I will be camping with a bunch of friends this weekend. There will be eight adults and three kids. One of the friend’s husband is newly sober. Well, three months sober to be exact. Is it shitty to bring along alcohol?
I’m not stating my position on this yet.
Not necessarily. There’s a big difference between bringing a beer for the fireside and bringing three bottles of vodka to get smashed on. The latter is definitely 100% craptastic, while the former…well, it’s not the most thoughtful thing to do, but I don’t think it would be that horrible (especially if the friend was first asked about it).
I don’t think so. If this were intended to be a drunken frat party, then yeah, but it it’s just a few people having a couple of beers, then I don’t see a problem. Being that there will be kids along, I’m assuming it will be the latter.
But it would be considerate to ask the guy and respect his wishes.
You can’t drink because someone else quit? Now if the friend’s husband set it up I could see it.
Fuck no. Drink and be merry. You’re an adult; he’s an adult; adults understand that other adults drink.
Well 3 months is A BIG DEAL. He’s finished his 90/90 hopefully and has an ok grasp of being in a program. He should have the tool she needs to get through a couple people having a few beers. When I quit drinking I made sure to have a drink in my hand [diet coke or soda water with lemon] the second I got to wherever we were be it a party, camping, dinner out, etc…etc… it made me feel more comfortable.
As others have said if he people are getting smashed, that’s a different story.
I just hope people don’t treat him like an outcast. 95% of the population don’t have a problem with booze. But for those of us who do we have the tools to deal. I would never ask anyone not to drink because I don’t - no class for people who do that.
Seconding the above posters - unless you’re planning to get smashed nightly, I don’t see anything wrong with having a couple beers. Assuming you’re bringing alcohol with intent to share with other drinkers, I’d also find out his favourite non-alcoholic beverage so you have something to offer him when passing alcohol around.
I would ask the friend. If she says there’s no problem, then go for it. If she suggests that her husband might find it difficult, then I’d make it a beer-free trip.
I don’t think it’s necessarily an obligation for you to exclude beer for his sake, but it would probably be thoughtful, if he’s uncomfortable with it.
Newly sober? It might be craptastic.
Best possible thing to do is ask him. Ask his SO if you don’t feel comfortable asking him.
If this guy is a friend, and it sounds like he is at least close enough that you’ll be seeing him regularly in the future, don’t ignore the issue. Don’t make a big deal out of it either. “Would it be a problem for you if someone else brought booze on the trip”
If the answer is yes, don’t do it. You can drink some other weekend. If there is an adult on the trip who can’t go a weekend without booze, then newly sober friend is not the only alcoholic in the group.
And if the answer is no, just be polite. Don’t get fucked up. And for god’s sake don’t offer him any. It’s not funny.
I have a friend who has been in rehab, bout 18 months now. He can’t be anywhere near alcohol. I have other friends who have been in AA for a long time. When they have parties they remind people to bring their own booze, because they don’t have any in the house. It just depends.
Depending on how close you and the newly sober friend is, and how much respect you have for him/her, I’d say yes, it may be disrespectful. Remeber, this person is still an alcoholic, and battling it every minute of the day.
Additionally, I’m personally opposed to getting drunk in front of children, so I’d say it’s a bad idea in that regard as well.
Those two statements are making a couple of assumptions, I admit:
That the sober friend isn’t okay with alcohol being around…if he/she is, then that’s another story, and
That the kids are fairly young and the parents aren’t okay with alcohol being around. Again, if they are, 'nother story.
Bottom line is, check with the people going on the trip. If they object, don’t bring alcohol, out of respect for their wishes/beliefs.
Exactly.
I am going to go with asking the fellow. One the one hand, when I was newly sober I think that it would have been rather difficult and I doubt that I would have gone off on a trip like this (and my sponsor probably would not have signed off on it either), but I did have a pretty low bottom.
On the other hand, now that I am not so new in recovery I think that I might feel rather odd if everyone altered their behaviour on my account.
The best thing (seeing as they are friends) would probably be to ask them, mainly to show you respect and support his choice/actions. Everyone is different, but when I stopped drinking I never needed to avoid alcohol or people who were drinking. Its not like someone else is going to pour the stuff down your throat. And I never felt it was appropriate for my choice to restrict other people’s actions.
As best I can recall, 3 months in I was probably craving booze pretty bad whether the folks around me were drinking or not. Actually, in a perverse kinda way I got (and still get) a little pleasure when other people drink - even tho I’m not drinking because of my past and choices. Heck, I’m usually pretty quick to buy the 1st round, even tho mine’s only tonic water or iced tea!
I don’t know 12-step stuff, but I’d think it would be really tough to stop drinking if it meant avoiding all of your friends and previous activities.
The only person who can really answer this is friend’s hubby. There are too many possible answers to this one, all of them equally right or wrong.
Ask friend or friend’s hubby if he is also a friend.
It produces the exact circumstances this guy needs to avoid. This is not a good thing for the guy, so I’d have to say he needs to stay gone if you are drinking alcohol. He can do the stuff with you while nobody drinks, and leave before you start. You wouldn’t be worried about this if there was going to only be enough at camp for 2 beers each at that nights supper. I would give the guy more credit for resistance if he’d gone more than three months without booze.
If the guy’s an alcoholic, they probably shouldn’t be bringing along any sake either. Some of that stuff is pretty potent.
If you cared about the guy, and you cared about his sobriety, why would you risk drinking in front of him (unless you knew his was OK with it) - is bringing beer camping that damn important?
I wouldn’t say shitty, I would say inconsiderate unless you know otherwise.
If the guy is an alcoholic, potency is irrelevant. He can not intoduce any quantity of alcohol into his system what so ever safely.
Way to squash my joke. :mad: