (restlessness, low attention span) when they are on amphetamines, which is what they therefore prescribe.
c) there may not be anything intrinsically WRONG with you. you may be DIFFERENT (statistically speaking) from the majority of folks, which may have both disadvantages and advantages, which I believe is a better way of conceptualizing it than thinking of it as a disease, even if you are mainly aware of the negative results of this difference. there may be positive trade-offs that you aren’t as conscious of, though–people just don’t tend to sit around mulling over what’s good and working well, and we tend to think of “difference” mainly in negative terms. but you may (for example) have better imagination and be better at thinking “outside the box” than other folks for the same reasons that make it hard for you to mesh with others.
Pretty much everything I wanted to say was included here. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 8, and took ritalin up until 7th grade. It didn’t do me a bit of good, and I was actually better after I stopped taking it. Medication should be considered something of a last resort; as you’ve been going strong for the past 17 years, it doesn’t sound like you have a major problem. If you find that you’re having problems with self-control, you might try some meditation (I’m sure you can find plenty of people here who can offer instructions and advice).
Well, my problem was that I just wouldn’t do my homework. Moreso, couldn’t because I would get a KILLER ache every time I tried. I could only focus on stuff that interested me and the rest just seemed to fizzle out of my mind.
and my grades were suffering DRASTICALLY because of it. I, not to brag, am rather bright. I got a 1350 of my SAT’s but my GPA is around a C- because of the homework issue.
Tests have just shown that this is because I have ADHD. and I’m just kind of angry that it wasn’t found earlier because now it’s college time and the ones I want to go to are out of my reach because of my GPA.
Thank you all for your help, though. And AHunter, you didn’t sound cold or unsupportive to me.
Get off it, Mick. It’s very popular to complain about parents medicating their children and “stupid 90s parenting” when it’s not your kid with ADHD.
My girlfriend’s son is ADHD and 16 years old. She doesn’t like to medicate him unless it’s “necessary,” but when he takes his medication, it really helps him a lot. He can focus on what’s going on at school and actually learn, which just doesn’t happen when he’s not medicated. He’s an extremely smart kid, but without his medication, he just can’t handle himself in school.
He has a friend who’s in pretty much the same situation, but this friend realizes that his medication helps him and insists on taking it. This kid made high honors in school this year, whereas my girlfriend’s son was only passed to 9th grade because they couldn’t keep a 16-year-old in 8th grade. If you’re wondering what a 15-year-old had been doing in 8th grade to begin with, he had to stay back twice. Anyway, now that he’s seen what his friend can do, he’s determined to do it for himself, too, with the help of his medication.
Have you talked to your guidance counselor? You might have a chance of getting into some of these schools if you make them aware of your recent diagnosis. But do talk to someone more familiar with the college applications process.
Also, do realize that you can be happy at pretty much any school. I’m in the honors program at my school, and back in Freshman year, when we were all in the same dorm, there was a joke made on a few occasions that our dorm was reserved for people who got rejected from better schools. All of the people I’ve stayed in contact with are currently quite happy at our school. Moral is, there’s hope for you, even if things seem rather bleak now. Hang in there.
I see it this way - you can be angry about what has happened in the past, which is something over which you have no control. Or, you can work on what’s happening now and in the future, which you can control. You’re only 17 - this doesn’t mean your future is forever cast in stone already!
If you need to, get mad, have a furious snit this weekend, and get it out of your system. Then find out what colleges will accept you, and work like hell to get a decent GPA. If you need motivation, tell yourself that you’re going to flaunt your success under the nose of the doctor that mis-diagnosed you.
And you can always transfer later to the school you really want, if you can show them good grades. It happens all the time here at the big 10 university I work for. Good college-level grades count for more than high school grades.
I have a couple of nephews who have ADHD, but I am by no means an expert.
Ritalin may be over-prescribed, but for some people it seems to be very effective. There are also other meds that may work better in your particular case. Side effects, such as loss of appetite or fatigue, are also a concern. It seems that doctors will prescribe something for a while, see how well it works, then either adjust the dosage or chuck it and try something new.
My nephews (ages 9 and 12) do much better in school with their medication. Both scholastically and behaviorally.
Anyway, as I said, I have a very limited knowledge of ADHD. I bet a lot of the helpful folks here will chime in to share their experiences and advice.
Good luck to you. I hope that your diagnosis will lead to you being able to focus more effectively, and that you realize that it’s not “all your fault.”
I can’t tell you how your life will turn out, but I was diagnosed when I was in early primary school (about 7 I think) and I’m 33 now and doing ok. I got through college (I went first to a local junior/community college, something I strongly recommend), and now work as a technical writer.
One diagnoses is not the beginning or the end of the world. However, I strongly recommend you take that diagnoses to your school and milk it for all it is worth. I went to school in California, and with a little persistence (and some broad readings of what the term “learning disability” means) you can get all kinds of help. Sometimes you can get unlimited time on exams, or extensions on homework. Talk to the people at your school and find out what they can do of you.
Then, of course, you must figure out what you can do for yourself. One of the tricks I learned was to spread out every piece of homework I had over a big table and hop from one piece to the next as they bored me. Eventually it all got done. I also learned I can’t do anything if a television is on nearby. I’m very easily visually distracted and a bright shinny object is too much for me. YMMV. I find that eating healthy food and exercise helps as well. I was one of the lucky ones who “grew out” of her hyperactivity, but I can still feel it when I eat too much brightly colored candy.
Drugs are your decision. I hated Ritilan with a passion, but my mother loved it because it made me docile and controllable. She’d stand over me to make sure I took it. If you consent to take it, whatever you do, don’t suck off the sugar coating. Those things are nasty.
You’ve got a piece of knowledge about yourself. Do something with it.
And by the way Mick, I was a child in the 70’s. Are you going to say “stupid 70’s parenting”?
I can understand being pissed, but once you get that out of your system, recognize this as a great opportunity and a relief. Finally you’re understood, finally you know what’s been going on with you. From here on out, even if you never actually fix the challenges you’re facing when it comes to concentration, life will be better because you’ll know why. It’s not a character issue, it’s not that you “don’t try hard enough” or “don’t care.” That’s got to be a huge relief.
However, you may get some improvement–I certainly hope you. In addition to medicines, there are some other things that can be tried. My neice uses biofeedback to change her brain waves. I don’t know the details, but it’s been great for her and she’s been off medication.
Here I am, 47 and skimming the boards when I should be working and you’re asking ME for advice? And I had to IMPROVE to get this bad!
Good, God, I wish we had ADHD when I was a kid. Back then I “just wasn’t trying hard enough.” And I still get that shit because now that I’m an adult it’s not supposed to happen to me.
“No, the words all start to blur together when I read or listen.”
“You’re probably just bored. Many people find (fill in any subject) boring.”
“NO! I MEAN it! I want to read it but by the time I get to the end of the sentence I forget what the beginning was!”
Sweetie, I am far from an expert about ADHD, so I won’t comment on that.
I just wanted to say that I think you have done marvelously well up to this point, especially since you didn’t even know what the problem was, and therefore were just dealing with it blind.
(((((Deiket)))))
If I were there, I would give it to you in person…as it is, you are just going to have to get one from my darling Jester and know that I sent it to him on your behalf.
Okay, I have some advice, and anybody who has hung out here for a while, or heard me talking to my children, has heard me say this before:
Spend the first couple years at a junior college. Get the Gen Ed crap out of the way, get good grades in it, and transfer to the school of your dreams for senior year. They’ll be HAPPY to see you then, after you have proven you are college material AND they have sloughed off the people who got great grades in high school but couldn’t cut it in college.
You are so lucky to have this diagnosed now. And listen to Devil’s Granny and milk it for all it’s worth!
dropzone, I don’t know if you’re aware, but there are a number of websites and support groups for people with Residual ADD…which is what they call it when it persists into adulthood. You might want to start at About.com…they have a message board and an excellent resources list.
Actually, most ADD or ADHD last until adult, its just most people learn how to deal with it enough to hide the symptoms. ITs not residual add, but just plan old ADD.
Myself, my father, and my fathers father all had it, nobody knew what to call it back then. ITs not too late to get treatment, I was in my 20’s before I got any treatment.
